Thursday, 31 May 2007


I was tempted the other day to be violent in a situation with a bloke who was being very petty, it seemed to me for a moment alot easier to intimidate and hurt, than to try and understand. I took a deep breath and approached the situation calmly. The problem is I did not get the situation resolved the way I would have liked. I find myself questioning whether I did the right thing.

Actually deep down, I feel I did do right, I just have a remnant of past experiences and worldly ways about me, maybe someone on my shoulder, saying I am cowardly, took the easy way out, could have been harder, what would other people think?

These are all feelings from a life that is no longer me:

Jesus, was tortured, insulted and murdered, He was not a coward, He is a king, He did not take the easy way out, His was the hard way, yet He reigns, the Graham Kendrick song, meekness and majesty, comes to mind. I don't think I will ever have to go through what Jesus did, its just He is my inspiration, my answer.

I have an ongoing challenge with war and pacifism, taking that peace into the bigger world, can you always? I don't know, WW2 for instance, I'll just throw that out there.

Wednesday, 30 May 2007


I'm getting a bit annoyed with everything in society right now, which is ok, I'll tell you why its ok later, but for now I want to rant.
No smoking laws, idiotic. Either ban smoking or don't, all these laws do is move the problem, into homes, into families, the guy who use to let off steam at the pub with a fag and a pint, will only let off steam on the wife and kids now. Do gooders, doing bad, reminds me of a story of an area in pakistan, where a christian organisation went into and got child labour banned. Great, then families started to starve, because they could not afford to survive. As a christian I want to help with real answers in a real world, good intentions and moving problems, doesn't really help.
House buying, I have a huge mortgage, why? Seriously, why have we all in Britain been conned into believing we need to own our own house. So we don't have a mortgage in our old age, so we can sell it and make loads of money to help in the world, so we can leave something for our children?
Well, this is me personally, I might not make old age, even if I do any care costs in the future will probably mean, if I have a house selling it. My children, if they are not sorted by the time I die, and are relying on my death, I'm gonna be pretty worried anyway. Selling my house in the future to help others, when if I didn't have a huge mortgage I could help more now, instead of planning to.
There is more, honest, the goverment is destroying the country, the people are so lethargic, all they will ever do is winge. Sad.
Why a picture of a lightswitch, I just remember a line from, Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis , about why do we complain that the world is dark, thats obvious, the dark is dark, where is the light? That is the question, and the answer, the world is dark, but if you know Jesus, you have your own lightswitch, turn it on. Don't be a ranter, be a light.

Monday, 28 May 2007


'Shine your light and let the whole world see,

We're singing for the glory of the risen king'

I have just started reading the above book and yesterday was singing these lyrics from the song Mighty To Save, last week I had the opportunity to go out on the streets of Ibiza for one night and pray with some people and just chat with others.

What have all these things in common?
Donald Miller's book is, he says 'Non religous thoughts on Christian spirituallity'
Those lyrics for me state so much about my faith, simply
Last week was about Jesus in action in reality.
I think I sometimes complicate things, when getting back to the reality of things is, Jesus is my life, I have to let Him shine through me, because He is great, and the world needs Him.
I sincerely pray I can put that attitude into practice in the smallest part of my life. Amen.

Saturday, 26 May 2007

I'm back

I am back from Ibiza, visiting my brother and the 24/7 team working on the island. I have seen my family, seen some cool things in Ibiza and been able to go out for a night with the team and see what they do, which was great, had some cool chats, some great fellowship, and can see what is happening out there, how its not easy, not a permanent holiday, and these guys really need our support and prayer in what they are doing. I will try to elaborate more over the next few days. Until then, hello again.

Friday, 18 May 2007


I'm watching Rambo right now, I started to think of the other man films, Rocky, die hard, deer hunter. films I love. Do I and so many others like these films because they are so manly, or is there more to it. If these films were just manly, I could understand, but the famous films would just be emotionless kill em alls.
The good films show man where he is, vulnerable, lost. Think about it, Rocky, Rambo, John Mclane, vulnerable, lost individuals, not knowing how to fit into society, not knowing when to back down, give up, surrender, wanting to give something, be someone, but the world not understanding.
Why are the biggest man films stories of vulnerability, that's easy isn't it. It is like Madonna said 'yourself express ', But men can't. I can, why?
Feel free to ask.
In a couple of weeks.
I'm going to visit my brother tomorrow, in Ibiza, where he works, to show people how they can be what God wants them to be. He does not do that by first telling them they are sinners, but they are. He does not do that by judging them, because that is not what we are here for. He shows them God's love, he is a good samaritan, he appeals to the good that God through his creation, which has been distorted by sin, but is in each of us, and calls that out , challenges it, and brings people to the real place where they need to be, realising what we are, and being saved through His love, His sacrifice and our own acceptance of who we are and who He is.
God bless, see you in a week or 2.

