base camp

Reaction Time

2011-12-14T02:25:00.002Z

I will be driving along sometimes and there will be someone waiting to pull out and I don't notice them in time to stop and let them through, or somebody is speaking and afterwards I think, I should have been concentrating more, I could have said...., the other week, driving to work, in my rush, I pulled out to overtake and then noticed a hitchhiker in a layby, that because of my rush, I missed being able to stop for.

It seems to me my reaction time is a bit slow, or maybe my eyes are not open enough, or even, I am not looking because, it is not natural for me to have my eyes open, ready to respond, I am looking internally, responding to what is in front of me and missing need on the periphary.

How do I get naturally wide eyed?

It says at the beginning of Ephesians 5 that I should be an imitator of God, how do I do that? Spend time with Him. His word, in prayer, in time. The more I know of Him, the more natural it is to respond because I am more aware of His heart, of His ways, of His view of things, He has a very wide aspect.
I want to be wide eyed and able to respond as naturally as breathing.

Regeneration

2011-12-11T23:14:00.002Z

I have a great book by a guy called Andrew Wilson called 'God Stories.' I hope it does not sound rude if I say it is a great toilet read, the chapters are really short and yet gets so much across, it is the perfect book for toilet concentration.

I was reading a chapter the other day on regeneration and what God does in and to our lives and it inspired this wee post.
It really made me think of Doctor Who, because he gets regenerated, when he gets mortally wounded or you think that is the end, or some actor does not want to be typecast, (even though they now already are), anyway, then Doctor Who gets regenerated.
New body, new voice, new habits, new characters in his life, new tastes and always a new dress sense. He becomes somebody completely new, yet, he has the same memories, the same knowledge, he is still the doctor.

Of course, easy analogy time.
New Christian, new body in spirit, new voice, new tastes, new habits, probably some new characters, maybe not the new dress sense, new life. Still you, memories and knowledge and such like and yet made brand new, a new creation, regenerated.

Little Thoughts

2011-12-07T04:30:00.002Z

I have lots of these little thoughts, little moments of clarity, or acknowledgement, or moments when I just notice God staring out at me in the most seemingly mundane or even worldly things, moments when God is apparent or makes himself known through the T.V. or driving or nature. Most of these thoughts disappear into the ether minutes after I have them, I am now attempting to make notes when I am inspired and hopefully just share something short and hopefully noteworthy which has caught my eye, or just started me thinking.

I was watching Film 2011 the other night, when I had a moment like this, they were talking about remakes, asking why people cannot be original, have to copy, or take something great and try and redo it when it does not need redoing or updating, or translating, it was fine the way it was, that is what made it a classic in the first place. Remaking stifles originality, yet of course in the film making world, it is all about the money, tried and tested may mean profit, rather than the risk of originality which can be hit and miss.

The church can sometimes act like this, somebody once referred to McChurch, the way services, ministries,etc.. are replicated in so many churches up and down the country, exactly the same service, same format, same ministries.

This can work.

If that is what God is saying to you.

But what if He is saying do something new? How easy is it to break the mould?

From Enoch to today, God has asked us to walk in new ways with Him, I bet Noah just wanted to be like Enoch and walk with God, but God wanted him to build an ark, I bet Abram did not want to go walkabout but would have preferred to build an ark, God had already asked someone to do that. How about Martin Luther? Or Wesley? Or countless others, who responded to God's originality, rather than just trying to make a dull remake.

IPhone

2011-11-21T15:50:00.001Z

This is me being very modern and attempting to blog from my phone. So this will be a very short blog as it is just a tester, but I still have something to share which has been on my mind now for a while.
There should be a difference between the living and the dead.

There is obviously a natural difference between a live physical body and a dead physical body. Should there not be a difference between a dead spiritual person and a living spiritual person?
Sometimes it is very plain to see when someone is saved the huge difference Christ has made in their lives and there are people I know who really shine differently from those around them because they are really alive in Christ, yet there seems to me, too many of us who there is no difference between us and the bloke down the road who has no idea who Jesus even is, in habits or deeds or way of life.
Surely there should be a difference.

Right Eyes

2011-11-16T11:45:00.002Z

I am doing a degree course at the moment, which I am thoroughly enjoying and learning a lot from, there are a wide range of topics within this first course I am doing, ranging from Cleopatra to Michael Faraday to Cezanne. Out of all of these so far, the one I have enjoyed the most has been Cezanne and probably the biggest reason for my enjoyment is that my whole view of modern art has been changed as I have studied. As I was writing an essay on this artist I suddenly found myself defending him and understanding what he was doing, it was a wonderful epiphanal moment. The German poet Rilke, has a similar experience, he said he suddenly started seeing the paintings through 'the right eyes.'

The veil needs to fall away, because there is a veil in all our thinking, putting limits on God, putting God in a box, just not even getting who God is.

I find myself hearing more and more truth, I have to be discerning and I don't jump on everything I hear and run with it, but when I hear something which is truth and I meditate on it and think about what that means in my life then I start to see something new with the 'right eyes.'

I cannot force anyone to believe anything, I can only share truth and hope that something clicks, as it did and continues to do for me.

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Driving Again

2011-11-09T13:12:00.002Z

Driving is something I do a lot of, it is also something I have blogged about on many occasions. The thing is, the way people act in their cars, it can be such a magnified reflection of people in real life.
The other night, on my way home from work, there is a place where there is a short piece of dual carriageway which then goes to down to one lane, it is a chance to get past any slow moving traffic, because after that, for the next 15miles, it is single lane traffic. Anyway, on this night, I overtook a lorry and then had a car overtake me, a bit ahead, I could see another lorry and wondered if I would get to overtake it or not and in my rearview mirror I could see another car in the overtaking lane that was going to overtake me.
As I got closer to the lorry, I kept my eye on the vehicle behind, which was still sitting where it was before, just behind me, in the overtaking lane, not overtaking and making me think, whether I would be able to or not, then as we got to the point of the road becoming one lane, I thought, well I won't bother overtaking, I can sit behind the lorry, it is ok. At this point the car behind notices that the road is becoming one lane and tries to overtake me and the lorry and fails miserably, and has to pull right in front of me. I flashed the driver in front, I was a bit peeved, this was dangerous, but the fella, put his hand up to apologise and I was happy to let it go. The driver was not finished though, he decided to overtake the lorry anyway, on a blind dip and nearly causes another accident, I don't know why he did it, maybe he thought I was an angry driver behind him. Lastly, 12 or so miles further down the road, the lorry is gone and I have clear road ahead when I come across this dawdling vehicle trundling along delaying me getting home and who is it? But my friend the dangerous overtaker.

My lesson, how many times do we do something stupid, dangerous or just plain wrong and follow that up by trying to escape the shame or truth and do something more stupid, more dangerous or more wrong and yet in the end, it all catches up with us.

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Church Leaders vs. football managers

2011-09-14T15:11:00.003Z

Just a mixture of conversations I had between one of my brothers and my Dad, led me to start thinking about football managers and church leaders and some similarities.

A team I really struggle with talking about is Man U, horrible, horrible team, I will not say anymore, except, my dad, father in law and 2 of my brother in laws all support them and me being a Liverpool fan, is sometimes not pretty. The thing is, at man U at the moment, they will be at the top of their game for a long while, they are and will probably continue to be successful, and the probable biggest reason for this is the manager.

He is consistent, stable , innovative and some not very nice things as well, he has the support of his team and of the fans, he is building for the future and has done plenty, but if I remember rightly, at one point he was one game away from being sacked, I wonder what way Man U would have went if they had of sacked him?
I look at how some managers are treated and it is wrong, they never get the chance, things are handled badly internally, there is divisiveness, there is a lack of support, destined to fail. Yet as well, there are those that should not be in the job, those that fail and carry on regardless and cause more damage to their club, not knowing when to walk away, or to notice that things are not working, or the club does not handle the situation properly, fails to act and once again causes more damage.

All of these things have plenty to do with church leaders, especially new church leaders. How many times does a new leader come in and people are against him from the off, not supportive, decisive, not even willing to give someone a chance, a church leader walking into that situation is being set up to fail.
There are leaders that maybe should never have been appointed and are maybe in the wrong place, but an awful lot of the time, it is the support that is lacking, look what can happen if they do get the support, the backing, the chance to lead effectively, if they do get the support from their team and their congregation.

I was told that something like, out of the 20 biggest churches in the world today, 18 have had the same leader for the last 20 years, Man U moment!

Also, it does seem to me that if the support is not united, then that runs all the way up.

When Jesus was talking in Revelation about churches he had a problem with, He didn't tell anyone to leave and go somewhere else, he told them to sort it out.

Support, not divide, a divided house will fall, supported, we will win.

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Forgiveness

2011-09-11T12:35:00.002Z

In my time I have wanted to lash out so much, I have done on occasion, there is so much that is not fair, so many that hurt others with no comeback and yet I am called to forgive.

The lord's prayer says ' Forgive me my trespasses and help me to forgive those that trespass against me.' Jesus goes on to say, if you forgive you will be forgiven, in Mark 11, Jesus says again when you stand praying 'forgive.'

More importantly, and in example, as Jesus was dying horribly on the cross, he asked his Father, 'forgive them..' Not 'when', not 'if', just forgive.

As a parent, I have wanted to hurt those that have hurt mine, yet the biggest truth and greatest example of forgiveness comes from God, when he saw his own son tortured, abused and murdered and forgave.

So hard, yet true, difficult, but the example has been set, and ultimately, beyond that forgiveness, beyond vengance and bitterness, anger and pain, lies freedom and life

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The Pursuit Of......

2011-09-06T01:27:00.003Z

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is one of the most famous phrases from the U.S. declaration of independence, I like the idea of pursuit, to chase after something, to try to attain, it involves an effort, although it does not mean that the thing pursued is attained.

I am involved in an accountability group, based on a model from the Organic Church book by Neil Cole, in it there is a question, am I pursuing freedom from strongholds/patterns of behaviour?

I am challenged by this, it involves making choices and decisions which lead me into freedom and yet it encourages me in its pursuit, rather than its goal. I mess up, sometimes I really don't get it, but I am willing to chase, to keep running the race and keep pursuing.

Paul said in Philippians 3:12

'Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.'

I intend to keep following

A Good Song

2011-08-02T09:15:00.002Z

On the video bar down the side of this blog I have set the song 'You Never Let Go' by Matt Redman. It is a great song and one I find myself singing to myself during the week, it has some basic truths in it that really inspire and comfort me, mainly that whatever I am going through, God has promised to never leave me nor forsake me, never, ever, no matter what hole I find myself in, or put myself in, no matter how much I get caught up in what I am doing and forget Him, He will never forget me.

I love the fact that in the middle of this song, is a battlecry 'And I will fear no evil, for my God is with me, and if my God is with me, who then shall I fear? Speak that into every situation, it is true.

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A good book

2011-07-26T07:42:00.002Z

One of my favourite books is 'Loving the God who Loves You' by Floyd McClung, a book full of some real truths to really grasp.
The other day at work I quoted him, this was the quote;

'It is Jesus who came to bridge that great chasm. Religion is man's way of searching for God, but Jesus is God's way of searching for man.'

Love it.

Something to share

2011-07-23T15:38:00.001Z

Just felt I really wanted to share this, been on my mind, it is the beatitudes, from Matthew 5, this is from the Message paraphrase.

"3'You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4'You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5'You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6'You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7'You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
8'You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9'You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10'You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11-12'Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."

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Something Older

2011-07-17T16:24:00.002Z

When speaking last year, I used this analogy,

I was watching a football match about six years ago, between a certain liverpool F.C. and one A.C.Milan. At half time, Liverpool, the team I have followed since a small child were 3-0 down in the final of the European Champions Leaugue Final. It was easy to give up, it was hard to see any way back, any chance of Liverpool being able to contribute, to even be in the game, let alone a chance of them coming back and winning. Some believed, had faith and when the players came out for the second half, it was the Anfield anthem, 'You'll never walk alone' that was being sung. Liverpool went on to win, in the most dramatic fashion, scoring three and taking it past extra time to win on penalties.

