Freedom or Frustration

I have been waiting for just over 22 weeks to find out if I am going to be employed by her majesty's prison service. I did the applications, the 'rads' day of tests, interviews and role plays and I have been waiting for myself to be security checked, credit checked and all sorts, I suppose, and finally yesterday I was contacted and told that I have passed everything and I have been allocated a prison, not my first choice, but a prison, but.....

There will not be a job for about 18months!!!!!!!

I know I have been putting my eggs in this basket, I have been trying to get other things and looking around for retraining in different areas, but there isn't alot going on, recession and all that and I really wanted to be a prison officer, I still want to be a prison officer, I still can be, in 18 months time, as long as I can stay out of the bankruptcy courts and stay sane.

I don't really know what to do now, as I have said, it isn't as if there are other job options. Tanya has nearly finished her hair course, so I can carry on being a househusband, for a working mother, so I won't be a jobseeker, just a bit mad at being alone, not really integrating into the mums world, just on the outside, I could go to college and study for something, do a degree, but I would have to say no to the prison service and I just don't know if it would be viable.

As a family, we could go on mission for a year, somewhere, I am seriously contemplating this at the moment, I have an idea how it can be payed for, but Tanya is pregnant and other root things, but I would intend on coming back and being a prison officer.

When it comes down to it, I don't know, the title is how I feel and the question I am asking, have I been given a year and a half of freedom? I am so frustrated at not being able to do, not knowing what to do, wanting to get it right and I feel like I have been hit, yesterday I felt hurt and confused. I am still confused.

Today I read in a daily devotional, 'How long will the attack last?' and then '....Having done all...stand' Ephesians 6:13 I also read in another all about being joyful, I need to be joyful, stand and see where God wants me to run with this and turn a time of confusion and inanimation into something useful, bright and alive.

God is the God of turning what appears bleak, or inconsequential or insignificant into what He wants it to be. I think of joseph, slave and prisoner to first minister of the greatest super power of its day, the shepherd boy who slaid a giant and became a king, the messiah, emmanuel, born in a stable.

Appearances can be deceptive, I bet the magi weren't expecting to be kneeling where they did.

I know things ain't too bad, I have sooo much, I am sooo blessed, I am just frustrated and confused about what is happening right now and I want the patience and grace to see how God is working through all these things.

I have officially spouted off, thanks.