Thursday, 17 May 2007


I am born, beautiful, ignorant, naive
the first thing I am filled with is greed
because what I learn is I want
A cycle that is going to be hard to stop

When I'm through with the games and bikes
I'll eat only what I want, not what I dislike
And if my way I do not get
Then love is what I'll question from them

As I grow maybe I'll learn to give
Only to gain the relationships to live
After all, what is a friend to me
Just another toy, just another thing

And sex will on the horizon rise,
and I must have it or I might die
I need it so much, with so many,
to gain the love that i'm deserving

And into life, all grown up I will walk
Still a child but I talk the talk
But what is inside now begins to ask
As you look around, how small you are

And if I'm lucky, I'll get a good start
Just the job and a devoted tart
how about some kids, and a bit on the side
no respect, no one elses pain really matters

What about the pain and the fights
Cover it up with booze, drugs and late nights,
Still looking for the answer of you don't know what
Still not getting it, are you

Well you can get some more money,put career first
A new house, a bigger one, a holiday one to quench the thirst
What is missing, what comes next
Is there not more to this life I have

Maybe there is something new to get or buy
something I can touch, some new lie
a new relationship to abuse, I must have it
Who am I,what is the meaning, where am I from

The spirits just tell me, its all ok
I've heard that before anyway
maybe that is the test I have to watch for
Easy is not right, I know that now

Then from the east just be nice to all,
What goes around comes around is that the rule
Doesn't work, its not true, I break things by accident
I don't want to be a frog next time I'm here

I can get lost in the rituals of others,
But where is the love from my brothers
It doesn't fill the hole, Habits and rules
They just don't want me to ask the question, is this real

New age, old age, rivers and trees,
new life, old life, none is easy
Where is the answer, where is my life
Why can't I have it, like everything else

Who is this God, who has been there all along
From my childhood, just stories and songs
What does he want, what does he care
What do I get, is this the answer to all

He knows my life, knows what I have done
Knows my hiding, my selfishness, all my wrong
And what He offers is not an easy road,
Is this what fills, My heart cries out,

Yet He loves me, he has shown it to
Came and died, so I would not be through
And he wants to give my life a reason
And share that love with all the world

I now know life, I have a reason
I have been given life from His Son
Now I love, respect, give and build,
Where before I wasted and used

I no longer ask myself what now
To fill a hole, I now know how,
I have given my life, my will to him,
I have been forgiven, I will win

What is the answer, I don't find in things
He is my answer , my everything
The people I have used, I am sorry
The life I now lead, I pray please use me.

northern ireland

Along time ago, I was born, and blessed be me, I was born in one of the most beautiful, yet troubled places in God's creation. Yes, I am Irish, born in Belfast like my parents before me. So please don't take offence at my videos opposite. We are not a big country, but when we do something good, it is wonderful to celebrate, be joyous always. Those little vids are just something which bring a little smile to my face.

Just one more thing, when I got to this country, I started to support this little red team, who are going to play in wee game next week, against an ickle Italian team. Come on you reds.


Something I probably do far too much of, can you over think? I think alot of Christians get stuck in overthought. Am I one of them by being a blogger?
I read Galatians yesterday, it was cool, its a real good preach by Paul, and I thought about it as I read it, contemplated different verses, noting bits on freedom in Christ and the law, and being diverted from the truth, I prayed and went back to verses, I did and didn't get. I enjoyed it. Other times I may be deeply challenged or confused by what I read, I might not get it, or I might not get it right then, its ok.
I don't have all the answers, I never will have all the answers, I know who has, so it is ok. It is great to study the bible, it is important to study the bible, same as prayer, I think it is a real must. Speaking to God and God speaking to you, that is relationship, and I am seeing people who think they don't need one or the other get themselves very confused and even falling away because they lack that relationship, that guidance.
Then what am I saying, well as I browse peoples blogs I notice people, who are wrapped up in the relationship and forgetting to live, but more importantly being there with the scripture or a word to judge others. So caught up in Christianity they forget about Christ, so caught up in the church, they have forgot the lost, so caught up in a schedule they have forgotten what the schedule is for. I know of people who have studied the Word of God and then fallen away, why?
Its just a thought, but are they searching in that word for a truth which as it says in Galatians, lives in us.
Gods word is a must, prayer is a must, living our lives for Him is a must.
This is loads of things on my mind, condensed, I'll have to see if I can put something more erudite together. It really is a blog

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

mission or mission

I'm going to visit my brother Brian on Saturday, I'm really excited. It'll be good to see him and Tracy and Ellis and Daniel, i'm really excited about seeing what they do. He put an interesting post on the other day talking about the harsh realities of the work they all do on the island of Ibiza, dealing with in your face sex, drugs and alcohol abuse, I think it is so cool what they are doing, its where Jesus would be. Then this is the challenge for me, am I where Jesus would be.

