Am I normal

There was a programme on the other night I caught a bit of, called 'Am I Normal' . Interesting stuff, it was exploring people and their spirituality and if people who are very spiritual need to be locked up in mental asylums. That is probably a very negative view point of the programme, which was done in a surprisingly unbiased way. There were 3 bits that I saw which were interesting.

1. Sinita, the singer, talking about her faith and showing her worshipping at Hillsong London, which I found really enjoyable,

2. Then there was a piece on speaking in tongues, which showed a neurotheologist in the United States, do an experiment with a pastor, while he was speaking in tongues, where he monitored the pastors brain activity. He found that when the pastor was speaking in tongues, he was not using the bit of his brain that you are meant to when you speak, and it seemed he was not in control. Fantastic.

3. Benny Hinn?

These pieces were interlaced with people explaining what was wrong with spiritual people, how speaking in tongues, is not linguistically a langauge, and lots of theory to brush away faith!!!!!!

I think that is what bothers me now, it is the world turned upside down, the world trying to understand somebody's weirdness, and how do they do this, by using psychology, a science based on theory. Again and again, I see this world rely on theories, because they make sense, because it allows them to continue living, without questioning, without any action needed.
Depressed, take a pill, but we've just found out they don't work, then what. Tongues, can't explain that, must be hysteria, must be brain washed simpletons who need one of those pills that don't work, must put everyone back in a box, then I can rest easy. Is psychology the science of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the unexplained, fear of loss of control, fear of the darkness that rests in peoples lives, that has to be squashed out with pills and a chat.

I always worry about the church's appearance to the world, hence the question mark against Benny Hinns name, ( far to much like a choreographed show for me) it is not for me to worry about, or be embarrassed about, it may provoke good conversation, there may be good done. I need to get on with what I'm doing, how I express Jesus, am I expressing Him, am I enough???

perfection

This is the second time I am writing this, which is very apt considering I am splurging on perfection, and my lack of it.

I have just had a few conversations with people who are getting a bit confused with the whole perfection thing, and using it as a barrier to becoming a christian.

Lets get this straight Jesus was perfect. You and I am not, you never will be and waiting for yourself to be, or getting into the right place, is just putting up obstacles. One of the main points about coming to Jesus, is accepting you are not good enough, its getiing away from the 'but I'm a good person' line , you might be good, never good enough.

Jesus came, you recognise your not perfect, accept Jesus and you don't suddenly become an angel overnight. It may mean making serious life changes, it may mean going through your life and removing things which aren't healthy, it will be a life changing experience, you will not be perfect. As far as God is concerned, He will see you as perfect through His Son you have believed in and chosen to follow, but (that word again) This does not mean halos at dawn, walking about hands clasped, eyes looking skywards. It is about entering into a real relationship, in which I am challenged, questioned, encouraged and loved into trying to be what God wants me to be, and every time I slip, is about letting go of guilt, the debts been paid, standing tall again, and trying again with Jesus with me to lean on.

I write about this alot, to remind myself, where I have come from, where I have got to and where I am going. I have seen some great things lately, can't wait to see more. Be joyous always.

I'm back

I am back from Ibiza, visiting my brother and the 24/7 team working on the island. I have seen my family, seen some cool things in Ibiza and been able to go out for a night with the team and see what they do, which was great, had some cool chats, some great fellowship, and can see what is happening out there, how its not easy, not a permanent holiday, and these guys really need our support and prayer in what they are doing. I will try to elaborate more over the next few days. Until then, hello again.

mission or mission

I'm going to visit my brother Brian on Saturday, I'm really excited. It'll be good to see him and Tracy and Ellis and Daniel, i'm really excited about seeing what they do. He put an interesting post on the other day talking about the harsh realities of the work they all do on the island of Ibiza, dealing with in your face sex, drugs and alcohol abuse, I think it is so cool what they are doing, its where Jesus would be. Then this is the challenge for me, am I where Jesus would be.

Now I am making a very serious point here for a reason, not a judgement on anyone else, this is my blog, my thoughts and my questions I am asking myself, and the things that are on my and my family's mind.

I am drawn, seriously challenged and drawn to be really out there for Jesus, to throw the towel in with the normal world I am involved in, and throw myself out there for Jesus, both me and Tanya have studied missionary sites, prayed and talked, and I really believe we are called to be out there, with a very real turn on things that we have been blessed with, by spending so many years lost, we have come into contact with so much of our so called culture, experience I know God does not plan on wasting, we have already been told that He will be repaying our locust years, and we our both being used in such great ways by God already I feel really blessed, and really know that God is working in me, my wife and family, and the future holds some sort of mission work and all sorts of great things for him.

