If you don't know, Tanya is pregnant again, she had a scan a couple of weeks ago, we will be having another girl, we didn't mind, but I suppose another girl helps on the practical side of things, 2 boys, 2 girls, brilliant, eh?
Last night Tanya and I were officially commissioned as street pastors, which is good, really still enjoying this and where Tanya is pregnant, she is doing the intercessing side of things at the moment, so we have both sides of things covered there.
The YC started up again on Friday after an Easter break, new challenges there, as number 1 the young people who are coming now are younger, as the older ones are moving off to other things and we have to start making new relationships. Number 2, it is summer time, the young people prefer to be out than in ( I don't blame them ), so we will probably be doing the YC in its current format for a couple more weeks and then we will do something 'different', until September, when we start again.
On Sunday, David, who is a young lad who came to the YC and through it started to come to church, was baptised, I and another had the privilege and it was a blessing.
This week I helped, and may it be the beginning of something weekly, at the 'Kadesh Farm Project', they are doing a great thing, but for me on a personal basis, it was good to some good old fashioned manual labour, I enjoyed it, I am stung and have a bit of a tan, all good.
So, we need to move, to a bigger house.
Work ???????
I would like to study something, but...?????
Finances, planning, I just don't know.
What I do know, is we will be moving this year, we will have another child, Tanya will be a qualified hairdresser and God is in it all, He has it planned out already and I am living in His freedom, bring it on.
Thursday 30 April 2009
Wednesday 29 April 2009
Consistent Freedom
I am continuing to feel a sense of freedom over my life, a real joie de vivre about all sorts of things, a consistency in what I am doing, although I am still not sure what I am doing, God is nudging and guiding, opening and shutting doors, it is like walking in a maze with someone who knows the way, keeping me away from the dead ends and saving me from getting lost, while I still can't see the way.
I believe the greatest reason for all that is happening with me now, is down to relationship. Relationship, relationship, relationship, is what I would say if I was a politician. There is so much baggage removed, so much freedom in just getting into relationship with God, that is what He desires, not sacrifice or offerings.
It is the reason for our creation and the reason for Jesus' death. Relationship.
And then we put so much in between it, I was reading a wonderful analogy yesterday of a husband buying flowers for his wife and then her going to get some money to pay for them, as a husband I would be offended if I gave someone I love so much a gift and they tried paying for it, al I would want would be for her to accept my gift, accept a symbol of my love, as part of our relationship. God has given us the ultimate gift and wants to give us so much more and we try to put conditions and structure to everything, God must be so offended.
The fact is, the more I know God, love Him and am in love with Him, the more I want to be like Him, to know Him more, to know His ways, His word, Him. That is when I pray more, read more, act more, out of love, from the relationship I have with Him.
There is more to unpack here, but I have run out of time, goodbye for now
I believe the greatest reason for all that is happening with me now, is down to relationship. Relationship, relationship, relationship, is what I would say if I was a politician. There is so much baggage removed, so much freedom in just getting into relationship with God, that is what He desires, not sacrifice or offerings.
It is the reason for our creation and the reason for Jesus' death. Relationship.
And then we put so much in between it, I was reading a wonderful analogy yesterday of a husband buying flowers for his wife and then her going to get some money to pay for them, as a husband I would be offended if I gave someone I love so much a gift and they tried paying for it, al I would want would be for her to accept my gift, accept a symbol of my love, as part of our relationship. God has given us the ultimate gift and wants to give us so much more and we try to put conditions and structure to everything, God must be so offended.
The fact is, the more I know God, love Him and am in love with Him, the more I want to be like Him, to know Him more, to know His ways, His word, Him. That is when I pray more, read more, act more, out of love, from the relationship I have with Him.
There is more to unpack here, but I have run out of time, goodbye for now
Thursday 23 April 2009
Incommunicado
Incommunicado: Deprived of any communication with others.
This has been me for the last few weeks, BT messed up putting someone elses line on, first giving us a cross line, then cutting us off completely, I only got the internet back yesterday. I have missed it, it was frustrating, but it has also allowed for a lot of reassessment of things, priorities and focuses. Tanya said it was like everything shut down so that the only person we could talk to was God. The tv has been off so much in our house, no telephone, no internet, it is good. The tv will continue to be off, it gets in the way too much. The telephone is helpful, I'm not on it that much, the internet and computer as a whole needs to be relegated, to used when needed, rather than the focus and what I do. Although I will be on it for a while now to catch up with emails, some words, budget stuff and other excuses I have.
In my last post I wrote about frustration or freedom. I have been frustrated lately, in all honesty, I have been frustrated for a long time. There is so much I feel I still carry around with me, that I shouldn't. There has been some ugly scenes at my house lately, dealing face on with issues, that have held me and my family back, there is probably more, and there will certainly be more challenges, especially with a teenager in the house, the challenges can be daily.
As for me, I feel like a cloud has lifted, or I am starting to see some light at the end of a tunnel, I am starting to feel freedom, that is not to say that more clouds won't come, or that I am through the current storm, and I am very wary of the death throes of the current beasts I am dealing with, the night is darkest before the dawn. I actually do feel that the last season and all that has gone with it, is coming to an end. My feelings at the moment are not of feeling calm or ok in the lull of the storm, as I have felt before, it is the feeling that the current storm, is being calmed.
I am feeling free, and that is the answer to my last post, freedom. I am back in communication, the lines are open.