Now I am making a very serious point here for a reason, not a judgement on anyone else, this is my blog, my thoughts and my questions I am asking myself, and the things that are on my and my family's mind.

I am drawn, seriously challenged and drawn to be really out there for Jesus, to throw the towel in with the normal world I am involved in, and throw myself out there for Jesus, both me and Tanya have studied missionary sites, prayed and talked, and I really believe we are called to be out there, with a very real turn on things that we have been blessed with, by spending so many years lost, we have come into contact with so much of our so called culture, experience I know God does not plan on wasting, we have already been told that He will be repaying our locust years, and we our both being used in such great ways by God already I feel really blessed, and really know that God is working in me, my wife and family, and the future holds some sort of mission work and all sorts of great things for him.

This I think is the future though, but God has his plans, his timing, so I'll go with him, the point is my mission work now.

I talk of mission, and being where Jesus would be and being out there, but I only have to look around me, are all my friends christians, most of the non christian ones, drink too much, take drugs and there view of women and relationships, see yesterdays post. No one in my place of work knows Jesus, the most used word starts with F, I have calenders and papers to remind me what womens tits look like, the general consensus is pro white, string em up, and whatever else the sun tells them. I think Jesus would want to be here too. What about all the other people I come into contact with, driving, in shops, in life, we are all missionaries, if I can't make a difference where I am, how can me jumping about somewhere else be real, how can I be out there, when I'm no different in here, the real mission has to start inside, spread to those closest, and then to the rest of the world, as it says in Acts 1:8 ' witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the Earth'. It has to start close and reach out. Reach in to peoples lives, be interested, want to know. Be real, be where Jesus would be.

Monday, 14 May 2007


I tried looking for a picture to start off this post, couldn't find the right image to convey what I wanted.
Sex is not a dirty word, always remember my Dad saying that in a sermon, when I was little, and it is true. Sex is not dirty, it is wonderful, beautiful, enjoyable and loads of other cool adjectives, I love it, but should probably calm down now, and also point out that I mean all of that within the confines of marriage.
This all fits into what I have been saying over my last couple of posts, about the world and freedom. Sex is beautiful, look what it has been turned into, a replacement for love, instead of an act of love, a weapon, an abuse, a disease, an unwanted life, self gratification, power, control, emotionless.
I say this from a point of knowledge, I have abused sex in most of the above ways, I have been corrupted by the world view on sex. I know the way I look or think of women, I know where my mind goes with sex, if I allow it. I have seen or done most things in that way and I have had to work at not letting my mind or body go back there and letting Jesus into every part of my life. I still struggle, alot, I think this is mainly because of the ingrained world view in me.

So that I'm not babbling I will give you an example of that view, a couple of years ago, I had a female friend who was a virgin, she was not a christian, I was not a christian, I and everybody I knew at the time thought it was the weirdest thing for someone of 26-27, being a virgin, there must be something wrong with her. Why should someone waiting till marriage or love to come along to have sex be weird .

I think of my friends who had these views, hardly any of them is in any kind of successful relationship, sex being the priority for them, but also the distraction.

When have you slept with enough people, when have you gained enough experience. who says you get to try before you buy, in case you don't like that model, why is someones sexual prowess the most important thing we need to know about someone, when you are expecting to have your life with them until you die, is sex important in your 90's.

Why do we tell our kids to use protection, we need to tell them to wait, that is the best protection, at the moment disease is rife, teen pregnancy, abortions, morning after pills, relationship breakdowns. No one is learning.

Sex is beautiful, don't destroy its beauty by abusing it.

Sunday, 13 May 2007


I have recently become friends with a spanish bloke called Angel, cool name eh, and yesterday at work I was entering into one of my long monologues on the beginnings of the first world war, etc.........,when I thought of Angel, not getting what I was talking about, so I decided to ask him about life under Franco, and if life is better now or then, he said that yes they were now more free, but now they have too much freedom, and it has begun to corrupt.

I really get what he means, I cannot condone the Franco regime, or the slaughter, especially during the civil war, but what is freedom today.