In life, we often view things at half time, at the point when we are three nil down. I believe that God is sovereign, knows and rules over all, and he knows the full time score, there is no situation that is too dire or too far gone, redemption is open to all and all those situations can be turned around, every one, don't give up, when all is said and done, before we even get to extra time and penalties. Jesus has already won.

Moods

2011-06-07T19:17:00.004Z

Time is going so quickly, I am an horrendous blogger. I am also aware that I am constantly saying that I am busy or tired, I have time I probably don't use well enough and I do get tired but it is not an excuse for behaviour or not doing something, I am getting to the point now where if I say I am tired, I feel like I have just swore or something, because the next thing that will come out of my mouth will be an excuse for that, or me saying I'm tired will be the excuse for something else.

I need to eat healthier and exercise more frequently, sorry, let me be honest, I need to start exercising, I have a lot on, but it is all manageable, and it is great to be alive in so much, I have spent so much of my life doing nothing, sat in front of a tv, drunk, every night, dreaming on what ifs. Now I don't mind having a beer and watching a bit of telly, but I do not want that to be my life and for so long it was. I am now busy in other things, which is not the thing that drives me, but I want to be able to do, and yet I have so many bad habits still, that seem to affect my moods and fatigue and these are mainly lifestyle choices that I need to get a grip on.

My lifestyle probably needs a bit of a health check and I could do with a break, which fortunately, this month, we all will have, it will be nice to recharge and a good oppurtunity when we come back to start behaving a bit healthier.

Ask, Seek, Knock

2011-05-03T14:01:00.003Z

I am not keeping up with this blogging very well, oh well. Still getting there, always getting there. Things are good, learning to be contented in the now, and I have a lot to be content about, I suppose it is harder to be content when all is not right in the world.

There is this thing going round in my head right now, it is from mathew chapter 7, verse 7, it keeps on coming up, so I am going to share it here and other places and also look into where it is relevant in my life;

'Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.'

I have chased so much in my life which has led to nothing. I know that the life I lead now, is so much more and I know that I am learning to live in freedom and run in this new life I have, and when I go through things which are hard, which I do, Jesus is with me, and the things I go through are turning me into something new, it is good.

Ask, seek, knock.

Issues

2011-03-21T07:52:00.002Z

Everyone seems to have issues, the carrying of baggage, for a lifetime, or just the simple sulk for a little while. It seems so easy to pick things up and not put them down again, I was reading something recently, which really struck at the core of why so many issues, arguments and moods happen.

An awful lot of things are down to expectations and desires and when the expectation or desire is not met, or not met in the way we wanted it, we have can, worms, everywhere.

So many things in my life, so many pieces of pain, arguments and frustrations, have happened due to these reasons, generally, I did not get my own way.

It is so easy to talk about 'my' rights and what 'I' deserve and it happens to often that there is a motive in conversations or arguments, to be justified, to be right, to get what I deserve or what I want.

If I got what I deserved, I would be in serious trouble, in general, there is too much of my desire and what I want, caught up in how I express myself, it is not what I am called to be.

Jesus asked me to deny myself, to lift up the cross daily and follow Him, that means, putting everything down when I pick that cross up.

Today

2011-03-17T16:17:00.003Z

It is of course St. Patrick's day today and being Irish, it is a day of celebration, a celebration of Christianity coming to Ireland, a declaration of freedom of that country at that time and hopefully a declaration that continues today, freedom through Jesus Christ.

There were many and there continues to be many brave people that go out and declare freedom in very difficult circumstances. Look at the middle east right now, or look at the pakistani minister, a Christian, gunned down a couple of weeks for making a stand on the country's blasphemy laws. It was not easy for Patrick either facing druids, chieftains and kings who did not want to hear what he had to say, at the risk of death, freedom won through.

It will continue to win through, some will fall, others will rise up, freedom will win.

Then put that into the daily context of our lives, stop worrying so much about 'being relevant' or ' preaching without speaking', declare freedom.

What title?

2011-03-10T08:40:00.002Z

Trying to keep on blogging, keep thinking about it and then it sort of goes to the back of the list, no worries, I see that many others are slacking. It is important to not get things the wrong way round, I blog because 'I' want to express something, not because people are hanging on my every word, so I do have a lot I want to say, I will keep on trying to express myself, communication is so important. I know I am now waffling.

The thing I wanted to say right now, is share a verse that really encourages me and gets to my very core of who I am, here goes.

John 6

⁶⁸ Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

When it comes down to my very being, who I am and what drives me, what my reality is, is this, this truth, that I hope I can never get away from. What I know from the relationship I have with the God I know, is His truth and that is all I have to go on, so I must run with it, be driven by it and respond to it in what ever way I can. There are no one else's words or ways that will lead to eternal life, One way. Jesus.

Thinking

2011-01-27T15:55:00.002Z

I have been thinking a lot lately, I do think a lot in general, but I have been throwing lots of things around in my mind as of late, things I probably don't have to.

I am thinking about what I'm doing, what am I going to be doing, what do I want to do, what should I do be doing??????

I think about travelling to certain places, but I know the timing is not right, I think about studying, yet do not know how comfortable I would be in that environment, God knows me.

I don't know the answers to what is ahead, I do know that right now I have things to do, so I have to get on and do them. I know doors will open in the future and God has a plan with my life, I should be ready to be moved by His Spirit and trust in what is ahead.

Probably the most important thing I have to do.....is enjoy now, it is so tempting to be worried or caught up in planning for what is ahead and then miss what is right in front of you.

New Year

2011-01-11T15:30:00.002Z

I have gone from 150 posts in 2008 to 40 posts in 2010. I am going to keep on blogging, I don't know if it will be more or less than last year, hopefully it will be more, I'm not going to put myself under any pressure though, just share, have the odd rant and hopefully try to inspire somewhere along the road.

Tanya, my wife, is going to try to blog daily, my Dad already does, I think it is a good aspiration and encourages discipline, something we could all probably do with more of, getting past apathy and procrastination is still a huge battle and one that has to be faced to get anything done.

I feel a bit cheated with Christmas this year, Tanya and I were sick throughout, not very fun, although I did not put on any more weight, mainly because I did not want to eat anything. I still have to go on the post Christmas diet, which does not seem fair, but I am overweight and unfit, so got to do it. New Years Eve was great though and I am very optimistic for this year.

I am still learning to live in the now, which is very important and I am still working towards more freedom in my life and in a way, I am still in a process of reprogramming, it is so easy to be going on and getting caught up in what everyone else does, telly, things, being normal. I find myself in a battle quite often with what the world says is right and being calm and just going with the flow. I have not got time right now, but that is something I want to explain more about. Who knows when that will be...........

Just Do It

2010-12-07T11:46:00.002Z

I have a spare few minutes, so I thought I would blog. We have been having problems with our broadband, hopefully all sorted now, I have to say that telecommunications companys, are very annoying and seem to be a law unto their own, hopefully all sorted now.

Sailing was fun, I didn't really sail very much, due to the weather, but the experience was brilliant and I had a good time.
There does still seem to be a lot going on at the moment, that is ok, we have a family which is young and quite big and we do need to be more organised, but also, it is quite obvious that we are going to be a bit hectic and busy because we have a big young family. In other words, just trying to be content in where I am.

God continues to speak, I hope I continue to listen.

Dealing with the past, sitting in the present, excited about the future.

Good Intentions

2010-10-16T20:50:00.003Z

I did plan on writing more and slowly share what has been going on lately, obviously I am not yet there with my organiasational skills, I am getting better.

We have now gone down to having 4 children again, the sister in law has spread her wings and moved into her own place. 4 children is still very hectic, teenagers are phenomenally hard work and constantly have me doubting myself as a Dad and questioning how to act in the right way, while the little ones just want the attention, which is just tiring. Today, right now, they are all great and in good places and all is well.

Street Pastors have now come to Diss, the first night out was on the 2nd of this month and was a quiet night. I am very pleased, I felt that God wanted Street Pastors here and now they are here. Lots of positives from the night and lots of things to take on board, we already have a really great relationship with the police, which is a great start.

We have just started leading a small group, which has been different and good and a real learning curve and something I am sure both Tanya and I will grow into more and learn a lot from. We have, at the moment, to look at how we can reach out more, as a group, always a challenge. We will see how that goes.

Tanya has been setting up a prayer room in the new base in town our church has acquired, it is brilliant.

Lastly, on Tuesday, I fly out to the Netherlands to take part in something called 'The Race Of The Classics.' This is a sailing race for young professionals and my company has a team and I am going. I am extremely excited, I will be racing in the vessel above, the Luciana, for 5 days and I have never done anything like this before and am hoping I can relax and enjoy it, it is something I have always wanted to do. God is good.
I am a little worried for Tanya, she will have everything on her own for most of next week, she is brilliant and will undoubtedly handle it all, I suppose I just feel a little guilty, I will find some way of spoiling her.

Consider yourselves updated.

I am Still Here

2010-09-29T10:00:00.002Z

I am becoming a man of lists, which is not a problem, it is me getting organised, I need to be organised. There is a lot of things going on at the moment, which I hope to be able to share on this blog over the coming days, I will have to write 'blog' on a list, then I won't forget.

Tanya and I were at Holy Trinity Brompton on Sunday, just because we were in the neighbourhood, and we really enjoyed the service and got a lot from it, there was a lot going on and a lot of people there and everything went without a hitch. Why?

As I said to Tanya at the time, it does not just happen. There is a lot of preparation involved, practice, training, PRAYER.

I have 4 children and Tanya's sister living with us ( Until Friday), as well as the job and lots of other stuff to do. For everything to run smoothly things have to be organised, planned and prayed for. This is where I am at the moment, with lists and diary in hand, trying to be organised and getting things done.
I need to pray more, although it does not feel right on a list, it should be so much more natural than that, disciplined, something that is part of me and essential to me, to function, maybe it can start on the list until it is that engrained in me.

Ephesian 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Random quotes

2010-08-13T16:34:00.002Z

Things that have spoke to me over the last few days

'Because thou art a miracle of deafness,' Pilar said, her big face harsh and broad in the candlelight. 'It is not that thou art stupid. Thou art simply deaf. One who is deaf cannot hear music. Neither can he hear the radio. So he might say, never having heard them, that such things do not exist. Que va, Ingles.........'

For Whom The Bell Tolls. Ernest Hemingway.

"Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that's a tough call. That's real rebellion!"

Alice Cooper

And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean.

White Blank Page. Mumford and Sons.

Gooooood

2010-06-09T10:10:00.002Z

I am not going to apologise for my lack of blogging, there were other priorities and especially as I am feeling very anti legalism, I am not that bothered. I am sitting today, looking after my 2 girls, with a ladies group going on in the living room and me the girls in the conservatory, with Monsters Inc on in the backround and trying to stop Vitoria from eating everything she touches.

I finally feel, over my last period of time off, that some freedom and relaxation is finally returning to the heasley household. Having an extra teenager and all the change that involves of just having someone new in the house, having a teething baby, being tired and many other, quite positive things, have calmed down, or we have got use to them. The children are all well.

I spoke the other week and thoroughly enjoyed it and I have also absolutely loved street pastoring in a really fresh way. Work is good, it can be tiring, but it is good.

One of the biggest things for Tanya and I, is to spend time together and to spend time together, with God, something we are really pushing forward in, something that helps us all.

We really want to be used by God and desperately want to know where He wants us to step next, we won't find that out, unless we know more of Him and His heart.

Update over.

The nature of Faith

2010-05-11T10:27:00.003Z

I was driving home from work on Saturday morning, when getting about 25miles from home, my petrol light came on, telling me I was getting very low on petrol, I was just coming up to a petrol station, but I thought, thats alright, there is one I use usually about 7 miles further on, I'll stop at that one, it was closed. It was opening in about half an hour, but I had been on nights and wanted to get home, the needle was on empty, but I thought, it can make it.

I drove for the next 18miles, with my eyes going between the needle and the odometer and praying that I was going to make it and wouldn't have to phone Tanya to come and get me with a petrol can. It was a bit of a silly thing to do for the sake of half hour, but I made it, fortunately probably down to the fact the lights on vehicles come on to give you plenty of time to get fuel into them.

