Democracy

I am going to continue my moan off at ways of thinking, I have been watching things happening in Zimbabwe, terrible things, people tortured and killed, people are so poor, people leaving the country in droves, and freedom does not seem any closer, the people will not be allowed to vote for what they wish.

I feel blessed with the freedom I have, but I am starting to worry about how much of a voice I have, I worry decisions are being made that I do not agree with and believe in, democracy seems to be being ignored. 'Ah' you say, when it comes to the next election, you will vote that government out, to be replaced by another group with the same policies dressed up differently, and then their are the decisions of Europe, which we have no say in whatsoever anyway we vote. Look at last week, Eire voted against the Lisbon treaty, there is talk of ignoring their vote, getting them to vote again or making some concessions. This is not democracy, or freedom.

I have been reading about Cromwell and the times of the civil war, todays politics remind me of the then rump parliament, they wanted things to stay where they were, them in control, no outsiders who could rock the boat. Cromwell had enough and ended it.

Todays politicians care about their job, but do not seem to stand for anything, at least you knew where you stood with Thatcher and Kinnock, now you have middle of the road politics, responding to the media or any other bandwagon they can get on, pushing through things that do them favours to the detriment of the people. There is no one else challenging, a few independents, with a conscience, if you don't vote for the big 2 you are wasting your time, reminds me of another country where politics stopped being about people.

What is the difference between a one party state, and a 2 party state with the same policies, where people choose on the basis of the lesser of 2 evils, and the top guys just swap jobs every few years. Where is Cromwell when you need him.

Communism

My son Morgan is home educated, he is a big fan of things Chinese and Japenese and recently had a really great experience with Tony Anthony of Taming The Tiger fame, leading to him answering the call of God on his life, brilliant, anyway, he seems to think that China is the best thing since sliced bread, and although there are many things in the world that China has given and there are many great things about China now, I cannot stand the freedom that is not there, and in reaction to this, we have recently been doing some research on communism.

Staying specifically with China for a moment, I am trying to understand, is this the best course of government for such a populous and diverse country? is my view of life in China tainted, from a religous freedom point of view or even from a western media point of view? Is China really communist, in relation say to North Korea or the old USSR?

During the last couple of weeks, through a bit of research, I have spoken to Morgan abot Orwell's book, Animal Farm, I think that in China, some are more equal than others, therefore it is a failure of what it could have been, fact.

Getting to what I actually want to talk about, instead of trying to justify my thoughts on China, the big problem with communism, is it is a wonderful idea, a wonderful idea progressed forward by some inspirational idealists, forced onto those who it was meant to help.

People like Che Guerva, who I think was brilliant, and whose reasoning was born out of the struggles he had witnessed, were always going to be flawed at the point where an armed struggle was needed and people having to be forced to follow and kept in line. Communism in general replaced one form of oppression, with another.

Christianity, is freedom from oppression, freedom to follow, freedom of choice from a position of love. Still challenging, still should be sharing everything I have, still have a choice to make, still have leaders and one ultimate boss. It is not an idea, it is a reality.

Prejudice

I am trying to be more honest, so I thought I would talk about my prejudice. It is the middle classes.

The middle classes always come across as if they know what is best for everyone else, they are right, those above and below are wrong. They are the only ones who ever cared about a class struggle.

I look at history and see the revolutions began by middle classes, to 'help' the working classes, and I have seen the bloodshed and pain it has caused. I have seen places where the middle classes have gone to help and caused more pain. The middle class road is one paved with good intentions, it is thought that is born out of luxury and leisure. I know that when I see pain in the world, my heart breaks, I want to help, but I believe that help is also to be wanted, not thrust on others, because we believe it is right, from our moral standpoint, because of what we have.

I know I am generalising, I just worry at where peoples focus is at. The biggest thing I worry about, is the church too middle class, is it out of touch, is it trying to help in the right places, can they emphasise with people not in their bubble.

