Thursday, 21 June 2007
I can beat myself up inside sometimes when I don't feel I am getting it right, I can feel guilt for screwing up, yet again
When I was coming into work tonight I was listening to Delirious, Mission Bell, on the stereo in the car, there is a song, the last song on the album, I'll see you when you when I get there, there is a wonderful line, 'Running without fear, born to rest in your Fathers arms'.
I really had a sense of peace come over me, of knowing I am in His arms, where I am meant to be.
I then was reading Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller, and he has a wonderful chapter on Grace. About the amount of pressure he put himself under during a phase of Christian fundamentalism he went through, fasting every Monday, not watching tv, not smoking his pipe, reading the bible every day. He failed.
We all fail, we all fall, but we love because we were first loved, and that is a love that will never fail, will never fall. We will never be able to earn it, it is Grace, freely given, and freely acccepted, that will continue to change us as love can only do. I can do nothing to earn it, nothing.
I am changed and changing because I am in love, I will not be brought down through guilt and shame that has been taken from me, I am free.
Love changes, love builds, love strengthens, we will do anything for love.
In Revelation 2:4, it talks of forsaking your first love. We must remember our first love, remember the passion, remember where we have been, and where we are now going, remember that we are loved, we can not earn it, we live with it, bursting from us.
Friday, 15 June 2007
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
I am tired, which means this week, I have been moody and horrible, this week I have shouted and intimidated other drivers on the road, I shouted down my managers at work, I was venomous, I had a right go at Tanya and warned my young peoples group that I ahd no patience. I have been told I am very intimidating, the look on my face, my size, the way the Ulster accent comes back as I get louder, and I get loud, and I have always used this. I have been honest and told people how I feel, after I have screamed at them, I have apologised, told them how I feel, felt bad, cause I know I am wrong. The biggest point I have is honesty and knowing I am wrong, and trying all I can to work the other way, to understand, tell the truth, being humble, really trying to learn from Jesus.
Then I read on someone elses blog, about G W Bush serving God on his knees while fighting a war on terror.
Now I have never made political comments on this blog, I don't want to, I recognise the world is dark, and when you look at what the media throws at you, it is very dark. I want to look at where I can shine the light of Jesus, BUT....................................
Fighting a war on terror while serving Jesus on your knees is pure ignorance.
Where is the love, try explaining Jesus to an orphan in Iraq or Pakistan, He would be a God of hate and pain. Try explaining the righteous act to the Christians in those countries, in fact, well done George for encouraging islam, Christians in these countries have been reduced by over 70%. This so called war has been seen as a crusade, churches are being burnt down, Christians are being killed, so that the Christians ion Christian countries can feel safe. Did it not occur to you at any point in the scriptures that as a Christian, you are not meant to be in your comfort zone, it is meant to be a challenge and that we may be persecuted. I believe that Jesus told us to love our enemies. Full stop. Not pre emptively kill them. But, but nothing, where does it say in the new testament to kill to forward His name, it does not. I understand the need to protect and even show force, as I understand diferent cultures, to not do so can be seen as weakness. To claim that to cause more death than a ruthless dictator is somehow serving God, disgusts me. When I am angry, and act out that anger, He who is in me reminds me that is not the way to be. Someone try to justify so many deaths..............
I am not going to go there tonight on the death penalty and so many more ignorant little media driven so called right wing Christian groups and ideas, that choose to ignore Jesus and just pander to our own fears, hates, lusts and misconceptions. Please open your eyes and ask yourself where is Jesus in this, please.
Monday, 11 June 2007
I thought I'd give this a go, bit of fun. I don't know how to feel about Cliff Richard. This is the second of these I have done. On the first one with a different photo, it said I looked most like Queen Latifah, I think its great and will probably post that one too.
Friday, 8 June 2007
Fast forward to work, I do a big jobbie, in the office loo, and off I go to a meeting, come out of the meeting and am approached by the guy who is number 2 on that prayer list with, the piece of paper in his hand. He gives it to me, saying I think this is yours, it had been all round work, and back to me, with everyone now knowing that I think of them as lost and asking God for more balls to speak up. Well I don't need the balls as much now, God has thrown me straight in there, when we are not even thinking, He is at work.
Talk about open doors slowly, for everything I talk about, for all my rants, raves, ideas, feelings, etc.....It is His plan, His timing, His show. I love it when He uses me, I just pray He continues to use me, and I allow myself to be led by the spirit, with courage, love and truth, not to get on my high horse, but it to be about Him.
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Monday, 4 June 2007
Sunday, 3 June 2007
I have just had a few conversations with people who are getting a bit confused with the whole perfection thing, and using it as a barrier to becoming a christian.
Lets get this straight Jesus was perfect. You and I am not, you never will be and waiting for yourself to be, or getting into the right place, is just putting up obstacles. One of the main points about coming to Jesus, is accepting you are not good enough, its getiing away from the 'but I'm a good person' line , you might be good, never good enough.
Jesus came, you recognise your not perfect, accept Jesus and you don't suddenly become an angel overnight. It may mean making serious life changes, it may mean going through your life and removing things which aren't healthy, it will be a life changing experience, you will not be perfect. As far as God is concerned, He will see you as perfect through His Son you have believed in and chosen to follow, but (that word again) This does not mean halos at dawn, walking about hands clasped, eyes looking skywards. It is about entering into a real relationship, in which I am challenged, questioned, encouraged and loved into trying to be what God wants me to be, and every time I slip, is about letting go of guilt, the debts been paid, standing tall again, and trying again with Jesus with me to lean on.
I write about this alot, to remind myself, where I have come from, where I have got to and where I am going. I have seen some great things lately, can't wait to see more. Be joyous always.
Saturday, 2 June 2007
I have the internet at work in front of me all the time. I'm at work now, so its easy for me to do this, but its also easy for me to get stuck in internet world and forget I am working. More challenges.......