It got me thinking about faith though, about taking a step and not really knowing if you are going to make it, but taking the step anyway and hoping and praying and hardly daring to believe that it is going to be ok and God is with you and is going to come through for you and all the while we look about at the signs of the world, like the odometer and needle, we look at our wallets, or our cupboards, or whatever it is and try to guess if we are going to make it, yet still pushing on. It is scary and difficult to be optimstic when the needle says empty and yet we continue to make it and God continues to provide and we will be refuelled.

Elected

2010-05-06T19:42:00.002Z

I am a big fan of Alice Cooper and the Alice Cooper Band, the track Elected was one of the first to have a promotional video, I have a great live version and I am told that Alice Cooper is a Christian.
When I say this to people they usually say 'really?' 'But is he really?' It always amazes me when people say this, Bono; 'But is he really?' Kaka; 'But is he really?' John Heasley 'But is he really?' Wonderful bit of judgement going on, people that inspire and are out there in the glare of the world and the first thing we do is question whether they have a genuine faith!!!!

I digress and have now finished my little rant, it is election day, I am hoping for change, real change, I think we need it, I really want to see a big kick up the back side of the big 2, bring on a hung parliament and voting reform.

My brother Evan is standing locally for UKIP, I am hoping he does well, I have voted for him, I am not that sure about his party, but I trust him.

I also get very boring on nights like this, I am so glad I am at work all night, that means I get to go over all the results and analysis and figures and swingometers like a child in a toy shop, live. I am a bore, an excited bore, is that an oxymoron? Or just a moron.

Vote with your heart.

Turn Around

2010-04-30T12:48:00.002Z

There is a new advert on the telly featuring Bonnie Tyler and the song with changed lyrics to 'total eclipse of the heart', with inserted line 'turn around Neville' , great advert, I just thought of it as I sat down to write about how God turns things around.

I do not have a lot of time on my hands right now, but I think a lot of that is down to being organised with the time I have, the diary needs to come back out, there are things that need doing. It is nice to get up from just finishing my nights at work and have a few hours now, I can write this blog and make a list of things to do. I am quite happy keeping my blogging to a minimum, until I can do it more, then I will. There are exciting times ahead this year and loads of things coming up, that will not happen unless they are planned, so being on top of things is going to be important in a freeish way, I have also decided to take up exercising and lose a bit of weight, we will see.

I have a few people I know right now, who are in dark situations, I think they need to listen to God singing ' turn around Neville' or whatever their name is. God will turn things around, He has a big plan, which is so hard to see sometimes, so hard to see the bigger picture, sometimes pausing and thinking where God might be taking you or saying to you is a challenge but one that might help, turning around and looking at what is really going on and getting the bigger perspective can be the key to moving forward. also it is great to remember that however dark the situation, God can turn it around and make something beautiful out of it. There are plenty of examples in the bible, I know plenty of people whose lives have been changed absolutely miraculously from darkness to light, from empty to full, from nowhere to somewhere, including mine.

In Freedom

2010-04-21T09:59:00.003Z

For a while now I have been a right grump, not all the time, but grumpy all the same, thinking too much, trying to achieve, aiming high, pressure. Being a bit judgemental and self righteous and not really acting out Love. I suppose I have lived behind a wall of trying to be 'good' or 'right', believing this is the way to closeness with God, scurging my life of impurities, which just leads to further rules and pressure and religiosity and churchianity and away from love, relationship and the thing I am seeking more, growth.

I believe the reality is about living in the freedom and relationship that I have been given with God and allowing the Holy Spirit to continue to work in me, guide me and grow in me, not putting myself under pressure and then having to deal again with shame and guilt and fear. It has been dealt with, the continuing challenge, is to live in that freedom, and every time, shame, fear, guilt or things that are not from God come at me, deny them the right to live in me, because of the victory Jesus has won over it all.

I continue to learn and grow, sometimes the basics are the hardest to hold on to, living in salvation and freedom everyday is a choice.

News

2010-04-08T01:10:00.003Z

About 3 weeks ago Tanya's sister came to live with us, which of course has made our house busier and more community minded than ever and of course has taken some getting use to, mainly on my part, as I am not very good at dealing with change.

Anyway, I once again have digressed, Cheree, my sister in law, has jumped into her new environment, getting involved with everything around her, the youth from church, meetings, sporting activities, the home and her and her sister have been talking alot. This culminated in her giving her life to follow Jesus on Easter Sunday.

Good news and encouraging as we grow as a family in our relationships where God can be brought into everything. This house belongs to God.

Dentists

2010-04-05T09:58:00.002Z

I am not good with dentists, a mixture of bad experiences when I was younger, bad teeth and the fact that in general it is not a very nice experience. I had not been to the dentists in about 5 years, up until last month. Everything was fine, up until the xray, which found damage and an absyss to a tooth, meaning, my worst fear, a tooth extraction.

Last Wednesday I went along to my new dentist to have my tooth out, not looking forward to it, yet intent on being brave and praying throughout and letting the dentist know I was going to be praying throughout. Which I did.

It was painless and very smooth and I prayed and as far as I am concerned, it worked.

It is my belief that prayer works, that God was with me in something as simple as a tooth extraction, walking through everything with me. It is also my belief that not only is He with me, prayer changes things and helps. I am well encouraged and feel well inspired to battle on in prayer for the more supposedly impossible situations.
God is big and with me.

Choices

2010-04-01T09:57:00.002Z

I really believe, although it is very easy to say, that a lot of peoples continued pain, shame and guilt and the way they respond in life to these things, is down to choices.

As I say, it is very easy to say and not everyone has a choice about where they are in their lives and yet, as a Christian, I am told to be joyful always in Thessalonians 5 verse 16. That is hard and I believe I have said it before, it does not mean walking about with a huge fake grin on my face all day. It is about making a choice to be different, to take a step back when it is all going wrong and act differently, to act joyfully, even when it is all going to pot. It is to show the world that I know joy and I know all the other fruit of the spirit and I can express them in such a different way because the joy, peace, love, etc. that I know, is from God and it is living inside me, sometimes so deep that others don't see it, I have to decide to bring it out and shine what and who I am to the world, so that then, God is seen and I live fully.

A bit of a rant, meant joyfully.

Ministry

2010-03-24T13:57:00.002Z

After speaking on Sunday, someone approached me and said they had a word for me. They said, in a more descriptive way than I am going to put it, they believed God was saying to me, to put my energies into 2 distinct ministries and run with them, not getting tempted into getting involved with other things.

I see this as a very sensible word and one wich I have been challenged and thinking about since, in a positive way. I am aware that I have a large family and a job, I am also aware that I have my fingers in this and that, concentrating on 2 things is a good idea.

The first thing I thought of when the person started praying for me on Sunday was Street Pastors. When the person had finished praying, they said the same thing. I really feel that I am meant to bring street pastors to Diss and believe it is God's plan.

But what else, what goes and what stays. Funnily enough, I do feel, right now, that speaking is not the thing I should be concentrating on. It is something I have dreamed of doing, enjoy doing and feel I do relatively well at, yet I want to be able to bring more to the table when I do speak and this means getting my hands dirty first, in other words concentrating on things more practical now and being able to share more vocally later. I continue to think and pray and ask the questions about all I am involved in.

Newspapers

2010-03-23T17:12:00.003Z

Tanya and I gave a short interview last week to the local newspaper about the coming of street pastors to Diss, it was a very enjoyable experience, yet I was left wondering if I had said the right things and if was going to be misquoted, there are always stories of people's words being twisted around to say something completely different.

The article in the Diss Express was very good and balanced and obviously even though we had talked for quite a while with the reporter, there was only some choice quotes used. I am just pleased that it is out there, for others to respond to and for our town to know we are coming. The local police have now been in contact with me, things are moving forward.

On the back page of the other local newpaper, the Diss Mercury, was a great picture and article about the football team of which my son is captain, winning the league and a great match report, a very proud moment. Also very good for the family to be taking up the columns in the local news.

The Heasleys are taking over.

The Reality Is

2010-03-22T13:45:00.002Z

I spoke yesterday, good topics, I had an idea where I was going and then I got a bit lost, I said 'the reality is' so many times that when I was listening back to it later, I started to cringe when I heard myself say it. I also said that I would elaborate on things and didn't, I did not elaborate on the scripture I had either. I listend back to it, as I said, it was ok, yet I do like to critique myself, and I have to say, could have done better. A highlighter pen and just some points where I know I should stop will help. At the end of the day, I delivered the mesage, just hoped to have done it better.

I am not so manic this week and have a bit of time, even though, Tanya has gone to the boiler room for a few days, which is great, I will just be a bit manic with 5 kids, although that is what Tanya has to deal with all the time, I will be fine. Tanya's sister is moved in, I have had my works dinner and dance, which was good, also we have had Mason's football presentation evening, which was good, Mason won the award for most skillful player, which was great, his team won the league and he was captain, all fantastic. Morgan has been going to rugby with Diss town, but he needs more to do, we will see. There is a time of calm right now.

In general we are all well and I find I have some things to say, so be ready for some blogging.

Manic

2010-03-15T18:48:00.002Z

I have let this go, I was on a run and then I just find I have so many other things to do, so my blogging has suffered, which to be perfectly honest is not too big a deal, but now they have installed the internet in the office I am currently in and I can't move, I have time to sit here and splurge it all out.

To be perfectly honest most of my busy situation is not due to me taking on more, things have just come at a time when my shift pattern is currently stuck over weekend times and a lot of the things I do are at those times, and it is also down to the fact that I have 4 kids, the oldest of which is now at home again being home educated and a baby and toddler are hard work, Tanya is doing great, but it leaves a lot to be done on days off.

The YC is doing better, street pastors???, I am speaking on Sunday, which plays on my mind and now Tanya's sister is coming to live with us, which is good, yet it does mean a lot of running around and rearranging at home which has just meant that the last couple of weeks have been manic. It is good to be busy and purposeful and I actually feel great, I just don't want to drop anything right now, which means that blogging may suffer. We will see.

Street Pastors for Diss

2010-03-04T11:10:00.002Z

I had a great meeting on Tuesday with some of the people from the street pastors organisation and my church leader. Street pastors, God willing is coming to Diss, there are of course things to do, I have the job of contacting the local police to get their support, another leader will be contacting the local council and the church leader, Graham, will be contacting other church leaders to get them on board.

There will of course be people who need training, materials and a base to sort out, but all minor things really, which will hopefully mean that in the next few months, street pastors will be out on the streets on a Friday night in Diss, bringing some peace and the presence of God into situations and places and showing His church is in the real places, alive and well and visible, not judging, but helping, ready to share who we are and what we stand for, without shoving things down peoples throats.

Time to pray it in.

Street Pastors in Diss

2010-03-02T10:44:00.002Z

I have signed a new contract at work and am relaxing about my current situation and of course, plans for the future are in the making, haha. I have been doing some practical stuff at home and am quite pleased with the results of my work in our garage and I am now planning and starting to work on my vegetable growing, which of course means I have been a bit lax on my blogging, I will try to keep up.

Today I and others are having a meeting with the street pastors people, about bringing street pastors to Diss. This is something I have pushed for and which has been picked up by our church and things are slowly coming together. Well today is the next step along that road and I am really excited and pleased to be involved.

Time to pray. Need more people to be involved, need things to go smoothly, need to be organised, help!

Peace and Security

2010-02-23T20:37:00.002Z

I really feel peaceful and secure at the moment, it is not just being permanently employed again or doing alright with money, believe me, there are more important things in life and mine ain't perfect, yet I feel alright about it all.

I have really enjoyed lately having a scour of charity shops for books, yes some good fiction books, but mainly and what I have been mostly losing myself in, is Christian books and biographies of Christians who have made a difference, also I have just been having a lot of worship cds on at the moment, I suppose I am immersing myself in God stuff, this has led me to getting into the bible more as well, which is really cool. I have other books and cds, that I will continue to enjoy, right now I am in a nice bubble and being inspired by what I am finding.

