Step Up

I am in a bit of a rush, which is good, being busy, I like. I just want to point out my new music thingy, I'm sorry if the music made you jump, I nicked the idea from my wife, I think the songs I have on their are great, have a look, but pause them first, before listening, so as not to have a stop start song.

Anyway, watched the footy last night, with the youth, on a big screen, good times, as a family we wanted Spain to win from the start, but to be perfectly honest, I would not have minded the Netherlands winning. We had a good time last night, not everyone watched football and at half time, I went around the little groups of people and challenged them.

I believe I need to start challenging the youth more, I need to be challenged more. This is my life not a hobby, I need to start really challenging myself and others to make life choices and entering each day challenged by the way I live and how I can share or express Jesus.

There was a famous evangelist called Smith Wigglesworth, who made a promise to God, that he would not go to sleep at night, unless that day he had brought someone to Jesus. One night he lay awake, after not fulfilling his promise, got up and found a drunk lying on the street, spoke to him and led him to Jesus.

I am not going to be so challenging ( although maybe I should) I just want to do more, share more, express more. I want to be living a life and offer that life to others.

The young people this week, I have just asked them to share Jesus with someone who does not know Him, or ask to pray for someone who needs it. One step at a time.

confusing

Just wanted to share 2 things that happened this week, which confuse me as to how people think.

No.1. This week a ufo was spotted near a military base in Wales. I don't know the answer, but it was my brother in law that confused me. He is not a christian and in a conversation between my wife and sister, he had to butt in and ask, how do we explain these ufo's then. Amazing, a couple of soldiers say they see something in the sky, it is gospel, members of your own family tell you a real gospel, a real life, a real feeling and it goes straight over his head. I have heard that more people in the uk believe in ufo's and ghosts, than believe in God. Why? Maybe I will go into that more deeply next week.

No.2. I watched Friends this week. There is an episode where Phoebe is trying to pass on her nan's cookie recipe. She talks about her nan being 'down there' because she was not a very nice woman. It occured to me yet again, that people believe in hell, people believe that evil people will be punished. But people see themselves as good. I do want to know where this supposed invisible line is, the one where you have been good or have been bad. Are people just frightened of hearing that they may not be good, in a world where we are told 'because you are worth it.' Being told, no you're not, does not fit in. We all fall short, full stop. I sometimes wonder if this is a reason, so many celebrities don't know God, because they believe their own press, and if they didn't their world would come thrashing down. Sorry, I am getting distracted, this is deeper than the quick post I wanted to do, see you later.

Karma

My Name is Earl is a very funny comedy, it features this wonderful fantasy of karma, I say wonderful fantasy, because karma is so easy to refute. There is so much evil and injustice in the world, which will not be repaid in life, there is so much greed and selfishness that is rewarded. Solomon got that, I wrote about it before, when he wrote in ecclesiastes about things all being meaningless, judgement belongs to God.

I sometimes get caught up in thinking the 'karma' way though, I am doing enough for Jesus? when I screw up, am I going to be held back? Karma is not God's way. Accepting His love is His way. That does not mean I have no responsibility or challenges, it just means I am not going to be punished or made to feel guilty because of what I do. Jesus sees my heart, and loves and leads me on.

I am just reminded of this, this week, no.1, because Tanya said it to me, no.2, because I crashed the car, no. 3, our youngest son had his bike stolen, recovered, but completely trashed, and because I am really sitting in a place of faith at the moment, with not brass ha'pennies to rub together, I could have easily started to think, what am I doing wrong. Instead, my attitude has to be, what can I do here, where can the good shine through. For instance, I am now on quite good chatting terms with the guy whose car I smashed and I can show my son, not to worry, no need to get angry, we will do what we can do.

It is not a case of what goes around, comes around, it is a case of where can show God in this situation, because that is what He challenges us to do.

honesty 2

I have been really busy today, all good, well almost. but there we go. Carrying on from yesterday, as I was thinking about my own honesty and how I express that everywhere, I was more aware of expressing my true feelings about my own personal situation and this led me to think of other peoples situations.

As different people have different faces they use for different areas of their lives, there is also the issue of those we are supposedly close to, carrying around huge burdens, that they never talk about, or they don't seem bothered about, because they have that face on everytime we see them, that says they are coping.