I haven't got a class chip on my shoulder, I just believe that usually middle class people do. Maybe it is because the upper class know what they are and so do the working class, those in the middle do not, so try to recreate the order of things to fit back into their box, I don't like boxes either. I don't know all the answers, so I don't want to push in where I have no clue and am not wanted, but I can try to help where I am now and where I am wanted. It can be hard to be inspired by those who could not possibly know how you are feeling and therefore it can be hard to follow anyone who does not understand.

Jesus was working class, yet He was also a king, I tend to think the taxpayers He hung out with would have been middle class, maybe that is where the need is?

Being random

A quick Saturday morning post, which is not that quick for me to write, even though I make it out to be, you see, I do try to be random, expressive and spontaneous, but they are things I am not very comfortable with, when I am writing, I delete a lot, I go over a lot of what I have said, even if I agree with everything I have written, sometimes I can delete the lot in case it upsets someone or could be taken the wrong way. Not that I want to upset anyone, I just don't think this writing should be contrived, it should be random, thoughts and feelings, opinions and plans, honest. If I can look back in a couple of years and see how I have grown, or how I felt, or where my passion was with something, then it is healthy, if I am looking back at something censored, then it was not me. I hope I am making sense, I just want to be more open and honest in my blogging, like a conversation, you can't take back what you say, you can learn from it, cringe at it or stick to your guns, but it is what it is.

I am glad this is the weekend, weekends are for mindless ramblings. I am going to watch trooping the colour on tv, go to a school fete, prepare for a bootsale ( clear everything out!!! I will talk more about that, this week) and I have to put together a worship time for tomorrow night. All fun, it is good to be busy and honest.

Free

As I was saying yesterday, I was involved in this Hope 08 busineswith our church. It was good, I am glad there are some good organisers out there, it is an area I struggle with.
One guy organised the young people from local churches to do a free carwash last Wednesday, I went along and tried to help, all fun, the one thing that struck me was explaining to people it was free, one lady was nearly in tears, another gentleman put some money in the prayer request box. I went round to the local businesses, spoke to people, telling them what was happening, 'come and get your car washed for free, no catch,' I might as well have been saying ' It only costs £500,' One company did except what was going on, but still was trying to give us a donation. The next day, a friend and I were helping an old lady in her garden, some stuff will have to be gotten back to, when we explained that someone would pop round and finish it off when she was ready, for free, it seemed to confuse her, we had to explain it a few times. On Saturday we had a big party in the park, for the town, it was free and I do not know how many times I had to explain that.

Why don't people get it. Has this world become so suspicious, so out of touch with what kindness and love are, do they think love has a price, why are people so confused, cynical and surprised at acts of love. Does the love that is in their lives, come at a price, can people not be kind without being labeled as weirdos.

I remember years ago, Tanya and I would drive over the QE2 bridge from Thurrock to Kent, when we stopped at the tolls, we would pay for the person in the car behind us aswell. We thought it was funny, the look of sheer confusion on the persons face as they were let through, with the attendent explaining that we had paid for them, and then their rush to overtake us, to look into the car, searching for an answer, wondering if they know us.

I suppose we do look for payment, maybe we just don't demand it, we hope that what we do rubs off, that what is seen in us, makes people ask a question, or changes lives.

I was paid for, I asked so many questions and my life has changed, I was given something freely, with love and I have accepted it. As I am writing that, I know it sounds cheesy and churchy and preachy, but it is true, Jesus paid the price, it is fundamental to who I am now, free.

Blogging

I have had some time off with blogging, I think it was important, I mean what am I blogging for? my ego? expressing myself? a journal to look back on? a voice that I hope someone is hearing? Therapy?

It is probably a mixture of all of these, just trying to be honest, work things through in my head and on screen and maybe hoping that someone else is reading and thinking, 'I know what he means.' I read that one of the most encouraging things someone can say to someone else, when we are struggling with all the worlds problems, is ' Me too.'

With all that goes on in the world, all the uncertainties we face, reassurance and hope are great gifts we can give. It is the gift that Jesus gives, hope, acceptance and love.