The challenge will be, to take what I hear and read into all the other parts of my life.

Decision

2010-02-22T13:47:00.002Z

I have decided to stay in my current role, commuting to Thurrock, I have made this decision based on many factors and spent a lot of time in prayer, I do always panic that I will make the wrong decision, yet right now I feel a great deal of peace.

One of the biggest factors for me, was stress, right now, working where I am, I just do my days work and go home, forget it, the time off and pay are good, the only real stress is the commuting and maybe office politics, which since I have been back I have shied away from. Staying where I am, also allows me to work on other things and chase the vision, wherever that may lead us.

I also made the decision based on being able to get along side people and help, I don't think I would have been able to be a friend within the prison service, there would always be a line that could not be crossed, and I have found other ways of being able to be there for people.

So, right now, things are really good, what next?

Prison

2010-02-17T20:01:00.002Z

I had the wonderful oppurtunity yesterday to be able to go and observe a friend doing some work in a prison, it really was an enjoyable experience, something that has touched me and made me think even more about the coming decision I have to make.

I was just so pleased yesterday to find things so comfortable within myself and also so welcomed by those incarcerated, there was a real warmth to everyone, I suspect there is the lack of real personal contact, in a relational way, inside, those who work there can not get close, those around you are in the same position and while there is friendship grown from that, it must be nice to just sit with someone and chat. There is a bit in the film ' The Shawshank Redemption', where some of the prisoners tar a roof and the lead character is able to get them some beer on their last day and they sat and drank their beer and felt like real men. This is the point, the guys I met yesterday are real people and should be treated that way.

By the way, I have made my decision, stay tuned.

What is New?

2010-02-16T11:47:00.002Z

The small group I am a part of , are currently reaching out and starting to do 'church' in one of the areas in our town. What I mean by that is, we are starting to meet up in a local community centre, once a week and pray for the estate where we are. We have given out prayer requests and let it be known we are there. We would also like to reach out in other ways, get to know the people on the estate and where they are and what is going on in people lives. We would also like to do some sort of 'service' on Easter Sunday.

We would like to do things differently, we want to shrug off the mantle of religiosity and churchianity and do things God's way, not just the way that things are done, the ritual or routine, behaving like a new franchise of McChurch, we want to meet with people, relationally and in a very real way, while sharing the reality of the gospel.

It is difficult, if you take away all the structures you have always known, what do you replace them with and you don't just want to replace things for the sake of it. The idea is to be true, to be undiluted, yet to break down barriers and meet with people. I know food will be coming into this, we continue to pray for guidance and fresh leading. We want to be led by God, not by man.

MLK, AP and Me

2010-02-11T20:52:00.002Z

I really wanted a biography of Martin Luther King Jnr, I really wanted to read a biography of a Christian who changed the world in the last 100 years, someone who made an impact in all circles, not just Christian, but took who he was to the world and made a stand. I walked into a local charity shop on Monday and was very happy to pick up his autobiography for 80p, so expect numerous MLK quotes, as I am already folding down pages. This is what I do when I like a book and want to quote from it in future, I fold down pages. My book with the most folded down pages, is Floyd Mclungs, ' Loving the God Who Loves You.' Brilliant.

I have also started reading the second of Adrian Plass' wonderful diaries, brilliantly funny, honest and loads to learn from. It reminds me not to worry about being so weak, God uses the weak and shows His strength.

I have decisions still to make to do with jobs, what a blessing that I have a choice, not so long ago, no choice whatsoever, I am sure God is in it all.

God Speaking

2010-02-09T17:10:00.002Z

Tanya and I have a book in which we write down all the little things that we believe God is saying to us and the words people give us from God, verses and pictures. The other night we just spent our evening reading through these words, reading the bits of scripture, trying to link in when we had written something down to what was happening in our lives at that time, just being encouraged and noticing the relevance of things said last year to now and also how things said then have come to pass or are more relevant now than then.

It is good to remind ourselves that God continues to speak. I was listening to a preacher a little while ago on the radio, explaining that the Holy Spirit does not act now the way He did in the bible, as He does not need to, because all we need is scripture. What utter tosh, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, why would He stop speaking and acting amongst His people, what was the cut off point, February the 17th AD 73, interesting date. The church moves and grows and continues, due to the presence of the Holy Spirit and the fact that God is still speaking to His people and we need Him. We worship in spirit and in truth, it is important to have a balance of both.

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History

2010-02-05T09:57:00.003Z

One of the books I am reading at the moment is 'the hiding place' the story of Corrie Ten Boom. This lady and her family sheltered jews during the second world war in the occupied Netherlands, a fantastic, heart wrenching, moving and inspiring story. One of the things I notice is the way the German and Dutch Nazis treat others, the complete disdain and hatred for one race and the anger and hatred shown to anyone of no use or that is in their way, I think how? How can people go so low, almost wipe compassion and love from their lives, more worryingly, can it happen again?

Over the last few weeks I have been listening and have read many things on the internet which I believe are the same seeds of judgements of hate, especially against a specific race. The muslims and more stereotypically, the arabs! are being tarred with all sorts of brushes and there are all sorts of hate sprouting from all sorts of corners, and even more worrying is, that a lot of people agree.

I am a Christian, I do not believe in what Muslims believe, in fact, Jesus said that He is the only way to God and He made that way possible through His death. Now I am not getting into a theoretical discussion, but my point is, I will not replace Love with hate, or I become like the Nazis, we can all find reasons to hate, Jesus even said, it is easy to love those that love you, try loving those who don't.

Would you have hid a Jew, would you hide a muslim?

Passionately Silly

2010-02-03T20:55:00.002Z

If I look back on my life, the times I have got into trouble, have either been because of passion or silliness. I am not malicious, I don't think, I don't believe I'm bitter and twisted and I don't plan revenge, yet I have, over the years, managed to get myself into the most stupid of situations, and also cause some real harm, through just being either stupid or following my heart. Don't worry, I don't think I've upset anyone too much lately, just my line of thought, the learning curve.

And what do I learn, think and wait. Obviously some things need quick actions or decisions, but even then, there is usually time to weigh things up. Think and wait should be my new motto, to replace passionately silly, it does not mean I can't be passionate, or silly, just making sure I am not causing more problems in the process.

Tomorrow I am going to have a facebook cull, I am quite looking forward to it, clean up time.

Compassion

2010-02-02T20:29:00.002Z

I wrote yesterdays post after we had friends round for dinner, I had a glass or two of wine, I had started writing earlier in the day and then when I went to turn the PC off, I noticed that I had not finished it, so I decided to, probably why I come across quite harsh, well, I will leave it there, I can look at it again to remind myself to think.

These things continue to remind me of my obvious imperfections, which is not me being all guilt bound, more like reminding me to have compassion. I was just putting petrol in the car, I was queueing to fill up the car, but the guy in front was taking forever to move, I was starting to get a bit annoyed and then he got out of his car and I thought, he hasn't even started to fill up, I'm gonna be here forever. Anyway he then proceeded to try to push his car off of the forecourt because it had broken down, of course I got out and helped but it was just one of my moments, when I am too busy judging, to actually see someone in need.

Yesterday evening I was not being very compassionate, very passionate, yes, but then I just end up, preachy and finger poking and not being very compassionate. Sorry.

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Saturday Night

2010-02-01T15:35:00.001Z

I was out street pastoring on Saturday night, it was good, plenty happening. I say it was good, but how good can it be when you leave a homeless person asleep in their cold wet clothes to sleeep, you give them another blanket and a cup of coffee, but still it is to leave somebody in a state that you would nevr be left in yourself. my atheist friend who has been commenting, I want to ask, where are you?

It was so cold saturday night, it hurt, I want to be in these positions again, and I will be .

It is so easy to take the easy l.ine and so much harder to takes god's line, It is about choices, what choice you gonna make?

Random

2010-01-30T04:08:00.004Z

I am going out street pastoring tomorrow night, the first time in a couple of months. I am really looking forward to it, especially since I think it will be busy, the first payday after Christmas. I should be happy if it is quiet, but when there is loads happening, it can be good.

I find myself a bit fearful at the moment, just in general, concerned with what to do, how I am doing it, too much time spent on nights, on jetties and travelling with my own thoughts, yet I do have a great desire to be doing so much more and yet don't know if I am ready to, if that makes sense. I do feel like something is on the horizon, don't know what though.

I am reading 2 Bill Johnson books at the moment, exciting stuff, yet also gets me desperate for the more of God, which is probably a good thing. I am being intentionally random, it is 04:20, it has been a long night. Not over yet, good night.

YC and things

2010-01-29T01:37:00.002Z

The Youth Cafe started again last week after the Christmas break, I really want to step up to it again and found myself really invigorated and excited about everything kicking off again and I find I have some new ideas and really want to get to know some of these young people and find out whats going on in lives and get along side some people and actually help.

Well actually it ended up that Friday night was actually a bit of a struggle, again, and it is hard to stay motivated, we are not running a babysitting service, but actually want to make a difference, but breaking through is hard, but that is what we need to do, break through, that is what we will be praying for, and we will continue and try new ideas and initiatives and we will pray and be there and be pro active. That is a good word, 'pro' we are going to act postively in a situation, not whinge or complain, but act and wait and see.

The Need To

2010-01-26T20:40:00.002Z

I don't like having to keep coming up with titles for my blog, they can be very random, like me. I did really feel a need to blog today, not because there is anything special to report, just wanting to keep it up and keep sharing.

I do feel in a rather good place, things for the future are a bit unsure, but won't they always be? That is one of those learning curves in how to trust God. Tanya and I are really trying to spend more time with God and are feeling challenged to act on some aspects of our life, organisation, balance, maturity, that type of thing, positive challenges, more of God, capturing every thought.

Tanya was talking to me about prayer the other day and about getting others to pray and she had a really good analogy. Sometimes we treat prayer like voting on the X factor, we assume our favourite will get through, we allow others to vote, we don't act ourselves and then are upset when our favourite goes out. We have to take responsibility for our own prayer lives and not expect others to be the ones praying all the time and then be so upset when things don't happen.

This PC is very slow and getting frustrating, much like me, I am going to log off before I get any more annoyed with it, must get it sorted though, or use one at work more.

Reminders

2010-01-21T16:42:00.002Z

Tanya and I were having some time together the other night, just sort of praying and sharing, which was great. Something we need to do more of, not the need to do more because if we don't we are failing or bad or anything, need to do more of, because we want to, we feel a need to, a desire for more of that type of relationship with God and us, personally and as a unit.

Tanya does feel at the moment really spoken to by Isaiah 49 ( I always mispell Isaiah, except now, I checked it) and there is loads in that chapter which she feels is really relevant to her walk right now and stuff that is relevant to us, the biggest thing though is in verse 9, which reads especially well in the NLT,

I will say to the prisoners, ‘Come out in freedom,’
and to those in darkness, ‘Come into the light.’

We both really feel the need to declare this over our lives again and again, reminding ourselves this is what has been said to us and we must continue to act on it. We have to come out in freedom into the light, that is what our lives are about, stepping into the freedom which has been bought for us, not sitting in the cell door looking out. I want to get a picture or something done to remind me indoors, ' Come out in freedom.' 'Come into the light.'

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Giving it up More

2010-01-20T10:32:00.002Z

I am healthily busy, which I like, it does involve me being organised, writing things down and keeping a diary, which I still forget to take with me places.

I did another medical and fitness test for the prison service on Monday, you have to do one annually, I passed which is good, I was then talking to my receivers about some financial stuff and they told me I have to tell the prison service I am bankrupt, I have been putting this off, because I feel that it could mean the end of the road for my desire to become a prison officer, I have also been worrying about any attachment orders my receivers might put on what I am earning now. Talk about lose focus.