This I think is the future though, but God has his plans, his timing, so I'll go with him, the point is my mission work now.

I talk of mission, and being where Jesus would be and being out there, but I only have to look around me, are all my friends christians, most of the non christian ones, drink too much, take drugs and there view of women and relationships, see yesterdays post. No one in my place of work knows Jesus, the most used word starts with F, I have calenders and papers to remind me what womens tits look like, the general consensus is pro white, string em up, and whatever else the sun tells them. I think Jesus would want to be here too. What about all the other people I come into contact with, driving, in shops, in life, we are all missionaries, if I can't make a difference where I am, how can me jumping about somewhere else be real, how can I be out there, when I'm no different in here, the real mission has to start inside, spread to those closest, and then to the rest of the world, as it says in Acts 1:8 ' witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the Earth'. It has to start close and reach out. Reach in to peoples lives, be interested, want to know. Be real, be where Jesus would be.

sex

I tried looking for a picture to start off this post, couldn't find the right image to convey what I wanted.
Sex is not a dirty word, always remember my Dad saying that in a sermon, when I was little, and it is true. Sex is not dirty, it is wonderful, beautiful, enjoyable and loads of other cool adjectives, I love it, but should probably calm down now, and also point out that I mean all of that within the confines of marriage.
This all fits into what I have been saying over my last couple of posts, about the world and freedom. Sex is beautiful, look what it has been turned into, a replacement for love, instead of an act of love, a weapon, an abuse, a disease, an unwanted life, self gratification, power, control, emotionless.
I say this from a point of knowledge, I have abused sex in most of the above ways, I have been corrupted by the world view on sex. I know the way I look or think of women, I know where my mind goes with sex, if I allow it. I have seen or done most things in that way and I have had to work at not letting my mind or body go back there and letting Jesus into every part of my life. I still struggle, alot, I think this is mainly because of the ingrained world view in me.

So that I'm not babbling I will give you an example of that view, a couple of years ago, I had a female friend who was a virgin, she was not a christian, I was not a christian, I and everybody I knew at the time thought it was the weirdest thing for someone of 26-27, being a virgin, there must be something wrong with her. Why should someone waiting till marriage or love to come along to have sex be weird .

I think of my friends who had these views, hardly any of them is in any kind of successful relationship, sex being the priority for them, but also the distraction.

When have you slept with enough people, when have you gained enough experience. who says you get to try before you buy, in case you don't like that model, why is someones sexual prowess the most important thing we need to know about someone, when you are expecting to have your life with them until you die, is sex important in your 90's.

Why do we tell our kids to use protection, we need to tell them to wait, that is the best protection, at the moment disease is rife, teen pregnancy, abortions, morning after pills, relationship breakdowns. No one is learning.

Sex is beautiful, don't destroy its beauty by abusing it.

Boring me

I have to come clean, I'm boring, just to prove the point I have listed 2 sites on the sites I like part of my blog, the first is Sheppard software, online games, I like the geography ones, and the second is the online literature library, where you can go and read whole classic books, I really enjoyed reading Tarzan.

Anyway, just a bit of real me, if you like that type of thing, enjoy the sites

community part 1

I am amazed at what brings people together, the longing of belonging.

I watched the football tuesday night, I am a red, I loved it, and as I watched the fans singing, I began to think, dangerous really, but I watched these people, focusing, concentrating, praying even, desperately holding on, to an idea, a dream, thier dream, their team, some crying in desperation, some not able to watch, singing their hearts out, you'll never walk alone.

What would happen if you could transport that, maybe just a part of that, to a christian community. The desperate longing, the intense focus, the togetherness, the passion.

If people can react this way to football, what about Sunday morning, what about any morning, what about every day. Do we have a desperate, focused longing, daily. I'm not after any guilt, I just want to put things in perspective. I love LFC, my heart was in my mouth and I had that feeling in my belly all through the game. I love JESUS....................

wedding

I went to my little brothers wedding on Easter Saturday. Good day. This is a photo of me and my brothers. I like the photo, Matthew, who got married is the youngest, standing in the middle. I'm the chubby, grey one standing next to him and i'm a little worried that I look the oldest and fattest. Bit of a wake up call, better start looking after myself a bit more. Anyway, I like the photo and the fact that I got to spend the day with my family.
Just to throw in the deep thought, there are a lot of comparisons with Church that could be used there. I'm making notes now.