As a church, we have just taken part in Hope 08. It was great, just helping people, reaching out, showing who we are, what we are. I will probably blog about loads to do with that over the coming days, because I am going to be blogging again, I like to have my voice, I probably like the sound of it too much, but I have a lot to say, so I am going to say it.

Hope you like my new blog.

It is raining outside

It is wet today, and I feel like writing. I think I said in my last post, how I have been feeling, ups and downs. Yesterday I was very frustrated, very moody, not fun to be around, walking about like there is a cloud hanging over me, in the evening, I picked up the bible and started to read. I suddenly realised, that there were things I was doing or wanted to do, that I had not prayed about, I hadn't talked to God about some things at all. I realised that I have read loads of my book on Cromwell, but when was the last time I gave the Bible that much time.

Today I feel great, nothing has changed. Or has it. Today, I got up early and went and prayed with a friend. I have committed time to God and His word. This is not some magic formula, just something that I am being challenged on, it comes down to the fact, how can you hear God, if you are not allowing Him to speak.

God is really challenging my outlook on everything at the moment. I have to say that when you start to question the society you live in, it is challenging, then planning to change the way you live, is exciting, then actually changing, is scary and uncomfortable.

What is a days work, how do you measure this when you are not at work?

Working in the home, have I undervalued housewives, just by asking this question?

School, tests, how necessary, why, is it just glorified babysitting, is it healthy for all?

Monday to Friday, a day of rest can be anywhere, why do I feel I am meant to be somewhere Monday morning ?

How do you tell people your problems, without sounding like you are begging for help?

When did TV become more important than doing, are we going to share our TV memories with our grandkids when we are older?

How do I do more, with what resources ?

How can I be more joyful, when the world is trying to depress me?

and finally, If you took a snaphot of my life at any time during the day, would Jesus be in it?

Just splurging, but these things are making me think, hope they help and don't hinder, I'm not preaching, I'm asking.

First Birthday

The first time I met my now wife, she said to me, 'Its my sister's first birthday, she's one.' This led me to take the serious michael out of her for the rest of the night, saying things like ' It's my 18th birthday today, I'm 42.'
Fortunately the next time we met, we clicked and the rest is history. That is a good story for another time.

I have been blogging for a year, happy blogging birthday to me. This is my 153rd post within that year, I hope to do more this year, if I have the time, who knows, I may give up the computer for lent or something next year, that sounds like quite a good idea actually, very difficult, I'll have to think about that.

Last thing for today, thankyou all who pass through, the last month has been the busiest for my wee blog, since I started blogging, so thanks for popping in, there is a lot of changes going on in the life of my family and I right now, so to be able to share that has been good.

And finally, for I'm a jolly good blogger........................

Just Thinking

Right now, I am in a place where I want to know where I am going, where I am meant to be, what I am meant to be doing. I don't know. That is ok.

I think sometimes you just have to go and do it anyway. In Matthew chapter 18:18, Jesus says to His disciples, whatever they loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven, whatever they bind on earth will be bound in Heaven. I really believe, some people are sitting, waiting for something specific in their lives, some kind of word, when God has already given it. Sometimes there are times when I and I suspect a lot of others feel like they have a word for someone, or we feel someone needs prayer, or even we feel like we should be doing something physically to help someone, we don't, or more probably, we ask God to confirm, we ask God for a sign. He has already given it.

If you feel you have that word, or that action to do, do it. Jesus, in that passage, I believe, is saying, step out in faith, you already know I am with you, step out and I will back you up. You have His word, stop waiting for signs and start being what God intended you to be. I will make a special point, that I am writing this to me, to remind me, to encourage me to step up and out.

Tigers, football and a 20p suit

Saturday was good. It really was a great day. I did feel a bit down the night before, the youth cafe went well, until the end of the evening, when on doing an inspection, we found a large mirror broken in the mens changing room, another breakage. I do find I get knocked easy, when it comes to the yc, I take it personally. I commented to someone the other day, that the yc only happens because I turn up. I have been thinking about this, because the truth of the matter is, the yc only works, and everything I do only works, because God shows up. So I am sorry, for being a moaner, and thinking it is all me. Time to get positive, and Saturday helped.