There is also the case that sometimes we ask someone if they are ok, they say yes and we leave at that, even though it is probably obvious that they are not.

How honest are we about our own needs? Will we ask for help? Do we not like to draw attention to ourselves? Is it a case that nobody loves a martyr? Are we in denial? Are we expecting God to help, when God wants His people to act and we are not letting His people know there is a problem?

On the other side of things, do we respond to need? Are we looking for it? Are we walking about with our eyes closed, because we don't really want to get involved? Are we scared of getting involved? Are we scared, we will not know how to help, or we will be out of our depth? Are we disobeying God, when He is asking us to help, but we don't want to?

I want to be more aware of others needs and try and respond, however little, I have to try. I also have to be more honest about my own situation, without acting like a martyr.

Honesty

Tanya, my wife said to me the other day, I should be as passionate at home as I am when I am out and about. She did not mean in a husband and wife way ( I hope) but she did mean about how excited and animated I get when I get the chance to speak about God and what is going on in our lives and then I come home and I don't seem to pass that passion on to my wife and kids. Surely I should be as excited about my life at home, as when I am when I am praising God in a church, or speaking to someone in the street, or doing some dirty job for a stranger. I think I sometimes get caught up in the mundane, or the things that get me down, I think about in the quiet times at home, or when I get up in the morning I am so moody, and that is what the people closest to me see. I don't think it is very healthy and certainly does not pass on to my children what I am doing and why.

Well on Monday, I got this in my head, I got all excited about being at home, and was rushing around getting things done, being lively and passionate. I needed to pop to the shops, so I got the baby, jumped in the car and duly reversed into the lovely Alfa Romeo parked opposite my house, damaging it quite badly, although my car is ok. I talked to the neighbours and found whose car it is, he was brilliant and we exchanged insurance details. All of a sudden though, it is hard to stay up and happy at home, what a test. I was sad for a while, for being so stupid, but I have regained my composure and drive. I am glad to report, the finishing of the Heasley prayer room located in 'spare oom' of the Heasley household. Pictures to follow. I have to stay focused and passionate, its how God made me and what He wants me to be, everywhere.

I have more to say on this, which I will continue tomorrow.

Democracy

I am going to continue my moan off at ways of thinking, I have been watching things happening in Zimbabwe, terrible things, people tortured and killed, people are so poor, people leaving the country in droves, and freedom does not seem any closer, the people will not be allowed to vote for what they wish.

I feel blessed with the freedom I have, but I am starting to worry about how much of a voice I have, I worry decisions are being made that I do not agree with and believe in, democracy seems to be being ignored. 'Ah' you say, when it comes to the next election, you will vote that government out, to be replaced by another group with the same policies dressed up differently, and then their are the decisions of Europe, which we have no say in whatsoever anyway we vote. Look at last week, Eire voted against the Lisbon treaty, there is talk of ignoring their vote, getting them to vote again or making some concessions. This is not democracy, or freedom.

I have been reading about Cromwell and the times of the civil war, todays politics remind me of the then rump parliament, they wanted things to stay where they were, them in control, no outsiders who could rock the boat. Cromwell had enough and ended it.

Todays politicians care about their job, but do not seem to stand for anything, at least you knew where you stood with Thatcher and Kinnock, now you have middle of the road politics, responding to the media or any other bandwagon they can get on, pushing through things that do them favours to the detriment of the people. There is no one else challenging, a few independents, with a conscience, if you don't vote for the big 2 you are wasting your time, reminds me of another country where politics stopped being about people.

What is the difference between a one party state, and a 2 party state with the same policies, where people choose on the basis of the lesser of 2 evils, and the top guys just swap jobs every few years. Where is Cromwell when you need him.

WHO

Who do I look to when I am in trouble? What do I expect of people? Do I blame? Should I?

Do I take responsibility? How do I respond to others? In my darkest hours, who do I have an issue with, why do I have an issue with someone?

Who feeds me? Who strengthens me? Who advises me ? Who supports me? Who loves me?

I have to take it all back to God, I have to rely on Him. Those in a mission field, without support that some of us take for granted, must know what it feels like to truly rely on God, that must be hard and desperate sometimes, but also real and humbling, especially when the supernatural happens, the miracles, the answers to prayer.