It is like my post yesterday, about my son, the freedoms he enjoys( or doesn't as the case may be), like the tv, pc, time with his friends, masses of food, education, these are freedoms, then why do they cause him anxiety aged 8. What generation is being raised, watch what you wear, eat, drink, Do as you are told, Listen to the media, socialising involves the family around the tv, relationships built on a pc (yes I know, wait for it), IS THIS FREEDOM.

I personally think it is like spiderman, 'with great power comes great responibility', well freedom comes with responsibility, it is not something to shove down peoples throats, so that tribal indians can have a mcdonalds while learning to read and write. It is not something you can demand of everybody, I think that is stupid, just looking at things through a western liberal viewpoint,(not that I am against western liberals), we believe ours is the the best way of life, because we can consume so much, whether it be food, media, homes, luxuries. Well done us, we forgot about living. That is why so many peoples hearts are crying out, for what else, its like I can get something new, a house, a car, a pet, a holiday home, and then what, where is this freedom taking us.

Jesus set me free, by setting me free, I gave up my will to him, he set me free to serve, is that a contradiction, I hope so. He sets free on the inside and plants something there which grows, so that you want to set others free by being like him who released you, and being full, well he said it himself, John 6:35 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'

Saturday, 12 May 2007

parents versus the world

My youngest boy is 8 going on 15, he scares me, seriously scares me with his attitude, his knowledge of the world, his fears.
Last night I seriously lost it with him, I lost my temper, I'm just sick of me and Tanya being the worst parents in the world, its horrible to love your child and see them corrupted by the world, I was talking to him, about eating properly, he told me he didn't want to be fat, because you don't look good (thanx mate), he is an 8yr old boy. He told me is scared of everyone dying ( who has put this in his head), he told me his friends are like family, they make him happy, he needs the computer, he has to have a girlfriend. Nothing is good enough, nobody cares, he never gets things he wants. He is 8.
Well thats it, I have had enough, we are chucking the world out for Mason for a while, we are going to mollycuddle him, we are going to wrap him up in cotton wool and remind him that he is a child, the love in this home comes first.
I am sad, I am ashamed, I feel like I have failed.
I said to Mason last night, after I had calmed down, I didn't want him feeling sorry for himself, not to feel ashamed, to start afresh, free of the crap before.
I said that to him, and I know it is what my Father in Heaven wants me to do in my life as well, its hard, to be in the wrong, and then let it go, to sin and face life as is we are clean. Well I am clean, I am free, because like my child, he says to me, 'you know you have done wrong' but I want you to live in fullness, free, starting afresh. forgiven. It is not an excuse to sin with impunity, and believe me God sees the heart, so give it all, be honest to him, and then step forward, fresh, free, unashamed. living in fullness.
Its hard this parenting, I'm not very good at it, but I have Tanya to help me, and the greatest parent of all always with me.
My oldest boy, Morgan, is in a chess tournament today, I really pray he enjoys himself, and Mason gets some time to spend with his mum( I'm at work). Pray!!!

Friday, 11 May 2007

Boring me

I have to come clean, I'm boring, just to prove the point I have listed 2 sites on the sites I like part of my blog, the first is Sheppard software, online games, I like the geography ones, and the second is the online literature library, where you can go and read whole classic books, I really enjoyed reading Tarzan.

Anyway, just a bit of real me, if you like that type of thing, enjoy the sites

prayer 1

So much to say on prayer, everyone has a view on prayer, and most people have prayed, even if it is only in those darkest of moments, when all else has failed and God becomes a real option to the doubter.
Prayer is real communication, it is pleading, it is worship, it can be battle, hard, and difficult to physically grasp.
I talk of prayer and battle because I was with some guys from church first thing this morning, praying.
Such a cool way to start the day, that can be sometimes hard for the rest of the day to live up to.
Anyway, we were praying this morning about the local high school, and it suddenly felt like being involved in battle, a real scrap, there is a supernatural that is sometimes easy for even Christians to ignore, and it can be very easy and uncomfortable to talk of the enemy. In fact I even find myself now not wanting to sound like a weirdo, not wanting to sound like one of those guys who blame everything on Satan and everyone who does not fit is the spawn of the devil. We all know the type.

BUT, ( I use that word alot) If you are a christian, if Jesus is your life, then you do have an enemy, and to ignore him , is very dangerous.

The devil is a reality, and we are involved in a battle, prayer is part of that, and can be a battering ram against walls that satan puts up.
Pray, its important.

Thursday, 10 May 2007


Missed my turning the other night on my way home from work, not just any turning, it was the A12, I had to use the M11, for anyone who does not know, a longer way home for me.

