Peace and Security

I really feel peaceful and secure at the moment, it is not just being permanently employed again or doing alright with money, believe me, there are more important things in life and mine ain't perfect, yet I feel alright about it all.

I have really enjoyed lately having a scour of charity shops for books, yes some good fiction books, but mainly and what I have been mostly losing myself in, is Christian books and biographies of Christians who have made a difference, also I have just been having a lot of worship cds on at the moment, I suppose I am immersing myself in God stuff, this has led me to getting into the bible more as well, which is really cool. I have other books and cds, that I will continue to enjoy, right now I am in a nice bubble and being inspired by what I am finding.

The challenge will be, to take what I hear and read into all the other parts of my life.

Decision

I have decided to stay in my current role, commuting to Thurrock, I have made this decision based on many factors and spent a lot of time in prayer, I do always panic that I will make the wrong decision, yet right now I feel a great deal of peace.

One of the biggest factors for me, was stress, right now, working where I am, I just do my days work and go home, forget it, the time off and pay are good, the only real stress is the commuting and maybe office politics, which since I have been back I have shied away from. Staying where I am, also allows me to work on other things and chase the vision, wherever that may lead us.

I also made the decision based on being able to get along side people and help, I don't think I would have been able to be a friend within the prison service, there would always be a line that could not be crossed, and I have found other ways of being able to be there for people.

So, right now, things are really good, what next?

Prison

I had the wonderful oppurtunity yesterday to be able to go and observe a friend doing some work in a prison, it really was an enjoyable experience, something that has touched me and made me think even more about the coming decision I have to make.

I was just so pleased yesterday to find things so comfortable within myself and also so welcomed by those incarcerated, there was a real warmth to everyone, I suspect there is the lack of real personal contact, in a relational way, inside, those who work there can not get close, those around you are in the same position and while there is friendship grown from that, it must be nice to just sit with someone and chat. There is a bit in the film ' The Shawshank Redemption', where some of the prisoners tar a roof and the lead character is able to get them some beer on their last day and they sat and drank their beer and felt like real men. This is the point, the guys I met yesterday are real people and should be treated that way.

By the way, I have made my decision, stay tuned.

What is New?

The small group I am a part of , are currently reaching out and starting to do 'church' in one of the areas in our town. What I mean by that is, we are starting to meet up in a local community centre, once a week and pray for the estate where we are. We have given out prayer requests and let it be known we are there. We would also like to reach out in other ways, get to know the people on the estate and where they are and what is going on in people lives. We would also like to do some sort of 'service' on Easter Sunday.

We would like to do things differently, we want to shrug off the mantle of religiosity and churchianity and do things God's way, not just the way that things are done, the ritual or routine, behaving like a new franchise of McChurch, we want to meet with people, relationally and in a very real way, while sharing the reality of the gospel.

It is difficult, if you take away all the structures you have always known, what do you replace them with and you don't just want to replace things for the sake of it. The idea is to be true, to be undiluted, yet to break down barriers and meet with people. I know food will be coming into this, we continue to pray for guidance and fresh leading. We want to be led by God, not by man.

MLK, AP and Me

I really wanted a biography of Martin Luther King Jnr, I really wanted to read a biography of a Christian who changed the world in the last 100 years, someone who made an impact in all circles, not just Christian, but took who he was to the world and made a stand. I walked into a local charity shop on Monday and was very happy to pick up his autobiography for 80p, so expect numerous MLK quotes, as I am already folding down pages. This is what I do when I like a book and want to quote from it in future, I fold down pages. My book with the most folded down pages, is Floyd Mclungs, ' Loving the God Who Loves You.' Brilliant.

I have also started reading the second of Adrian Plass' wonderful diaries, brilliantly funny, honest and loads to learn from. It reminds me not to worry about being so weak, God uses the weak and shows His strength.

I have decisions still to make to do with jobs, what a blessing that I have a choice, not so long ago, no choice whatsoever, I am sure God is in it all.