Shouldn't we all be in that place, do we put man or church where God should be, God will never let you down, Jesus said ' I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'

Jesus is the answer to need, He is the strength, His word advises me, He loves me and will never let me down and I love just writing that, because I believe it.

ALL TALK

I have been concerned that my last 2 posts have been a bit negative and judgemental, something I have been working through at the moment is getting people to do.

In the middle classes, communism and other forms of government, there is a mentality of doing, or else, there is a direct line, this is where we are going, get moving now. I want to get people moving, I want them to get off their backsides , I want people to start living what they are saying. I am becoming more aware that it is not my place to bully and badger and there should not be a guilt trip involved. At the same time I am becoming aware that keeping your mouth shut is not healthy either.

How do you find a balance? The biggest thing I have to learn is to not worry what others are doing, the important thing is what I do. This is also the most important way to get a point across, by showing, by doing, myself.

I also have to be honest about what I am doing, share, not sell, explain, not tell, and then let it go, once I have shared something, I have to let it go, don't dwell. ( I am sure there is a poem in there somewhere, probably ending in hell, I'll work on it)

I was reading Philip Yanceys book yesterday ' Reaching for the Invisible God' This what he says;

' Coercion has never succeeded very well in remaking people, which is why few doctrinaire marxists and fewer still doctrinaire nazis remain in the world. Even utopians have had to agree that human change occurs best from the inside out.'

Only God can truly change people, I can just try to be what He wants me to be and allow Him to change me from the inside out.

As for sharing and explaining, I believe a time is coming when God wants me to start to speak more, more loudly, more often. I think He is making sure I will do it the right way, His way.

Communism

My son Morgan is home educated, he is a big fan of things Chinese and Japenese and recently had a really great experience with Tony Anthony of Taming The Tiger fame, leading to him answering the call of God on his life, brilliant, anyway, he seems to think that China is the best thing since sliced bread, and although there are many things in the world that China has given and there are many great things about China now, I cannot stand the freedom that is not there, and in reaction to this, we have recently been doing some research on communism.

Staying specifically with China for a moment, I am trying to understand, is this the best course of government for such a populous and diverse country? is my view of life in China tainted, from a religous freedom point of view or even from a western media point of view? Is China really communist, in relation say to North Korea or the old USSR?

During the last couple of weeks, through a bit of research, I have spoken to Morgan abot Orwell's book, Animal Farm, I think that in China, some are more equal than others, therefore it is a failure of what it could have been, fact.

Getting to what I actually want to talk about, instead of trying to justify my thoughts on China, the big problem with communism, is it is a wonderful idea, a wonderful idea progressed forward by some inspirational idealists, forced onto those who it was meant to help.

People like Che Guerva, who I think was brilliant, and whose reasoning was born out of the struggles he had witnessed, were always going to be flawed at the point where an armed struggle was needed and people having to be forced to follow and kept in line. Communism in general replaced one form of oppression, with another.

Christianity, is freedom from oppression, freedom to follow, freedom of choice from a position of love. Still challenging, still should be sharing everything I have, still have a choice to make, still have leaders and one ultimate boss. It is not an idea, it is a reality.

Prejudice

I am trying to be more honest, so I thought I would talk about my prejudice. It is the middle classes.

The middle classes always come across as if they know what is best for everyone else, they are right, those above and below are wrong. They are the only ones who ever cared about a class struggle.

I look at history and see the revolutions began by middle classes, to 'help' the working classes, and I have seen the bloodshed and pain it has caused. I have seen places where the middle classes have gone to help and caused more pain. The middle class road is one paved with good intentions, it is thought that is born out of luxury and leisure. I know that when I see pain in the world, my heart breaks, I want to help, but I believe that help is also to be wanted, not thrust on others, because we believe it is right, from our moral standpoint, because of what we have.

I know I am generalising, I just worry at where peoples focus is at. The biggest thing I worry about, is the church too middle class, is it out of touch, is it trying to help in the right places, can they emphasise with people not in their bubble.