I don't know what is going to happen with these things, why am I concerned? In a very short period of time I have started to take a world view, instead of God's view. This is the God who sorted out my home, car, job and finances, not to mention my life and I start to worry the moment I come up against something, as soon as I hit a new bump. I have to give it all up again, make the call, trust Him. The more we hold onto this life, the less of him we will see.

horses

2010-01-16T01:15:00.002Z

I was reading psalm 32, and in verse 9 the psalmist talks about not being like a horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle. I think I am sometimes like this, I need moved and pulled or tugged in a direction, rather than going willingly, I suppose I am sometimes like a blind mule who does not even know which way I am meant to go and needs dragging. I want to learn to move willingly, the way I am meant to go and be more aware of which way I am meant to be going.

I suppose, once again it comes down to that focus word again, keeping on the right road, prayer, the word, just sometimes, resting and waiting on God, taking control of thoughts and keeping on running the race.

I was speaking a while ago and was saying that sometimes when we are running the race, we get over a hurdle and then pause for breath, instead of keeping on running, it is harder to start running again, we have to keep the pace and keep running with the momentum we have gained.

Thy Kingdom Come

2010-01-12T20:25:00.002Z

I was praying this morning in the car, it was quite a peaceful time, I was enjoying myself actually, at one point I was praying the Lord's prayer, and I kept really feeling myself drawn to those words, Thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven.

As I was thinking about this and other things, generally thinking about what this year could hold for me and my family, I really felt that this should be the headline or title for my year. I like titles to things, when I speak I like to give myself a good title, something to remember and lean back on, a bit of a focal point, well for the year, I believe this should be my focal point.

It could be said that this should be my focus anyway, well I want to explore exactly what it means and how to live that kingdom out fully, I'm not exactly sure where to go with that yet, exciting times, yet again.

Monday Morning

2010-01-11T09:40:00.002Z

It is Monday morning and we, as a household, are getting organised, even as I write this, I am embroiled in a conversation with the wonderful people at BT, is it just all telecommunications companies can't communicate?

I have a list of things to do today, which I like, because I like achieving, I like victories, I like not having things at the back of my mind which I know need doing. So the plan for the day is to sort out those loose ends, clear things up ready for this new year.

On Saturday we were able to get a new car. Now I know we have been given one, it is brilliant and is providing transport for me to get to work and back, but it has been a bit upsetting that we have been unable to go anywhere as a family, because there is six of us and we just don't fit, someone, usually our eldest, has been left out. So we just needed something cheap and big, so when all of us were wanting to go somewhere, we could go as a family, well on Saturday, we found a bargain, it is not perfect, it does the job and we can all fit in, brilliant.

You know, I worry about sharing that, the same way I use to worry when I went shopping on benefits and did not want to meet anyone I knew, they might see me with ice cream or wine in my trolley and judge me. It is rubbish isn't it, shame, guilt, judging, stuff that Jesus didn't like, stuff that I still carry and should get rid of again.

Freedom, live it.

Books

2010-01-09T21:52:00.002Z

I must remember that when God is saying something to me, it does not mean He is saying it to everyone and I must not be the force feeder, share and move along, this like many things on my blog, I will write again, sometimes I think that my blog is just a set of reminders for me.

Enough of that randomness, here is some other randomness, I am doing a book list for the year this evening, what an exciting Saturday night, anyway, I am trying to write down all the books I want to read this year, but it ends up being like when I come to write this blog, I have loads of things buzzing around my head, and then when I sit down in front of the computer, my mind goes blank, so Amazon is helping me, although it is another reminder to me to write more stuff down, keep using my diary!!!!!! Be prepared. I have started making notes on bits of paper at work, which isn't a great help, as the notes tend to stay at work.

I am looking for some fresh reading though, anyone any recomendations, let me know, so far I have a list with Rob Bell, Shane Claibourne and Donald Miller's newest offerings, some other very random stuff, Simon Scarrow and Bernard Cornwell of course for my fictional digestion and I am just about to start a list for my history section, it may be a long night.

Keeping Up

2010-01-08T03:35:00.002Z

I am intent on keeping this blog going, which is why I find myself sitting here at work at half past three in the morning, grabbing some time to write something down.

Tonight is cold, again, although not as cold as last night, where everything I seemed to touch was a battle, as it was frozen over and it is so hard to get motivated in the cold, once things are moving, it is better. I have an extra pair of gloves and a scarf for tonight. Spiritual sigificance? Be prepared and starting anything can be a struggle, but get the momentum going and it gets easier, I'm trying to get some more momentum into my bible reading at the moment, it seems a bit frozen, I need to warm things up.

Earlier on today, I was listening to a song and misheard the lyrics, which I do quite often ( I used to think the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' was actually called 'Pistachio', very strange I know), anyway the song I was listening to was called 'closer', by Kings of Leon, the chorus is ' ..and its coming closer.' Well I heard and was singing 'calling me closer' , and it sums up for me how I feel right now, and I think it is something for everyone, God is calling us closer..........

I'm just gonna let that hang there.

The Battle is Real

2010-01-05T20:46:00.002Z

I have found that I have been putting myself under a lot of pressure again, especially with getting back to work, I get myself wound up about acting the right way, being vocal, what am I thinking, etc,etc... very typically me, not God's way though.

I find I beat myself up struggling to be more, but yet in some respects that is the point that should relieve me, I am involved in a struggle, because I have picked sides , because the battle is real, I come up against things in life which I will struggle against. This should not be a matter of shame or guilt, but a comfort that there is something different about me, that I am being changed, and there has been so many changes, it is so easy to spot the failures instead of celebrating victories. If I was not in a battle and feeling like I was not in a battle, wouldn't that be worse. I once again have to remind myself of the joy of battle and who leads me on.

I hope that makes sense.

I'm Still Here

2010-01-04T14:54:00.002Z

I'm still here, I have not gone anywhere, although I will admit I was tempted to just scrap blogging completely, I have been incredibly busy, although I guess so have most, Christmas time is hectic, so much to do, so little time.

On top of everything, I have had my job to do and I just have not been very good at juggling everything, a bit out of practice, so I am having an organisational drive, get back on top of things. This has led me to think wether I would continue to blog, I have decided I will, I have stuff to say, this is a good form of media just to throw things out there and see what happens, I am going to put the site meter back on and just see if anyone is listening, I will try to be a bit more consistent and actually write stuff, we will see how I go.

As an update, my Dad and stepmother have given us a car, which is such a blessing, things are really still pointing upwards, one of the things I start to notice now, is more choices, more decisions, more chances of getting it wrong ( me being cynical ) more opportunities to give it to God ( help me to ) and running in freedom.

Something I have been thinking of more and more lately, the freedom we live in, do I live in it, do I live like I am free??????

I am still here.

Back in the Saddle

2009-11-30T15:07:00.002Z

I have been a bit lax in my blogging, but I have a bit on, I don't know how I ever managed to get anything done when I had a job before, now with just moving, Christmas coming up and the new job, there is a lot to do. I am not complaining, it is just where I am at and it is good.

I have been back at work for 2 weks now, which has been sureal and very interesting to see where the company is at and where people are at. I left this company nearly 2 years ago and I was very frank about some issues with the company when I left, so it was good for me to swallow some pride walking back in the door. I am enjoying it at the moment and the timing is brilliant, God is very good like that. The driving has been ok, although I have struggled to get back into a rhythm of prayer, something which I took for granted I would be able to do. It was my driving and talking to God that led me back into relationship with Him, I have had and will continue to try to get back into that rhythm of natural conversation with someone who is that close. Does this mean I am not as close to God as I was before, I don't think so, I just think the nature of our relationship is different and this is a challenge to be closer still.
Tanya and I, with moving and baby and new job and stuff have not been praying together very much. All the things I have just mentioned there are an excuse, it is up to us to put God first, we are doing a little DVD course which is helping us get back to where we were. Consistency is important. Pray and read your bible, the rest is secondary.

Provided and ready to go

2009-11-12T11:06:00.002Z

I have a car to use to get me to work and back for the next 2 months, which is a start, a real blessing, I have also had a couple of other people offer me back up cars if they are needed, which is just great, God has provided, His people have responded, I am really humbled by it all, brilliant.

Within the last month, we have moved to the exact right house, in the right place, with the space that is needed for us as a family and a place that can be used for the bigger vision of our lives.

My old company contacted me and have asked if I can come back to work for them, new, better shift pattern, good money, good conditions.

A car has been provided for me to go to work in and back up is there if needed.

And looks like Tanya will be setting up as a hairdresser, things are moving on that front too.

Things ain't perfect, but they are very good.

God is good, He is faithful, if He says He is in it, He is in it, He will not let you down, hold on to the words He has given. What He says in the light, is still relevant in the dark, morning does come.

Moved and Online

2009-11-10T14:33:00.002Z

I have moved and after the mother of all battles with BT, I am online, it has been tough going and I have been really busy, which is really good, yet I have not been organised, which is now starting to take its toll. It is all once again to do with balance, it is one thing to be resting, another to be doing and yet you can do and feel like you are getting nowhere, I don't know if that makes sense.

I am still getting things sorted in our lovely new home, I am glad to say I am have been busy with some speaking and organising some really cool things, but I need to be on top of things. I have also been offered a job, with my old company, the problem is, I have no car, if God is in it, one will be provided, yet we will see.

Things are good, yet we are still a family of six and we have a lot of daily stuff to deal with and I think my personal prayer right now, would be to give me patience in the small family things, the big things will sort themselves out and God is in them, He is also in the little things, so I must relax and enjoy and be joyous in all things.

More to come, bye for now.

Can't Wait

2009-10-09T13:38:00.002Z

Food was good, small numbers, which is a nice way to start, also I want the people who come to feel really comfortable and at home, so that they will feel so secure in sharing the atmosphere with others, I didn't poison anyone, I do a good chilli, there was plenty of laughs and everyone got involved in clearing up, which is always good.

I will do another pilot in 2 weeks and then see if we can run with it after half term. It is like this with quite a few things I am doing, the plan is there, the oppurtunities seem to be opening up, but it is best just to wait at the moment and do the simple things, like move house, get settled, enjoy Christmas and then attack the new year, it is really great to see the things on the horizon, I just have to be patient and make sure I get my priorities straight and be consistent in what I am doing.

I can't wait.

Food 2

2009-10-07T15:19:00.003Z

Tonight I am starting something new, even though I have said I won't be starting anything new right now, except this. Tonight I am cooking for the youth, that is the youth of the church and any other youth that turn up, that includes any we have invited from schools or YC or anything else. So tonight is a trial run, I am cooking, in future there will be a rota, but for tonight the simplest way to work out if something can be run simply, is put someone simple in charge, ie me.

There is no big plan to this meal, it is what it says on the packet, a meal. as I have said before it is a time to eat and share what is going on in our lives, a family meal, which unfortunately is missed in many families nowadays.

I am cooking chilli with jacket potatoes, nice and simple good fayre, hopefully and pryaerfully I won't give anyone food poisoning, although I have someone with me who is food hygiene qualified, to cover the health and safety angle. I hope and pray it goes well, please pray too, just for a great atmosphere and for God to be really in it.

Moving 2

2009-10-06T14:54:00.003Z

I am really looking forward to moving, I have some great plans, but once again, I find I am in a place where I have to wait, things are on hold until we get settled. In fact, I don't think I will be started much new stuff before Christmas, which I am really excited about, trying to budget and get ready for now, last years was a bit difficult, but we can be excited about this one, in our new house.

I have been told and I do feel this is a time for me to just be, rather than to do, I find it hard. At my last job, we were taught first aid fire fighting, in other words doing enough, until the big guys arrive. I feel at the moment I am doing first aid living, keeping things ticking over until the bigger moments arrive, I now think that is a bad analogy, but I know what I mean, keeping the necessary things going until I am in a stronger place to do bigger things.

Moving

2009-10-02T16:31:00.002Z

We will be moving house again in the next few weeks. This is something we have been looking forward to doing since about Novemeber last year.

The house we are in was necessary, it was very much needed this time last year when our house was being repossessed and we had nowhere to go. The type of house made it easier for us to move things here and then minimise, really get rid of things we did not want or need, it has been cramped, but this has forced us to face up to some very hard questions about our relationships as a family. We are cramped and now with an extra one, even more so.

While in this house, we have also made many decisions about how we live our lives, from spending time together in prayer to having breakfast together, we walk more, we get up and do more, so although there are many things we have not enjoyed about being here, we are blessed to have a roof over our heads and we have learnt alot.