Driving again

I have a lot of anger when I drive, which seems to be born out of self righteous belief, that I am driving properly and other people aren't. Hypocrisy comes to mind.
One of the first things I think when someone tries queue jumping, or going on the inside lane when I am queueing in the outside lane is.... What right have you to do that????? What right!!!!
What right have any of us. So quick to judge, yet I want mercy, and then I'm in the outside lane and no one is in the inside, we are all overtaking no one and I get self righteous and drive down the inside of everyone to show them how to drive properly, getting angry with all these fools who can't drive. Hypocrite.
Just too much anger in an angry world, too fast , too much self , I am the great I am.
People too unwilling to say, I'm not perfect, I'm not going to judge you, not willing to give up what is bad because it feels good, not wanting to make an effort for the right life, because its easier to find something easier, for a while.
Its a narrow path. No one ever said it would be wide, or easy, but boy what a rush.
I know I got off of driving there, but this is a blog, my thoughts wherever they're going, sometimes it is just about putting a Christian life in a real context in a real world and Putting God first in it...................

TORCH

I am a very excitable person, I get really excited about knowing Jesus, and I get really frustrated that others don't. I have this big vision at the moment of making a huge torch, a nice six foot tall version of the one above and going about shining it at people, but then this morning on my way into work I had my full beam headlights on, and I was coming up behind someone and I had to remember to turn me lights down, so as not to blind the guy in front, and I thought to myself, I want Jesus to shine into people lives but I don't want to blind them. I don't really know where I'm going with this yet, just a train of thought. Shining not blinding, or maybe showing people the way instead of blinding them.????

ducks

These two ducks turn up at my front door for breakfast, sounds like the beginning to a joke, but no, they turn up and they will follow me indoors if I'm too slow getting their bread. There is nothing especially profound about this, it just makes me smile, to open my front door in the morning and have two ducks waiting for breakfast. It does remind me of where I came from, and how blessed I am now with where and how I live. So now I will get profound, and look back at how different and lost my life was to where I am now.
I and others sometimes put ourselves under immense pressure to live our lives as Christ would want. While I should always be challenged, I should not put myself under damaging pressure. Jesus himself always had a go at the pharisees for putting people under undue pressure.
I want to be fully immersed in a christian life, I want to do more and the point is, I will because I am driven by He that is in me, I will not feel bad, or pressurised, because I can look back a year ago and see myself lost, searching, hopeless and now, I'm found, alive and saved. I have issues and will continue to, but I will continue to move forward in Jesus. Ducks, eh.

struggling

Struggling again. There is always something, probably all ways will be. I suppose its how I face things which is important. I'm ok really,feel great spiritually, fine physically. I'm just being moody, probably because I've still given up cigarettes, but i still want to smoke. It comes back to me that what would happen if God woke up in a bad mood. He would have wiped us out so many times by now. But he doesn't, that is a great expression of his love, cause face it you would find man annoying, all of us would. the same mistakes, failing, destroying, killing, suffering, power hungry, selfish parasites, that we all are. (lets not get down about this. its just true)We are still loved and wanted. Wow. Dear God, please never wake up in a bad mood, you might see us for what we are, but while you still love me, I'm going to try my best for you. Amen.

Tanya

This is just a quick post, I get distracted, my wife has to remind me what I'm doing. She did not grow up in a christian backround , like I did , and sometimes feels uneducated or small in front of churchy people. I tell you now, she doe not know I have written this. I am not going to tell her. But, she listens to God, She gets it. She keeps me focusing on him. A partner is so important, well for me it is, we build each other up, strengthen each other. If I said that God had told me we should sell everything and move away, Tanya would go, ok, lets go. If it was the other way round, would I? I don't know.I have a big thing about putting God in a box, and how man, as an individual and as a religion, puts God in a box. This is something I will talk about soon, I do it, Tanya reminds me not to. One other point I have to make here. Tanya looks great.

driving

Something I do alot of and therefore put into a context of my life is driving. I drive a lot, work is 90 miles away from home. A lot of time to think, pray, sing. Amazing what you can get up to in a car. The thing that gets me most is what myself and other drivers do, and how that relates to the life we live and our relationship with God.
Right lets go; Signs, how many times do I nearly have an accident because someone has not read the signs, and how about the times I get lost because I don't see the signs, I'm not even looking for the signs, or the ones I see I ignore because I know best. Right time to turn it around;
I, we, the world, don't read God's signs. We don't listen to him, He says stay in the middle lane only, but the left hand lane looks right, we get lost, we cause accidents, heartbreak, sin, pain , longing. I know the best way. Its not my way. Its His way. I have to keep focused on Him, listen to Him, keep my eyes open for His signs and most importantly.... follow them.
Driving is a cool subject, I've got loads to say, but I'm gonna save it up. Can't wait for Roadrage.