I haven't got a class chip on my shoulder, I just believe that usually middle class people do. Maybe it is because the upper class know what they are and so do the working class, those in the middle do not, so try to recreate the order of things to fit back into their box, I don't like boxes either. I don't know all the answers, so I don't want to push in where I have no clue and am not wanted, but I can try to help where I am now and where I am wanted. It can be hard to be inspired by those who could not possibly know how you are feeling and therefore it can be hard to follow anyone who does not understand.

Jesus was working class, yet He was also a king, I tend to think the taxpayers He hung out with would have been middle class, maybe that is where the need is?

Being random

A quick Saturday morning post, which is not that quick for me to write, even though I make it out to be, you see, I do try to be random, expressive and spontaneous, but they are things I am not very comfortable with, when I am writing, I delete a lot, I go over a lot of what I have said, even if I agree with everything I have written, sometimes I can delete the lot in case it upsets someone or could be taken the wrong way. Not that I want to upset anyone, I just don't think this writing should be contrived, it should be random, thoughts and feelings, opinions and plans, honest. If I can look back in a couple of years and see how I have grown, or how I felt, or where my passion was with something, then it is healthy, if I am looking back at something censored, then it was not me. I hope I am making sense, I just want to be more open and honest in my blogging, like a conversation, you can't take back what you say, you can learn from it, cringe at it or stick to your guns, but it is what it is.

I am glad this is the weekend, weekends are for mindless ramblings. I am going to watch trooping the colour on tv, go to a school fete, prepare for a bootsale ( clear everything out!!! I will talk more about that, this week) and I have to put together a worship time for tomorrow night. All fun, it is good to be busy and honest.

Back from the wedding

Yes, I am back. I had a good, yet challenging time at my mother in laws and now I am home. I just don't know where home is going to be soon, but that is a different story.

The wedding went well, except for atrocious weather, some misbehaving, bored kids and a terrible dj. The day was very long, but my mother in law and my new father in law looked incredibly happy and enjoyed their day thoroughly. I had some great chats with some people I met, wonderfully challenging conversations, I love it when people are honest, great talks about faith and the lack of it and how the way we act can affect the view people have of you and your faith. Really positive stuff, I didn't agree with people alot of the time, I didn't judge either, a difficult balance.

At the beginning of this week, I took the newlyweds to the airport for their honeymoon and helped with my mother in laws business, by going cleaning, I enjoyed it and it gave me a much needed down to earthly kick. Humility is important.

My wife this week has been helping a young couple with their relationship, very patiently, positively and assertively. A lot more patience than me, I was angry and wanted to have a moan off at them, to sort themselves out, not what was needed and my anger rarely helps in these situations. I think tanya and I, provide a nice balance.

This week as well, we have felt the need to push on in certain areas of our life. If you read my brother Brians blog, he has mentioned that crunch points are coming for some who are stepping out a bit right now, I feel this for myself and family, crunch time is coming, how exciting.

Wedding

I will be going away tomorrow, to a wedding. The wedding of my mother in law, which is a strange position to be in, the son of the bride ( my brother in law) is doing the father of the bride bit, including the speech. Anyway I'll be away, so no blogging probably till next week. Hope you appreciate the picture, just me trying to be funny.

As for today, I have a hundred thoughts going round in my head, a hundred ideas, loads that I want to do. It is a bit of a problem I have right now, where next, what next? I have to get a bit focused and organised, and I think that starts at home, with my family.

A couple of weeks ago, I organised a 24hr prayer event for the youth at church, and I am thinking what next for them, but first I have to make sure my own children are moving forward, excited and getting hold of the fleshy parts of what God is about, to this end, Tanya and I have decided to turn our spare room into a prayer room. A room in the house, where any of us can go and just dwell on and with God. Not that you can't do that anywhere, just a case of focus and expression for us as a family, and in the future, friends as well.

It is hard in todays society to find space on your own, or without a telly, I do a lot of praying on the toilet and a lot of reading. There are no distractions ? It is so easy to get distracted, I find it hard putting the right things first, for instance this prayer room at home, I have been talking about it all week, I am here writing about it, I'm not doing it. I will be, just an example. It takes effort not to get distracted.

Birthing pains

I had to be a bit careful about what picture I used today, you get the idea. Giving birth is hard, it is painful, I am glad I am not a woman, actually I am not glad I'm not a woman, I'm just trying to say that it looks very difficult to carry a child and give birth, and I am not saying I want to be a woman, just that I'm not against it, as I think women are cool and the whole life giving thing is pretty amazing, I'm glad I got that clear and have completely gone off my original subject.