First thing Saturday, we had a football tournament to go to, with our youngest boy. He is year 4, but was picked to play in the year 6 team, he is very good at football, but he seriously needs to work on his temper, and he he kept on going up to the goalie, when he let in a goal, to tell him how bad he was. He takes everything so personally. Anyway, it was good and a nice start to the day. I have to say that Mason's passion for things which he does is why he takes things personally and I think passion is great.

Beautiful day, the sun was out, we had some lunch and headed off to a jumble sale. It was packed, all these people, were scrambling over these clothes, it was like sales day at debenhams. So we had a bit of a look, and we were probably going to leave, because it was so busy, when I saw this suit, beautiful looking suit. My mother in law is getting married soon, so Tanya has been on about what am I gonna wear. Well we like a bargain, so I tried it on, perfect fit, so we asked how much. 20p said the lady, 20p, we said back, Tanya then asked the lady about another 4 times, how much the suit was, 20p was the answer, so I paid, and walked quickly away, feeling like I had just nicked something. A £200 suit, for 20p. That was why it was like a sale day, every item of clothing was 20p. We stayed a bit longer. Tanya got some bits.

Finally, Tigers. Tony Anthony, a man with an amazing testimony, if you have heard of the book 'Taming The Tiger', it is about him. He spoke locally on Saturday night. He was kung fu world champion 3 times, he grew up in China, a man who was brought very low, who has had an amazing life and has found Jesus. My son Morgan is a bit oriental obsessed, I thought he would love hearing this man speak. I arranged for some of the older youth to take him, so that I would not cramp his style, etc. Sure enough, this guy gave his testimony, at the end there was a call, up went Morgan. Woo hoo, yesterday, he said to his mum he wants to be baptised now. Brilliant eh. It was a good day, but Morgan responding to that call, just tops it all. Another step on our way as a family. Just makes me appreciate this time with them more, Thanks God. Lead on.

Flippin Eck

I have been saying flippin eck a lot lately, all the time in fact. I have a friend who I am sure must hold some kind of world record for saying 'flippin eck' . It has rubbed off on me, and after saying it last night far too many times at the youth cafe, I said I would write a post on it, here it is.

I thought I would write something on the etymology of the saying, and try to sound all clever showing that the saying derives from some saxon word for goats wee or something, but unfortunately, it is a lot plainer than that. It is just a term, to replace a more vulgar term, also beginning with the same letters, I am not going there.

I have had a few conversations lately with people about watching what we are saying, you see I think we do this too much, always worried about upsetting someone. I think people need to get over themselves, concentrate on content, not etymology.

When it comes down to it though, I don't want to swear, so I say flippin eck. Hope you weren't offended.

Self Harm

I was just reading that one third of teenage girls have self harmed and about one fifth of boys. What is going on. I have wanted to write a post on this for a while, but I did not know what to write. I still don't.

I have spoken to young people who self harm, I know people that self harmed when they were younger, I know some older people who probably self harm, is this one of these taboos, something we cannot talk about, something that is hidden in darkness, so that it becomes a secret struggle, a silent call for help, a personal pain.

I can only try to understand the whys, but I am not going to be patronising and talk about why I think, or what to do if you are self harming. I don't think that is my place. What worries me, is the lack of conversation.

Working with youth, I am constantly on the lookout for ways to reach out, ways to say to young people, you are not alone, others are going through it, others have been where you have been. I once read and I may have mentioned it before, that one of the strongest and most encouraging things to say to someone, is 'Me too'.

We all struggle with different issues, to hear that someone else has gone through or is dealing with those issues, is such a blessing. By admitting we are struggling, we encourage, we also admit, that we are weak but He is strong.

If anyone knows of any resources that can be of use, please let me know.

I know Hopextreme, from Book Of Hope, is a magazine asking some real questions and involving testimonies to talk to young people, very useful and gets the point across.