Finally though, we are all so looking forward to moving and all spreading our wings a bit, I suppose the challenge is to take what we have learnt somewhere else.

Princes

2009-10-01T12:59:00.002Z

I was speaking yesterday, which I really enjoyed, I am enjoying growing into speaking and just getting confident in sharing and delivering a message.

One of the points I made yesterday, was about Prince Charles. When he wakes in the morning, he does not stop and think 'Am I a prince?' He knows he is, things that he does during his day and his life, will reflect on his family and who he is as a prince, he has been trained in how to act as a prince in different situations, he has the responsibility of a prince. But the fact is, and he knows it and he can't do a lot about it, is, he is a prince. He is a prince, because his mum is the queen.

I think as a christian, we need to recognise, we are princes, because our heavenly father is King. We are children of God. We need to recognise who we are and then move on to our training or discipleship, as princes of the kingdom. We can't earn our princedom, the trips and falls in our lives never stop us being the princes we are, they are part of our life and training.

What was pointed out to me yesterday, was that in the parable of the prodigal son, when the son comes home, he offers to work, the father has none of it, he welcomes his child home and puts on a party. This is God's response to us when we come back to Him, why do so many of us get caught up in trying to earn it. We have been set free, live in freedom.

Step Back

2009-09-28T14:22:00.003Z

The YC on Friday night was quiet, it has given me a chance to look at some things which concern me about handing things over to others, which is good, I can address them now, rather than them coming up as an issue when I am not there. It is a luxury to be able to stand back and look at something properly, often with any thing we are doing, you are in the maelstrom and are not able to see too clearly very simple and obvious things, it is only when you stand back that you can recognise and highlight needs, or errors, or positives.

I notice in myself quite often, I speak so much, and I know something that bothers me, is speaking to someone, who listens without making comments, when actually, they are probably beiong very wise and I am showing my insecurity, by needing their affirmation, I need to step out more, shut up and listen, observe and then act, if necessary.

I had a great youth team meeting on Saturday, more idea of where we are going, which is good, I also was out street pastoring on Saturday night, which was a good laugh, a good team and quite a quiet night, even though it was really busy ( I am told it is freshers week) Just about everyone was really well behaved, although there was one young lady who tried a new drug cocktail for the first time and ended up in hospital, it really is russian roulette and the rest of her mates will be back doing the same thing next weekend, they told me, fun, eh.

Things are good, busy week ahead, might be moving, still need car, keep praying.

The Youth Cafe

2009-09-25T15:28:00.002Z

The new season of Youth Cafe starts tonight, we would appreciate prayer.

I suppose the biggest difference for me this year, will be me taking more of a backseat, passing on a baton and letting the older youth be the ones who run it. It is not my youth cafe, it also needs a youthful direction and this is one of these things where I am using my time more wisely.

I will still be helping sometimes, be on the end of the phone on the other times and organise rotas and prayer, I think it is time to step back, let others take the lead and use my drive and passion to start something new. I am sure the YC is going to grow and continue to be something special, it will be nice for me to have more Friday nights free, which I will probably try to make available for Street Pastors or just have as free time.

Anyway, it all begins again tonight, woohoo.

FOOD

2009-09-24T14:26:00.002Z

The new idea to start midweek is to start having meals with the youth and their friends. Very simple, many other places already do it, not exactly visionary, but I am quite excited about it.

It is the simplist of things, cooking simple pot meals one evening a week with the young people from our church, with their friends, with those we come into contact with on the weekends through the YC, and those we come into contact with through other things we do with sport and school and just eating with them. Get to know people, get to know what is going on in peoples lives, be family.

It is something that is dying out with many families, sharing and eating together, it is something we try hard as a family to do, we don't always do it, but we try. As a church family, we want to be there and share and be an ear, be interested and make an effort and maybe, without judging, be a family in a place where family is not always evident or able.

Jesus ate with people a lot, it was important to Him, it should be important to me.

Clever With Time

2009-09-23T14:55:00.003Z

I am going to have to be more and more careful with my time, there are new things I want to start and things I want to be more involved in, I am now a father of 4 and I want to be there and give my children and wife the time the deserve.

I have bought a diary, I am now for the first time, one of those blokes who walks around with a diary in my hands, making notes and saying things like ' I can't do then, it will have to be..' and ' I'll see if I can fit you in'. I have not actually said either of these things yet, but I may have to.

It is good to be busy and I will not be complaining about it, it is also good to rest, I am not going to complain about that either, it is important to have balance and be clever with my time.

I will be starting the Youth Cafe up again on Friday, although I will be taking a back seat more and more and it will begin to be run by the older youth, I am only attending 5 times before Christmas, I will be on the end of the phone on the other occasions. I want to spend some time getting a new widweek project up and running, I will explain more on another occasion. Because of this I will be stepping back from Sunday evening stuff, so Tanya and I have a definite night for ourselves.

Tanya and I really want to start pushing for street pastors in Diss, this is already starting to show some encouraging signs.
Something else that takes up time, yet something I am very pleased about, are more oppurtunities to speak, there are also some learning oppurtunities and some community work to be getting on with.

I really want to enjoy being busy, to do so, I need to be more organised and put the right things first. Time will tell.

Back Again

2009-09-21T08:49:00.003Z

I am back, broadband sorted, thanks to the lovely people at BT, I got a nice package, which is cheaper than virgins and I get BT vision, which I have to be careful does not become my new idol, TV on demand is wonderful and addictive. I also get ESPN, which means that on Saturday I was able to watch Liverpool beating West Ham.

As mentioned in my last post, I am now a father of 4, although we have changed the spelling of her name, it is now Vitoria Arianna. She is great, healthy and the best sleeper yet, Tanya is doing good, we are both tired and trying to be aware we are both tired, which is hard, I was a bit of an angry man a couple of weeks a go, I am getting over myself.

The other kids are doing good, although Morgan has had a rough start at school, things are starting to settle down, with his inclusion in the rugby team and some other activities helping. He did have a great and busy summer, which I was really thankful to God for, he needed it, he now has to stay focused. Mason is doing good, in a new football team, mentioned in the newspaper last week, so we are very proud. We are trying to deal with some issues with our boys at the moment, which is challenging, just trying to get them to think more and to be more positive in everything. Turaya is great, enjoying playschool, although the first week of our new arrival, she was very emotional, now she is back enjoying herself.

We should be moving soon and there are lots of things to start, as always, especially if you work with youth, September is busy and the time to start new things, I will share more another time.

We are still without a car, although we have the use of one most of the time, I do have a concern that one family is helping all the time, and we do need something more permanent and bigger, we will keep praying.

I do feel on the brink of once more breaking through, of taking another step up. After being pruned back for so long, I feel shoots starting to grow.

Vitoria Ariana Heasley

2009-08-27T14:58:00.002Z

I am happy to announce the birth of my daughter Vitoria Ariana Heasley, yesterday, the 26th of August at 1:26 am, she weighed 6 pounds and 13 ounces. Mother and baby are home and all are well. God is good.

Shut Down

2009-08-18T11:57:00.002Z

I am afraid that being bankrupt means that Virgin Media will not allow you broadband, I will have to move to Sky or something like it that do allow bankrupts broadband, but for now and the foreseeable future, I am offline.

Things are good, God is working, be back soon, probably with a new family member, due 24th by the way. I'll let you know. Bye.

Street Pastoring again

2009-08-08T12:53:00.003Z

Street Pastoring is something I really enjoy and am comfortable doing, I understand it is not everyones cup of tea, it is mine, I have been recently leading teams, which is something new and something which I am growing into and enjoying as well.

Last week I was out in Norwich city centre, it was a night of finding people on the floor, drunk, beaten, drugged or one guy had seemingly been stabbed, this is not always what nights are like, but this night was and what amazed me, was not the people we were finding, it was the passers by. As Christians, we are generally accused of being judgemental, in fact, during the day there had been a gay pride march, and as a team going out, we thought we were going to get it in the neck for being so judgemental ( were we judging?), we didn't, we only had some very positive remarks from the gay community. In general though, someone was on the floor, we would get people walking up to tell us, they deserved it, calling names, making really stupid comments and of course, when there were girls on the floor, there were blokes who wanted to come over and sneek a peek, there is nothing like an unconscious girl puking on the floor and several blokes hanging around to see if their boobs pop out or what knickers she is wearing.

As street pastors, we get a very positive reaction on the streets, but people rarely have something positive to or helpful to say to those we are helping, I say rarely, but last Saturday there was a passing fella who really took charge in the stabbing incident and when we were helping a spiked young lady, another girl came up offering to help, saying that we had helped her in the same way. I suppose in general I was just a bit shocked at peoples negativity and judgementalism, especially, as I have said, it is what Christians are constantly accused of.

There was also a young lady who we helped, who had been let down by the 'system', it has really started me thinking, I will explain more on another occasion.

Momentum

2009-08-04T12:35:00.002Z

I feel a need to write and get a momentum about it, there are several things hapeening with me at the moment, several things I think God is saying to me, and just some stories I want to share, but in a nice way, I have not had the chance to sit down and write, this is my first attempt at getting up to date and I have lots of other things to get up to date with, it can be hard to get into a routine during the summer holidays, especially as I am still unemployed and the childen are off, routines go out the window.

I notice I have mentioned, but not really explained, the 2 cars I currently have use of. As a bankrupt, my car has been taken away from me, if I manage to buy another car, while I am still undischarged, or get given a car to own, it can be taken from me as an asset. At the moment, one friend is on a 5 week honeymoon, so we have a huge people carrier to use and another friend has just left her car at ours everytime she is not using it. So, we have had one car taken away, we now have 2 to use. God is good, so is His family. We have also had some great gifts from different people.

It was my first time speaking at DC3 on Sunday, I enjoyed it and have been quite self critical and will look forward to speaking again and growing in it, I was very nervous, I may post it, but if you can't wait, I am not going to do a link to it, but it is available at DC3's website under resources.

I am writing some other things down to remind myself now, just that I was street pastoring and I do feel God is again speaking about family, community and systems. I must keep up.

This week

2009-07-29T15:03:00.003Z

I am busy again, which is good, everyone is fine and things are good. We continue to have the use of 2 cars and we feel provided for, we know there is a plan, we have to stick to it.

Morgan was at camp last week, which was great, he had a really good time, this is the first time he has been on anything like this, he really enjoyed it, got something out of it and I hope it will be the first of many. This is a busy summer for him, he is at his nans now, then is going to army cadet camp for 2 weeks starting Sunday, followed by a few days doing a short mission trip in London. It is different for Mason, as he is a bit younger, but he is going to spend a few days with his nan and grandad in a couple of weeks and when he starts back at school, he is going away straight away.

We were at the hospital today, the baby is breech, so it is looking like a cesarean section being performed on the 24th August. Turaya is wonderfully herself, enjoying being a toddler.

I was out street pastoring on Saturday night, rough old time, I will talk about on another occasion, but that will be my last outing until the baby is born. I am speaking on Sunday at church, I am looking forward to it, a little apprehensive, but I have a good word, I just want to get it across, we will see, that is us, in God's hands.

Slack

2009-07-17T14:26:00.002Z

I have been a bit slack with my blog writing this week, I have been busy, it has been good, I am tired and have to remind myself that being busy is better than the alternative.

This week I have got up early, walked to church and met with someone different each day, to pray together. I have enjoyed getting up early, with a real sense of purpose, I should have that sense anyway, but I don't always have. So to have an early appointment has been good and to start off the day praying with someone else, has been good and wonderfully different, sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, but different and there has been a real sense of pushing forward.

We have also been walking a lot this week, due to a lack of car, which has been good for me and very tiring for a very pregnant Tanya. Since Wednesday evening, a friend has lent us a car till Saturday, another friend will be lending us his vehicle on Saturday and Sunday and then on Monday yet another friend is lending us his wagon for a month, brilliant, eh, real family response.

There have also been other blessings this week, through relationships and where stuff is going, a real sense that God is watching over and looking after us and leading us His way. All is going to be ok.