God Speaking

Tanya and I have a book in which we write down all the little things that we believe God is saying to us and the words people give us from God, verses and pictures. The other night we just spent our evening reading through these words, reading the bits of scripture, trying to link in when we had written something down to what was happening in our lives at that time, just being encouraged and noticing the relevance of things said last year to now and also how things said then have come to pass or are more relevant now than then.

It is good to remind ourselves that God continues to speak. I was listening to a preacher a little while ago on the radio, explaining that the Holy Spirit does not act now the way He did in the bible, as He does not need to, because all we need is scripture. What utter tosh, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, why would He stop speaking and acting amongst His people, what was the cut off point, February the 17th AD 73, interesting date. The church moves and grows and continues, due to the presence of the Holy Spirit and the fact that God is still speaking to His people and we need Him. We worship in spirit and in truth, it is important to have a balance of both.

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History

One of the books I am reading at the moment is 'the hiding place' the story of Corrie Ten Boom. This lady and her family sheltered jews during the second world war in the occupied Netherlands, a fantastic, heart wrenching, moving and inspiring story. One of the things I notice is the way the German and Dutch Nazis treat others, the complete disdain and hatred for one race and the anger and hatred shown to anyone of no use or that is in their way, I think how? How can people go so low, almost wipe compassion and love from their lives, more worryingly, can it happen again?

Over the last few weeks I have been listening and have read many things on the internet which I believe are the same seeds of judgements of hate, especially against a specific race. The muslims and more stereotypically, the arabs! are being tarred with all sorts of brushes and there are all sorts of hate sprouting from all sorts of corners, and even more worrying is, that a lot of people agree.

I am a Christian, I do not believe in what Muslims believe, in fact, Jesus said that He is the only way to God and He made that way possible through His death. Now I am not getting into a theoretical discussion, but my point is, I will not replace Love with hate, or I become like the Nazis, we can all find reasons to hate, Jesus even said, it is easy to love those that love you, try loving those who don't.

Would you have hid a Jew, would you hide a muslim?

Passionately Silly

If I look back on my life, the times I have got into trouble, have either been because of passion or silliness. I am not malicious, I don't think, I don't believe I'm bitter and twisted and I don't plan revenge, yet I have, over the years, managed to get myself into the most stupid of situations, and also cause some real harm, through just being either stupid or following my heart. Don't worry, I don't think I've upset anyone too much lately, just my line of thought, the learning curve.

And what do I learn, think and wait. Obviously some things need quick actions or decisions, but even then, there is usually time to weigh things up. Think and wait should be my new motto, to replace passionately silly, it does not mean I can't be passionate, or silly, just making sure I am not causing more problems in the process.

Tomorrow I am going to have a facebook cull, I am quite looking forward to it, clean up time.

Compassion

I wrote yesterdays post after we had friends round for dinner, I had a glass or two of wine, I had started writing earlier in the day and then when I went to turn the PC off, I noticed that I had not finished it, so I decided to, probably why I come across quite harsh, well, I will leave it there, I can look at it again to remind myself to think.

These things continue to remind me of my obvious imperfections, which is not me being all guilt bound, more like reminding me to have compassion. I was just putting petrol in the car, I was queueing to fill up the car, but the guy in front was taking forever to move, I was starting to get a bit annoyed and then he got out of his car and I thought, he hasn't even started to fill up, I'm gonna be here forever. Anyway he then proceeded to try to push his car off of the forecourt because it had broken down, of course I got out and helped but it was just one of my moments, when I am too busy judging, to actually see someone in need.

Yesterday evening I was not being very compassionate, very passionate, yes, but then I just end up, preachy and finger poking and not being very compassionate. Sorry.

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Saturday Night

I was out street pastoring on Saturday night, it was good, plenty happening. I say it was good, but how good can it be when you leave a homeless person asleep in their cold wet clothes to sleeep, you give them another blanket and a cup of coffee, but still it is to leave somebody in a state that you would nevr be left in yourself. my atheist friend who has been commenting, I want to ask, where are you?

It was so cold saturday night, it hurt, I want to be in these positions again, and I will be .

It is so easy to take the easy l.ine and so much harder to takes god's line, It is about choices, what choice you gonna make?