Today

I wanted a funny picture today, I like funny church signs, hence picture. I like the word 'hence' too, I always tell my children to come 'hither', another good word. Enough of this randomness, yet I am a very random person.
My wife tells me, I don't always finish my sentences, I just find as I am saying something, it leads me into some other thought and I start talking about that and the same happens again. It is like my faith and my life, I have trouble verbalising exactly how I am feeling or how I am being led, this can also end up in verbal diarrhoea and often I find writing so much easier, but even then, as you can read, I start to babble. This can also come across, writing or talking, as judgemental or angry. I am probably both of these things, but do not intend to be either.

I am feeling quite down this week, even though on Sunday, I had a really great experience and a really great word, a real filling of the holy spirit, a real reality check of God being in my life, brilliant. Now I feel down, I am not worried, I feel sad, maybe it is getting use to a new situation, this new way of life sinking in. Worries on the horizon and I'm not sure what is going to happen. Maybe that is why my previous 2 posts have been about faith, exactly what I need more of. Saying that I don't feel worried, and there has been a closeness of God, so I am wondering if I am in mourning. Mourning a job and friendships of 10 years. Mourning a place that I grew up in, that really is no longer part of my life, mourning a change in lifestyle, in earning, and what also may be my house, maybe . I will be signing on this week, a good lesson in humility, I am a very proud man, maybe that is something else God needs to deal with. In His hands be it.

Upward and onward. Hence, I go hither.

Pale Rider

I watched some tv last night, not something I do very often nowadays, maybe that is something I will write about tomorrow, anyway, I did watch Pale Rider, to tell the truth it was late and I was channel flicking, but I stopped at Pale Rider and then I heard these lines;

'Their spirit was nearly broken and a man without spirit is whipped. But a preacher, he could give them faith. S***, one ounce of faith, they'll be dug in deeper than ticks on a hound.'

Absolutely amazing. You know Jesus said something similar;

'I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move from here to there, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'

Big thing faith. What are we without it. I believe we are whipped, like it said in Pale Rider, we are under the cosh, without hope, uncertain, lost. With faith, we are victorious, free and full of hope.

There are a lot of depressing things in the media right now, actually there always is, but right now, I feel there is an awful lot of doom and gloom. I really feel this nation is under the cosh, whipped and needing hope, and I know that is felt by a lot of christians, as there is something called Hope 08, going on everywhere this year. I am also aware that my personal situation looks hopeless, and there are very testing times ahead. Where do I turn. I have faith, I am scared but I have faith. I really do not know what is going to happen, I have faith. I really want to increase that faith, because there are times when I feel the darkness encroaching, well there is no turning back, I have faith.
I want to be a tick on a hound, I want to see mountains move, if people get hold of the fact that there faith is so powerful, that with faith in God, mountains can be moved in this nation. Things can be turned around, faith can be turned into action.

Stories of Faith and Fame

I went into Oxfam the other day and got a youth bible that I am able to give to someone if necessary at the youth cafe, I have some other books I have ordered and some magazines that I just want to put out, that if anyone wants to read they can, and if they walk out with them, good. I have a Manga bible and I want to get some hopextreme magazines, I just want there to be options, I don't want somebody with questions, walking away with nothing.

Another book I bought was 'Searcher for God' the story of Isobel Kuhn, it is from a series called 'stories of faith and fame', which has brought back some happy childhood memories for me, I remember books like this, I remember reading them, enjoting them and being inspired by them. They are a simple childs version of stories of some real faith driven people. I remember once visiting a church, where my Dad was speaking, and they had these books, they also had a childs version of 'the pilgrims progress' , I loved it. Happy memories. It is good to have happy memories, I can look back and see real adventures in my life and real times of faith, sometimes these can be overshadowed with sad memories.
I will not let the sad memories get me down, they are areas in my life which can be useful to others, not times to dwell on and be depressed about. I am walking forwards, not backwards.