The summer holidays start now, so I don't know what blogging I will be doing for a while, but I will try to keep people informed.

Things are Happening

2009-07-15T13:54:00.002Z

It has been great to see people over the last week respond, to try to help, even when it is costing people money, there are those just willing to try to help in whatever way they can. We have had offers of car loans for short periods of time, while people are away on holiday or just when they have noticed they could make do with one car in their family for a short period, we have had lifts, I have had to ask for lifts and peoples responses have been great, lots of people have contacted us to let us know they are thinking of us and that their ears are to the ground, it has been great, really nice to see family, acting like family. There may also be some movement for us on the housing front, but it is wait and see time, we really need the right place, and we really want to get it right.

One interesting thing that one person said to me, who is loaning me their car, was that they hate to see cars and houses unused, especially when there are people in need. It reminds me of during my street pastor training, one of the trainers was talking about a time they were speaking to a homeless person and he felt like such a hypocrite, when he thought of all the nice warm church buildings there are, while people freeze on the streets.

I hope I learn a lot about generosity from all of this, it is very challenging, what I am receiving from others, am I going to be so quick to give, I like to think so, but I also know and funnily enough have seen at this time, other people who just could not face someone borrowing their precious object. I am not judging, I am asking myself, because I know I like nice things, would I lend it out or even give it away. We will see.

Miracles

2009-07-10T12:26:00.002Z

I expect a miracle, is that a bad thing, I don't think so, I keep looking out the window and expect to see our new car on the drive, I've even got Tanya doing it. I expect it to happen, when it doesn't, it is ok, God has a plan, but I still really expect it, I actually feel quite excited about what might happen.

The way I see it, it is like playing golf, I may have mentioned this before, but I like the analogy. When I play golf, I address the ball, and expect to hit exactly where I want it to go, it does not usually happen, but when I come to hit my next shot, I feel exactly the same way, that ball is going to go exactly where I want to, I am going to hit the perfect shot, and I believe this for the 100ish shots it takes me to get around a golf course, and I will believe it every time I turn up to play golf between now and when I can no longer play. What faith, to stand in front of that ball thousands of times and believe that it is going to do exactly what I expect it to. Guess what, sometimes it actually happens.

I want to keep believing until the day I die, that every day that I pray, every day that I act, every day I step out in God, the miraculous is going to happen, that God is going to show a little bit of His glory in a wonderful and miraculous way, and that I am going to see some amazing things.

I'll let you know when I get my car.

Car

2009-07-09T08:39:00.002Z

The Vauxhall Zafira we had, did very well, it had about 150,000 miles on the clock, loads of great memories, one of my and I know my boys favourites, was driving to Northern Ireland, it was a great holiday, on a budget, driving, packed lunches, free activities, one of our best, simple, being together, exploring and having fun, the big car helped.

Yesterday, it was taken away, as part of our bankruptcy, I was waiting for a miracle.

I had someone to phone, to tell them if I could do something or not, I was waiting to tell them I could, and told them I would phone in the morning, I was expecting God to deliver a car after our one was taken, it didn't happen. I still know God has a plan, I was just trying to twist His arm into helping me quick, so that I could do something I wanted to do. In the end, I had to phone and say I couldn't.

Under the terms of my bankruptcy, if I get an asset while I am undischarged, they will take it from me, so unfortunately I can't win a Subaru, but thanks for the thought, it also means someone can't just give me a car, someone would have to permanently loan me one, which of course makes things more difficult.

God is faithful, I know it, in the big scheme of things, this is difficult, it isn't life threatening, I am overweight, so now I can get slimmer, there are going to be problems, I will have to ask for help, until our prayers are answered.

So Far

2009-07-08T08:50:00.002Z

So far this week, so good.
The parenting issue I referred to the other day turned out to be nothing but parental paranoia, yesterday, my snip went as well as could be expected, I am rather uncomfortable, but not in anywhere the pain I thought I would be.

On Monday evening, after I had written some of the things that are going on with me at the moment, I got a bit panicky, I was a bit worried and unsure. In the evening, with Tanya, I really called out to God, I just don't know what is going on, I can't see the light, only more trouble. In response, God really spoke to Tanya and she really felt a need to share Isaiah 54.

Isaiah 54 is wonderful, it has so many statements in that chapter which are the opposite of what we feel now, it is a chapter of blessing, it really spoke into our lives at that moment, and it was enough.

We need hope, we need to know God is with us and when we hear Him say 'I am with you', it shines light and hope and peace and joy into the dark places. I don't know what Paul suffered from when he asked God to remove his thorn in the flesh, but I bet the fact that God spoke, and assured Paul that His grace would be enough, was a great comfort in whatever it was.

The car is being taken this morning, I am praying for a miracle.

Soaking Stuff In Prayer

2009-07-06T13:29:00.003Z

I have had a wonderful weekend, a weekend of being fed, spiritually and physically, some really truly, wonderful times of fellowship, including getting in Saturday morning at dawn, after a brilliant night of steak and sitting round a fire having a sociable drink with some really good mates. As a family, we had a great meal round another friends home, with some great chats and we all felt really welcome. The fellowship on Sunday morning was really good too, talking to completely different friends and catching up with what was going on in others lives, to finish it all, I went along to the youth meetng last night, which I haven't been to for a while and caught up with what was going on in some of the young peoples lives as well.

This weekend has been a real blessing to me, I have enjoyed myself, and allowed myself to enjoy it, with nothing niggling in the backround, there is a lot ahead this week, I am glad I have that support around me, and maybe God is reminding me of that.

Tomorrow, I go and have my vasectomy, a little snip in the morning and home for lunch, I hope. I don't really know what to think about it, I have heard horror stories and stories of how easy it is. I just pray it goes ok.

On Wednesday, our car is being taken from us, don't really know what to say or do about that, we have to rely on God, I really pray that whatever happens, glorifies Him.

There are some serious worries coming up this week for my inlaws, it is going to be tough, I will be praying for them, and trying to be there, not necessarily physically, as we don't have a car, but you know what I mean, they don't know God, I hope He shines through into them this week.

At home as well this week, there are things for us to deal with as parents, as people with a discipleship responsibility to our own children, we want to face things head on, in prayer and action.

There is also a bit of a furore brewing at the moment with some friends, I will be praying it is nothing, or if it is something, then it can be dealt with properly. I know I am talking in riddles, but discretion is important.

A good weekend, followed by lots going on, it is good, it needs prayer.

Intense

2009-07-03T13:34:00.002Z

Sometimes I come across as a bit intense, always with an opinion about something, a lot of the time looking at the serious side of why something is happening or the serious side of a conversation, and actually I think one of my problems is, I think too much, reading between the lines, when there is nothing to read, going over stuff in my head, it is something I need to work on, and I have been for the last few months, every now and then though I find myself getting a bit moody and starting to read into situations, all a load of rubbish really.

I have a great weekend lined up, a really great social time to look forward too, and a time to laugh and smile and share and enjoy, a time not to take myself too seriously.

I am pretty sure God wants me to be joyful, in all things, I hope I remember it, like most things that I learn, it seems God has to keep on reminding me, He loves me, His grace will suffice, I am forgiven, I am secure and sure of my future, He is with me, live life, being joyful in all.

Superman

2009-07-02T10:15:00.002Z

I watched some of Superman Returns last night, a fun wee film, and I am sure they do it on purpose, but the comparisons they put in there, of messianic connotations is very good.

An only son, sent by his father to be a light and lead the people of this planet forward, to be their saviour. I like the fact that Lois Lane argues that this world does not need a saviour, and then Superman takes her up high and asks her what she hears, she says nothing, he says he hears everything and what he hears is a world calling out to be saved.

Too often we get caught up in the whys and whats and hows, while the world cries out for a saviour. I know I can be quite insular, I know others can be as well, it don't work, we are not meant to be islands, we are meant to be communities, yet we shy away, we are hospitable, yet not friends, we want to help, yet we will not speak, we talk of family, yet very rarely act like one, and all the time, the world is searching and crying out for a saviour, and we are moping about concerned if someone said an inappropriate word in a Sunday teaching, or if the worship goes on to long, or whether we are liked, or asking what is there for me, we want fed, when we should be flying, we huddle in our comfort zones, while the masses will die.

An atheist group recently put up some posters on buses and billboards, saying, don't worry, there isn't a God anyway. First I am amazed, that they are that passionately religious about getting their point across,( a few months ago I had a 3 atheists on the same day comment in a very negative fashion on one of my posts, great organisational skills) second, I am amazed that they miss the point.

We all want to belong, even the atheist, in their groups, belonging together, trying to save the world from lies, welcome to our world. The hole in people is a need to belong, and the only true place they should belong, that should fill that hole, is in God and His family.
It is so important to be that family.

PS, I need a car. Please pray.

Sunshine

2009-07-01T10:48:00.002Z

Usually on a Wednesday I help at the Kadesh farm project, due to a bit of a mix up this morning I can't today. At the weekend, the project was part of an open gardens day and I have been up there this morning and seen how great things were set up and it is wonderful just to see how things can be turned around, wasteland to used land, with pigs, goats, ducks and chickens, a picnic area and an area of orchard, all being transformed, brilliant.

I have been enjoying the sun, I have a plan, to get as much done in the mornings as possible, so I have returned to lists, which I find I do like, as long as I don't go to hard on mysslef for not completing them, but I am enjoying my lists this week, getting stuff done, then enjoting the weather, it is a luxury. It reminds me of the time I have right now, to enjoy, to help Tanya, who is heavily pregnant, to be with Turaya and watch her grow, to be at home for the boys and be able to be their taxi driver, ( while we still have a car) and to use my time to learn, run the house and relax. I have trouble enjoying this time, I really feel I must, because the time that is coming, may be very hectic, alive but hectic, can't wait. Use the time I have, being ready for the time to come.

Bankruptcy

2009-06-30T12:25:00.003Z

Tanya and I are now bankrupt. We got into this positon by taking out a large mortgage, a car loan, an overdraft, a credit card and a catalogue account. We got caught in a spiral, which we tried to get out of. We put our house up for sale, nearly a year before we got into trouble with the mortgage, we had already swapped to an interest only mortgage. It got to a point where I could not afford to travel to work, work was getting more stressful, and we were forever chasing our tails, with very little to live on, everything gets maxxed out and Christmas and birthdays are paid for with a catalogue. We prayed, we felt it would be easier to work locally, remove the stress from me, not just paying for things, being away, and then coming home from work after days away being moody dad and husband, our family was being damaged, I handed in my notice. As I did, I really felt God saying to me, now you are giving your life to me.

The local job did not turn up. We had even less, the house got taken away, the creditors kept calling, it has been hard sometimes. But we have felt at peace and supported by the one who we trust, there have been others who have been real rocks as well. On advice the best option for us, was to go bankrupt, we have had to pay to do so, which was not easy, and next week, our car will be taken from us. We rely on it a lot, Tanya is heavily pregnant, the hospital is more than 20 miles away. We are trusting God, we truly have not got anything else.
But the debts have been wiped clean, we are free of them, here we are starting again, reminds me of something else.

I feel like I have to justify being bankrupt, I feel I have to try and convince others that being free of my debt, of things being wiped clean, is good. I think people want me to pay everything back, I am sorry, I tried, I can't, I don't have. As a Christian, God took all my debts, all my sin, and threw them away, never to be seen again, and we rejoice when this happens to someone. But there is shame connected to bankruptcy, the shame that my debt was too big, that I got myself into that position, that I am getting away scot free. I believe in a God who took away my shame, did He let me off scot free, even though I got into all my sin in my life myself. I have to step forward in freedom now and trust God for a car and not listen to the ones who want to throw the first stone.

The slate has been wiped clean again.

Loving

2009-06-29T10:14:00.002Z

Sorry the video starts playing straight away, had loads of trouble getting it on the blog in the first place. Tanya did it for me.

I don't do street pastoring every Saturday night, usually once a month, this Saturday I was out on the streets and I have been asked to lead teams now, which is a new challenge and a different perspective.