This has been me for the last few weeks, BT messed up putting someone elses line on, first giving us a cross line, then cutting us off completely, I only got the internet back yesterday. I have missed it, it was frustrating, but it has also allowed for a lot of reassessment of things, priorities and focuses. Tanya said it was like everything shut down so that the only person we could talk to was God. The tv has been off so much in our house, no telephone, no internet, it is good. The tv will continue to be off, it gets in the way too much. The telephone is helpful, I'm not on it that much, the internet and computer as a whole needs to be relegated, to used when needed, rather than the focus and what I do. Although I will be on it for a while now to catch up with emails, some words, budget stuff and other excuses I have.
In my last post I wrote about frustration or freedom. I have been frustrated lately, in all honesty, I have been frustrated for a long time. There is so much I feel I still carry around with me, that I shouldn't. There has been some ugly scenes at my house lately, dealing face on with issues, that have held me and my family back, there is probably more, and there will certainly be more challenges, especially with a teenager in the house, the challenges can be daily.
As for me, I feel like a cloud has lifted, or I am starting to see some light at the end of a tunnel, I am starting to feel freedom, that is not to say that more clouds won't come, or that I am through the current storm, and I am very wary of the death throes of the current beasts I am dealing with, the night is darkest before the dawn. I actually do feel that the last season and all that has gone with it, is coming to an end. My feelings at the moment are not of feeling calm or ok in the lull of the storm, as I have felt before, it is the feeling that the current storm, is being calmed.
I am feeling free, and that is the answer to my last post, freedom. I am back in communication, the lines are open.
Wednesday 1 April 2009
Freedom or Frustration
I have been waiting for just over 22 weeks to find out if I am going to be employed by her majesty's prison service. I did the applications, the 'rads' day of tests, interviews and role plays and I have been waiting for myself to be security checked, credit checked and all sorts, I suppose, and finally yesterday I was contacted and told that I have passed everything and I have been allocated a prison, not my first choice, but a prison, but.....
There will not be a job for about 18months!!!!!!!
I know I have been putting my eggs in this basket, I have been trying to get other things and looking around for retraining in different areas, but there isn't alot going on, recession and all that and I really wanted to be a prison officer, I still want to be a prison officer, I still can be, in 18 months time, as long as I can stay out of the bankruptcy courts and stay sane.
I don't really know what to do now, as I have said, it isn't as if there are other job options. Tanya has nearly finished her hair course, so I can carry on being a househusband, for a working mother, so I won't be a jobseeker, just a bit mad at being alone, not really integrating into the mums world, just on the outside, I could go to college and study for something, do a degree, but I would have to say no to the prison service and I just don't know if it would be viable.
As a family, we could go on mission for a year, somewhere, I am seriously contemplating this at the moment, I have an idea how it can be payed for, but Tanya is pregnant and other root things, but I would intend on coming back and being a prison officer.
When it comes down to it, I don't know, the title is how I feel and the question I am asking, have I been given a year and a half of freedom? I am so frustrated at not being able to do, not knowing what to do, wanting to get it right and I feel like I have been hit, yesterday I felt hurt and confused. I am still confused.
Today I read in a daily devotional, 'How long will the attack last?' and then '....Having done all...stand' Ephesians 6:13 I also read in another all about being joyful, I need to be joyful, stand and see where God wants me to run with this and turn a time of confusion and inanimation into something useful, bright and alive.
God is the God of turning what appears bleak, or inconsequential or insignificant into what He wants it to be. I think of joseph, slave and prisoner to first minister of the greatest super power of its day, the shepherd boy who slaid a giant and became a king, the messiah, emmanuel, born in a stable.
Appearances can be deceptive, I bet the magi weren't expecting to be kneeling where they did.
I know things ain't too bad, I have sooo much, I am sooo blessed, I am just frustrated and confused about what is happening right now and I want the patience and grace to see how God is working through all these things.
I have officially spouted off, thanks.
There will not be a job for about 18months!!!!!!!
I know I have been putting my eggs in this basket, I have been trying to get other things and looking around for retraining in different areas, but there isn't alot going on, recession and all that and I really wanted to be a prison officer, I still want to be a prison officer, I still can be, in 18 months time, as long as I can stay out of the bankruptcy courts and stay sane.
I don't really know what to do now, as I have said, it isn't as if there are other job options. Tanya has nearly finished her hair course, so I can carry on being a househusband, for a working mother, so I won't be a jobseeker, just a bit mad at being alone, not really integrating into the mums world, just on the outside, I could go to college and study for something, do a degree, but I would have to say no to the prison service and I just don't know if it would be viable.
As a family, we could go on mission for a year, somewhere, I am seriously contemplating this at the moment, I have an idea how it can be payed for, but Tanya is pregnant and other root things, but I would intend on coming back and being a prison officer.
When it comes down to it, I don't know, the title is how I feel and the question I am asking, have I been given a year and a half of freedom? I am so frustrated at not being able to do, not knowing what to do, wanting to get it right and I feel like I have been hit, yesterday I felt hurt and confused. I am still confused.
Today I read in a daily devotional, 'How long will the attack last?' and then '....Having done all...stand' Ephesians 6:13 I also read in another all about being joyful, I need to be joyful, stand and see where God wants me to run with this and turn a time of confusion and inanimation into something useful, bright and alive.
God is the God of turning what appears bleak, or inconsequential or insignificant into what He wants it to be. I think of joseph, slave and prisoner to first minister of the greatest super power of its day, the shepherd boy who slaid a giant and became a king, the messiah, emmanuel, born in a stable.
Appearances can be deceptive, I bet the magi weren't expecting to be kneeling where they did.
I know things ain't too bad, I have sooo much, I am sooo blessed, I am just frustrated and confused about what is happening right now and I want the patience and grace to see how God is working through all these things.
I have officially spouted off, thanks.
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