Anyway, I have been on Amazon this morning to try and see if I can get some cheap 'stories of faith and fame', there are loads. woohoo.

prayer again

Big thing prayer, love it, so important.
If you know me or if you have been following my blog you will know I have made some big decisions about my life at the moment, not just my life, I have a wife and 3 children. My house is up for sale and I have handed in my notice at work, I really want to say to God, I am yours, this your life, lead me as you will. Of course it is more in depth than that, and has meant times of prayer and lots of talk and God's word.

Time is getting precious, with work etc........... and I am a little worried, this week I prayed, please God, I want to follow your ways, not my own desires, please be in this, please give me a word from you, let me know it is about you, not me, confirm your word to me.

God is a faithful God, an answerer of prayer, Sunday night I had a call from my sister in law, she said she had a word for me, from collossians chapter 3 verses 1-3, focus on Him, not the world.

What encouragement and what obedience, I know it was hard to phone me and say that, I needed it, it was an answer to prayer and I thank my sister in law for being obedient.

Be obedient to God, there is someone out there waiting for you to be God's voice, to confirm, to encourage, to support, to be the hands and feet of He whom we serve.

Pray and pray again, then act on the word of our master.

bloggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I am tired, I am very busy at work, Tanya is very tired, we have a 4 month old baby, its very easy for us to get grumpy with each other at the mo.
We were grumpy last night, I know I was in a bad mood. Anyway I was sitting on the toilet last night(nice picture eh) thinking, I should put this on my blog, as if blogging is some sort of answer. Maybe writing thoughts down is a form of therapy, is throwing it out into the world. Or am I just putting things down to justify myself, or out of ego, but most importantly, where am I taking my thoughts, my worries, to the feet of Blog, to the feet of Bloggers. I need to lay all my woes at Jesus feet, but use this place to express how I am doing that and why.
my kids at the moment have got this thing where when I am explaining something they say ' I know, its God', because my answers usually end in it being something about God, and that is my point, God is my answer.
Its ok to let off steam, to throw things into a debate, to freely express thoughts, but the answer isn't here.

I can tell you where it is though.

red

I don't like my last post now, as after reading other blogs , it suddenly dawns on me, people will read what I have said, they aren't just thoughts on screen. I can try too hard sometimes, got some really good ideas for books, I'll never write them, they'll never be right, they won't justify the story in my head, if that makes sense. Am I one of the only people who saw Lord of the Rings differently in my head to the film, so thought it lacked something, I use to like the cartoon version, on the other hand I remember reading Hannibal by Thomas Harris, and in my head there was only Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal.

I'm glad I'm not the Author, but I hope I can play my part as it has been pictured. I pray my thoughts will still flow freely.

wedding

I went to my little brothers wedding on Easter Saturday. Good day. This is a photo of me and my brothers. I like the photo, Matthew, who got married is the youngest, standing in the middle. I'm the chubby, grey one standing next to him and i'm a little worried that I look the oldest and fattest. Bit of a wake up call, better start looking after myself a bit more. Anyway, I like the photo and the fact that I got to spend the day with my family.
Just to throw in the deep thought, there are a lot of comparisons with Church that could be used there. I'm making notes now.

money

I have been reading some blogs on Christians and money, and I have even left a comment on my brothers blog, being a bit self righteous and I think if you read it, you might think, I have everything sorted with money and God. What a fool, this is such a big area, that people struggle with, that has so many questions and answers to go with it. I try, but personally i am crap with money, I want to be more generous, I want to have more money. I want to be free of money, WHOOOAAA. See what I mean. I feel called away from a normal life, sometimes I feel it is so I can turn my back on the financial society I live in. That is the problem. The financial society, telling us what we need or what our children need, and they need it now.
There is a book called God Chasers by a guy called Tommy Tenney, in it, if I remember correctly, he talks about his Dad standing up at a meeting in which there was a visiting peacher from Ethiopia, and asking everyone to pray for the preacher in his poverty, the visiting preacher interupted, and asked if he could pray for everyone there, in their prosperity.
Seek God first.