This Saturday, we came across a new homeless guy at the soup kitchen, one of the other guys actually started chatting with him, I came across later. The man was chatty and very open about himself, he is a part op transexual, he had a heart attack a few years ago, now he can't have anymore surgery, this has sent him on a downward spiral, ending up with him on the streets of Norwich.

I asked him if it was ok if we prayed for him, if we could ask others to pray for him and if it was ok to tell other street pastors about him so that they could check if he was ok and keep everyone posted. He was very emotional and moved by the this, that others would actually care, he was hugged and comforted and I hope we have started to build a relationship there which we can try to help and give advice in. The most important point I felt, was being there and letting someone know they are worth something, not condemned, loved, not judged, it felt to me that is where Jesus would be.

My Saturday nights

2009-06-28T16:47:00.000Z

On patrol with the Street Pastors

BBC Look East has spent a Saturday night in Norwich with a group of volunteers who help revellers when they get into trouble.

It follows the sentencing of two brothers for the manslaughter of a banker while on a night out in the city.

Offside

2009-06-25T09:50:00.003Z

I watched the Spain v USA football last night, with Mason, Tanya and my niece Robyn, the strangest thing happened, Tanya and Robyn started to discuss the offside rule!!!! I was shocked, we were upset about Spain losing though.

I have had a good week, finding myself busy and content in where and what I am, the wonderful weather helps, it shouldn't, but it does. I have been preparing to move, whether that is in 4 months, as scheduled, or next week, it is all in God's hands. I have also been continuing giving a day a week to the Kadesh farm project, which has been great, wonderful once again in this weather. There is something incredibly satisfying working with the land, I wondered a while back, if this is something to do with repentance, turning back to how God wants us to be, looking after the world He gave us, working the land, just an idea, I just know I enjoy it, and for someone who does not know anything about the land and animals and stuff like that, it is good to learn.

Today we were going to our bankruptcy hearing, but we have rescheduled for tomorrow, this is a big deal, we have never been in this position before and there are loads of thoughts to go with it, one of the biggest being, not knowing, in general though, we are at peace. I do want to write about bankruptcy and my thoughts on it, the stigma, etc, but I think I will do it after. Would appreciate prayer.

Candide

2009-06-24T14:33:00.002Z

I was reading a bit of Voltaire's 'Candide' last night, not out of some sort of intellectual foray, but because it has short chapters, so I had put it in the toilet for loo reading.

Candide, the main character, has been taught to believe that everything is for the best in the best possible of worlds, and he starts as a very naive character and ends up going to Holland to beg, here he meets a man who has just been preaching to a crowd on charity, the man asks him 'Do you hold pope to be antichrist?' , to which Candide repsonds that he does not know, but would like something to eat. The man chases him away, haranguing him and his wife empties her chamberpot over him.

Another man sees this happen, and out of pity, takes him in, cleans him up, feeds him, gives him some money and offers to teach him a trade. To which Candide responds

"I am infinitely more affected with your extraordinary generosity than with the inhumanity of that gentleman in the black cloak and his wife."

Just made me think.

Alternative Friday

2009-06-20T10:32:00.002Z

We stop doing the Youth Cafe in these summer months, because people just start hanging about outside, they pop in for some tuck and then go out to cause the neighbours some mayhem. So we close until September, which means I have some Friday nights off, which is different, but also I started thinking, could we do something else.

Last night, me and a group of the older lads and Morgan, my son, went and got a football, a rugby ball, some rounders stuff and went to the park. First mistake, wrong park, some new stuff has opened at the other main park, so there was no one there and when some people did turn up, they were the ones who were not really into sports, we did get mouthed off by some older lads though, which was interesting.

We then went to the other main park in town, and driving through the town centre, I noticed a lot of young people hanging out there and then at the park, people were quite happily doing their own thing and just ignored the group of older weirdos having a kick about.

In the end I went home leaving Morgan there with his mates. I was not down ,this has just thrown up some questions, like, how do we interact with the young people of this town, if we are not using our building, hmmmm.

I will keep you informed.

Prayer

2009-06-19T10:13:00.002Z

I was at my small group last night, we were talking about prayer. Strange thing prayer, it is very personal to people, and if you start talking about the whys and wherefores, people can get defensive, because prayer is about relationship and it is meant to be a personal relationship.

Arranging to pray together seems to be the most difficult thing going though, there is every excuse under the sun not to. Do we pray differently in the west, because we have so many material back ups, Dear God, please heal this person, but if you don't there is always a doctor, please help that person financially, but if you don't there is always the social, house that person, but if you don't there is the council, bring revival, but bring others to do it.

I think we got lost somewhere, in the world, relying on the safety around us, we have let the world sneak up on us, now do we really rely on God, and if He was doing something would we notice? Would we believe? I was reading in Matthew yesterday, the moment the high priest asked Jesus if He was the Messiah, and Jesus said ' Yes, it is as you say'. The whole of the religous establishment, the whole of Israel were awaiting the messiah, the moment He was there, they could not see Him, they would not believe. If a miracle was performed in front of many christians today in the western world, they would not believe.

Church is now more interested in how it does church, than to fall on its knees to God, cry out to He who can do anything and then stand up and walk out in faith to a world that is crying out. As a church we are very good at saying it, supporting those doing it even, but how about really grasping what we are meant to be doing and believing in what can be with God beside us. How about making some real sacrifices for what we are, how about making some real lifestyle choices about where we want to be. Let us turn off the tv and pc ( I see the irony) and go start giving somethings that might cost us something.

David said, he would not give a sacrifice to God that cost him nothing ( 2 Samuel 24:24), do we?
Do we do the easy bits and then get out the cheque book for the harder bits, both need doing, but you get what I mean.

Thursday

2009-06-18T13:56:00.002Z

For some reason I find Thursdays really hard, I think it is something to do with getting fuelled up at the weekend and then by Thursday, running out of fuel. Fridays are the start of the weekend, so there is obviously more fuel there, but Thursdays are hard.

I have had a busy week and I am pleased, I am getting things done, but without a load of pressure hanging over my head, I still secretly chide myself for not doing things, but I am getting there. Trying to learn and grow while waiting for the tide to turn. If things are seasonal, I am hoping that the current season is near the end and a new one will be beginning soon, I am just concerned I am going to come out of autumn into winter, haha.

At the moment I suppose I feel like I am on one of my Thursdays in general, that we are heading for a time of refuelling, which seems a bit weird considering we have a baby due in August, I can't see much refuelling going on then, but then again there is the joy of new life and of being a parent again that is a great booster, you need it to get throught the sleepless nights.

Talking of sleepless nights, I don't seem to get a whole night sleep at the moment. I sleep like a log, it is just no one else does, Tanya wakes me because I snore, the baby wakes, then one of the boys gets up excruciatingly early and starts strolling about, no constant sleep, it can't be healthy, I think the couch is looking incredibly appealing for tonight.

Roll on refuelling time.

The Bumps Are What You Climb On

2009-06-15T09:41:00.002Z

I bought the book with this title a few weeks ago, I had heard it mentioned before in a sermon by an American preacher I heard on the radio a couple of years ago, then I saw it being for sale in a local charity shop. It is a collection of short little devotionals, that originally were in a radio show, it is a nice little book. But the title is what gets me every time.

I believe, as does the writer of that book, that we develop our relationships with God as we hit these bumps.
We hit a bump in life and how we react, learn and deal with the bump, helps us grow. We make choices, whether it is to sit down at the bump and go no further or to climb on the bump and march on.

I often talk about uber spiritual people, there are not any really, there are those that have chose to climb on the bumps, or as I believe they put it in Willow Creek church, they go from exploring Christ to growing in Christ, then from close to Christ to Christ centred. It is about how and where our focus is in life and how we give our lives in response to all that is asked of us by He who we follow.

I do believe that the greatest growth comes through hitting bumps in life, hitting hard times, when all you have left is God to rely on, because that is meant to be the point anyway.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding

Yesterday one of the windows of our car shattered, it was a bit of a knock, I can't do anything about it, it is another thing like the house and stuff, I just have to rely on God and climb on the bump, show the world that it is ok, because He who I follow is in charge.

Witnessing

2009-06-12T14:05:00.002Z

I help as a street pastor on some Saturday nights in Norwich city centre. It is something I enjoy, something that I feel at home doing, for some strange reason at 3 o'clock on a Sunday morning, standing on some street corner stopping a fight or sitting with a homeless person or in whatever way we can help, I like it.

As I have done this and stuff like the youth cafe, I find myself more drawn to being out there, rather than pointing in.

The other week, while out street pastoring on a Saturday night, I was chatting to this guy about some random stuff, when he told me he had been to a church with a friend and that the person who was speaking that day had spoken about how God forgives sin. This guy then asked me very directly if this was true. I was able to give him a very brief and honest gospel message and testimony, he had to go, but a seed was planted and me and my group walked off really praising God for the opportunity of the conversation.

When it comes down to the basics that I often speak of here, the reality of God and the relationship He wants to have with us and set us free to live, they are not known, they have so often been lost in judgement and guilt, in church and religion, in trying to be different things, in being so busy looking at ourselves, that we have forgot to show the reality of Christ to a world that needs Him.

This is something that is on my heart and something I need to run with, thanks.

Called Out Ones

2009-06-11T14:21:00.002Z

I am different, most people who know me, would be saying right now, yes we know you are different John, very different. But seriously, I am different, I have led and continue to lead a rather different life. A life that in the past I have struggled to come to terms with and struggled to live.

That is the point I have made here before and will make again, I have faced and continue to face the same difficulties and problems as others, sometimes it gets me down, I get upset and sometimes I get angry. But I am different, I am called out to be different, because whatever I face, I am not alone, there honestly is a peace in my life now, that is there because of who is with me, not from anything I have done.

I know I should not go on at others, but I do think there are a lot of Christians who need to shine that specific light, the one that says, I am suffering the same pain as you, but I feel strong, loved and supported. I can be a moody whinger, what does that say to someone about my faith, I am trying and I believe really getting somewhere in not taking myself so seriously and showing that I am living, even in the dark.

Somebody during a prayer meeting yesterday was talking about the shepherd and the 100 sheep. The shepherd will leave the 99 and go looking for the 1. I think sometimes I and others get caught up in what the 99 are doing, when we are meant to be out looking for the lost 1. That is where the shepherd is.

Afterwards

2009-06-10T14:49:00.002Z

Once again after yesterdays post, things got a bit turned on their heads.

I was running about doing some cleaning and happened to look behind our sofa. We have wooden flooring, and the entire area under the sofa was black with mould, the wall was damp, it was pretty horrible. We have been having problems with mould and condensation, but generally it has been around the windows and doors, this was in our living room up the wall and across the floor. It knocked me a bit, we want to move, because of space and we have had health concerns, but we don't know how to. Very frustrating, I don't know what to do.

Tanya got a bit upset and kept on having to go and breath outside as I cleared the mould up. In the end, Tanya said to pray, so we did and asked others to as well. So if you do read this, we could do with being able to move, please pray for us. Ta.

To Do

2009-06-09T15:40:00.002Z

Quick post, it is good to be busy, it is good to have focus, I have to remind myself when I am rushing about, that is what I wanted. How quick I forget, when I am busy, I moan about so much to do, when I am quiet, I want to be busy.

I should just have a bit of consistency and be content, shine in what ever I am doing and learn from where I have been in my life. This is one of these I just wanted to blog posts, oh well.

I notice I say 'I' quite often, it is not because it is all about me, it is me taking responsibility for who I am, and I on purposely write 'I' on this blog so that I am not preaching at others.

All random musings, I have just given blood, so I will blame that.

Lastly, the reason I sat down to write was to remind myself to start 2 new blogs by me, I am not exactly sure why, as I can hardly keep 1 going. But I have always wanted this blog to be about me splurging out and expressing myself, while keeping some people up to date with where I am, I want to write 2 other blogs, 1 about issues close to my heart, Burma or human trafficking or you get my drift, a socially aware blog and 2, I wanted to share some poetry, which of course, not everyone will get, and of course some people will take the mick out of, so I thought I would do it separately. I will do this soon, I hope.