I was not recovered, my brain has been causing me problems for the last week. During half term, I tried to take time out and the last week, I don't really know what I have been doing, being bored is the general consensus. I have been at home, unorganised, not really knowing what I am doing, with Tanya and by about Saturday, I was really starting to go a bit mad. No doors have been opening, applying for jobs with no answer, looking for courses, not finding the right one or not being able to get on it, I am not really sure what I am meant to be doing and felt really guilty at thinking, Tanya will work, I will be househusband and work in some areas of voluntary service or learn something.
I have got over myself a bit now. I did some planning with Tanya yesterday, and I have to be reprogammed about what work is, what serving is, how I am not to worry what the world thinks of me. I say this and then having to explain to people, no I don't work, I find awkward. Is it because, as a society, we base so much on what someone does, or I don't want to be a sponger, or lazy????
So many things I am yet to deal with. I am now going to give certain days over to certain things, this is my plan. One day to getting everything right in the house, one day to help on the farm, one day to help in the community, one day to plan for the future and ministry and one day to focus on learning. These are focus points for my days really, to help me be organised, not waste my time, serve and learn. We will see.
I am feeling good and walked with.
No comments:
Post a Comment