So giving birth is hard, growing something and giving it freedom are difficult things to do, it is painful, but it is also really happy, I have been there, cut the cord and all that, I was really worried for Tanya at times, I was scared, but we have 3 wonderful children, for Tanya there were prices to pay, for 9 months, with each child, she had to watch what she ate, she couldn't drink, she couldn't move as well, she will tell you, her body has paid a price, the labours were exhausting, ( except for Mason, who only took an hour, probably exhausting too) but look what she got out of it, look what I got out of it, look what the whole of our family and friends got out of it, blessed. I could go on to talk of the worry and stress of parenthood, but I won't, I'm talking now about the joy of birth.
I remember when my oldest Morgan was born, my father in law dropped me off at about 4am near my house, I strolled off home, walking down the middle of the road, hoping someone would stop and ask me what I was doing, so I could tell them, 'I have a son', I felt on top of the world, brimming over.

Sometimes I don't like to think of the painful things I have to go through to grow, but I think it is necessary, discipline, honesty, submission, can be dirty words. They are birthing pains, they are growing pains, they are needed for growth, because through them, I am set free, overflowing, ready to walk down the middle of the road somewhere and tell the world why I feel so alive.

Going on from my last line, I have changed the video on my video bar to some P.O.D. , a bit heavy, great lyrics, great chorus, listen away

Free

As I was saying yesterday, I was involved in this Hope 08 busineswith our church. It was good, I am glad there are some good organisers out there, it is an area I struggle with.
One guy organised the young people from local churches to do a free carwash last Wednesday, I went along and tried to help, all fun, the one thing that struck me was explaining to people it was free, one lady was nearly in tears, another gentleman put some money in the prayer request box. I went round to the local businesses, spoke to people, telling them what was happening, 'come and get your car washed for free, no catch,' I might as well have been saying ' It only costs £500,' One company did except what was going on, but still was trying to give us a donation. The next day, a friend and I were helping an old lady in her garden, some stuff will have to be gotten back to, when we explained that someone would pop round and finish it off when she was ready, for free, it seemed to confuse her, we had to explain it a few times. On Saturday we had a big party in the park, for the town, it was free and I do not know how many times I had to explain that.

Why don't people get it. Has this world become so suspicious, so out of touch with what kindness and love are, do they think love has a price, why are people so confused, cynical and surprised at acts of love. Does the love that is in their lives, come at a price, can people not be kind without being labeled as weirdos.

I remember years ago, Tanya and I would drive over the QE2 bridge from Thurrock to Kent, when we stopped at the tolls, we would pay for the person in the car behind us aswell. We thought it was funny, the look of sheer confusion on the persons face as they were let through, with the attendent explaining that we had paid for them, and then their rush to overtake us, to look into the car, searching for an answer, wondering if they know us.

I suppose we do look for payment, maybe we just don't demand it, we hope that what we do rubs off, that what is seen in us, makes people ask a question, or changes lives.

I was paid for, I asked so many questions and my life has changed, I was given something freely, with love and I have accepted it. As I am writing that, I know it sounds cheesy and churchy and preachy, but it is true, Jesus paid the price, it is fundamental to who I am now, free.

Blogging

I have had some time off with blogging, I think it was important, I mean what am I blogging for? my ego? expressing myself? a journal to look back on? a voice that I hope someone is hearing? Therapy?

It is probably a mixture of all of these, just trying to be honest, work things through in my head and on screen and maybe hoping that someone else is reading and thinking, 'I know what he means.' I read that one of the most encouraging things someone can say to someone else, when we are struggling with all the worlds problems, is ' Me too.'

With all that goes on in the world, all the uncertainties we face, reassurance and hope are great gifts we can give. It is the gift that Jesus gives, hope, acceptance and love.

As a church, we have just taken part in Hope 08. It was great, just helping people, reaching out, showing who we are, what we are. I will probably blog about loads to do with that over the coming days, because I am going to be blogging again, I like to have my voice, I probably like the sound of it too much, but I have a lot to say, so I am going to say it.

Hope you like my new blog.