hard

I'm a bit down right now, more like, stressed out. Probably the no smoking, a bit of worry and things not moving as fast as I want them to. As I write that down, I can think of all the things I'm meant to be learning. patience, not worrying, resisting temptation, sticking with things. It's hard to see when you are in the situation,this is when fellowship is important, people looking from outside in, definitely something I need to look at in my life. More fellowship.
The biggest thing I am learning right now, which I think, is one of the most important things a christian can learn, is...... I am weak, but he is strong, I'll screw up, he is still there, I am not alone and I rely on him. Heard something brilliant earlier actually, something about John saying this, 'what manner of love'. He could not think of an adjective to describe how big, wonderful, awesome, all consuming, unrelenting and indescribable God's Love is. What manner of love is this?, that no matter what I face, or do , or where I go, His love goes with me. I'm gonna be ok.

smoking......

I decided to give up smoking for lent, well not just for lent , hopefully forever. I like smoking, but I'm looking at my health, a new baby, how much it costs and how much control it has on my life and trying to break that bond. I think that is when I know I should be giving up, I'm addicted, right now I'm moody, snappy and I want a cigarette. I don't want 2 masters!!!! So it is important that I break through the addictive side of smoking. I have to say that right now, I am not a nice person to be round, I hope people round me have some patience, if anyone reads this , pray for me, its not easy, ta. I think it is also important not to put ourselves as christians under too much pressure. Jesus set me free, I don't want to be running round trying to find new chains. On the other hand , he challenges me because he is in me, so I am looking at my life to see if I can change. I will always be challenged, because I am not perfect, but i will not be bound by shame and guilt, because that is what Jesus took away.

Getting started

Right, I've changed the name of this blog, from something i have said i should be doing, to something I am doing, to somewhere, i am going. I love the idea of a base camp, its something in my head at the moment, the idea of a base to head out from, a place to attack from, a community to build you up and send you out. But isn't that the church, I don't know , maybe I'm thinking further on, I just get very excited and passionate about living and breathing Jesus. I suppose the biggest challenge, is to be that in the most mundane and ordinary circumstances, to shine when you are down in the crap. But then what, is it time for another stage of inclusive community, breathing , living, building , shining, reaching out, I'm just exploring and I'm deep in thought at the moment, I'm not sure where the next base camp is, I've just got to be ready to go there.

As I seem to have said here,lots alreaady, I just feel its about time I did this. I have to admit to being hugely influenced by my brother Brians blog, which I read all the time, its alot better than this one. So if you have the wrong Heasley or I'm boring you, you want curious in ibiza, Brians blog. It feels good to have a feeling, type it out, hit Publish, then send that thought or feeling out into the big bad world, there is a vulnerability to doing it, but in the same respect, that weakness promotes growth. Like if you cannot open yourself up, how can experience and feel, for those around you. How can I reach out into the world, reach out as a christian, if my heart is not open. So maybe in a small way, this is the opening of a heart. Me shouting, here I am world, I don't mind what you say, but I'm here anyway.