So I phoned Tanya, shouting me mouth off aout stupid lorry drivers, stressing out about my long, boring drive. I was fuming.

What happened next.............

1. A car pulls right in front of me, I have to break and I'm straight on the horn, but then the driver raises his hand in apology, that simple action, calms me.

someone asking for forgiveness, puts things in perspective, on goes Delirious, Jesus on my mind and I know my drive is going to be cool and God is in it. I phone Tanya and tell her exactly that.

2. Then I pull off a roundabout and there is my hitchhiker, I stop, didn't have time to think, just do. What a cool lesson . I mean this guy was a weirdo, obviously lying to me, with some very strange stories, but that is not the point. I didn't preach, or pray out loud for him, or have a tract for him, I was just able by Gods will to give this guy a hand. I love it

Thanks God, when I think I'm going the wrong way, I'm in your hands and you will use, guide and bless me as only you know how.

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

breaking the spartans

Watched 300 the other night, not a particularly good film, overly sexual, non historical, it passed the time is about as much as I can say. I always loved the story of the 300 spartans at Thermopylae (probably spelt it wrong though), born warriors, standing against an unforgiving hoard, to try to gain time for the rest of the helenic nations to get their act together. I could probably write something about a people unwilling to bow down to a false God, a people ready to die for what they believe in, even when the odds are against you, still believe, and I don't think there have ever been worse odds. BUT...

You know what struck me........These big, guys, warriors unwilling to submit, unwilling to surrender, unwilling to be broken. I don't think it would have done the Spartans any good to submit in reality, but I really feel this is a huge problem today, especially with men.

I'm a big guy, you can probably see from different photos, I think I'm a hard man, but I'm not, I can be very intimidating, I know. I did not gain any thing from being the big hard man, nobody gains from being the big hard man, you can put layer after layer of muscle or fat, in my case, or be strong and not show emotions, seperating yourself from the world will not save you from it, you can't hide in pubs or with drugs forever. Another woman, will just lead to another woman. What have you gained?

Have you seen, or maybe been to one of those AA meetings, where the guy or gal has to stand up and say their name and then admit I am an alcoholic.

What are they saying?

They are broken, they have nothing left to hide behind. It is only then can they start to build. Men like to put up every barrier they can to having the fullest life they can, for what? For image , to protect themselves, women do it to, maybe in different ways, we hide pretending we are strong while missing out.

I want to be strong for God, I want to be a spartan for him. I want to fight for him, defend God's word, be a warrior in prayer and action.

I cannot not be a Spartan for God, unless I am broken before him, unless I open up and bend that knee, accept Jesus as King over my life, let him in, submit. Once I am broken, he has set me free, to be a broken Spartan for him.

I know this is a bit preachy, but just felt a bit inspired, and Men especially just love to be hard, to be real MEN, when the hardness stops them from being real men.

Friday, 4 May 2007


I am tired, I am very busy at work, Tanya is very tired, we have a 4 month old baby, its very easy for us to get grumpy with each other at the mo.
We were grumpy last night, I know I was in a bad mood. Anyway I was sitting on the toilet last night(nice picture eh) thinking, I should put this on my blog, as if blogging is some sort of answer. Maybe writing thoughts down is a form of therapy, is throwing it out into the world. Or am I just putting things down to justify myself, or out of ego, but most importantly, where am I taking my thoughts, my worries, to the feet of Blog, to the feet of Bloggers. I need to lay all my woes at Jesus feet, but use this place to express how I am doing that and why.
my kids at the moment have got this thing where when I am explaining something they say ' I know, its God', because my answers usually end in it being something about God, and that is my point, God is my answer.
Its ok to let off steam, to throw things into a debate, to freely express thoughts, but the answer isn't here.

I can tell you where it is though.

Thursday, 3 May 2007

community part 1

I am amazed at what brings people together, the longing of belonging.
I watched the football tuesday night, I am a red, I loved it, and as I watched the fans singing, I began to think, dangerous really, but I watched these people, focusing, concentrating, praying even, desperately holding on, to an idea, a dream, thier dream, their team, some crying in desperation, some not able to watch, singing their hearts out, you'll never walk alone.
What would happen if you could transport that, maybe just a part of that, to a christian community. The desperate longing, the intense focus, the togetherness, the passion.
If people can react this way to football, what about Sunday morning, what about any morning, what about every day. Do we have a desperate, focused longing, daily. I'm not after any guilt, I just want to put things in perspective. I love LFC, my heart was in my mouth and I had that feeling in my belly all through the game. I love JESUS....................