Be Still

I have written a blog before on being still and knowing that God is God, I especially wrote on the God being God bit. Today I wanted to write about the being still.

I pray, I like to pray, I pray loudly, I call out, I praise God, I have a running commentary with God throughout the day, trying to keep in touch with Him, I also struggle in prayer and some mornings, especially mornings, it seems like such a struggle and it is hard not to get repetitive, praying about the same things in the same way, sometimes it is hard just to concentrate, without going off into what I am going to be doing today, or working out for God how He can sort out the situation I am praying for. Sometimes I say the Lords prayer in my own way, to keep me focused. I might praise God, plead with God, share with God, but do I listen to God.

This is meant to be a two way relationship, yet it involves an awful lot of talking done by me. I read the bible, and when I am praying, like on Monday, God just sometimes speaks or shares, but how often do I just stop.

How often do I just stay still and like psalm 40 says wait on God, how often do I make prayer about Him, instead of me, how often do I just rest in Him, how often do I listen out for the still small voice, or do I just get wrapped up in being loud, in being wordy, in being needy, in prayer being about me.

Passing on the Baton

The title of this blog has so many connotations, so many areas in my life where I can place this expression. Passing on the baton is one of the things which drives me, funnily enough, not me passing it on, me grabbing hold of what is passed to me and running with it.

I do worry that if I am not there with arm outstretched ready to sprint for my life, that the baton will pass to someone else, that if I cannot be what God wants me to be, then He will get someone else to do it, I don't want someone else to do it, I want to, not in some spoilt brat way ( although I am sure that is something to do with it), but simply, not on my watch, not while I can, not while I should.

There are some movements within the church right now, movements of God's people back onto the streets where they should be, movements for more intimacy and community within the church so it is able to step out stronger, movements to break down tradition, in favour of following where God wants us to be.

I do not want to be left behind, I want to be in there, seeing what God is doing, doing what God wants me to do, being part of where His spirit is leading, sprinting with the baton.

I also want to know, when the time comes, when it is time to pass the baton on, I really pray now, that those who are carrying a baton now, will pass it on.

I want to leave you with RT Kendall's number 8 reason for why you may be a pharisee;

We esteem ' the way we've always done it' above change
even when the latter is not heretical.

Sharing Miracles

It has been really encouraging to hear this last week of other peoples stories, who have been in a similar position to us, I have said it before, but one of the most encouraging things one christian can say to another in times of weakness or need is, me too.

My Dad was telling me that just after I was born, we as a family, were in a very similar position to the one me and my family are in now, the house was sold, there was nowhere to go. On the final day, somebody came forward with a house for us to stay in, which worked out lovely as a stopgap, before we moved to Craigavon, into a council house.

A couple of other people have told me of times when suddenly references, credit checks and deposits were not needed, when they should have been, even this morning someone was telling me about the adoption of their child, which should have taken 3-4 years and they were told that they would probably not get a baby, which is what they wanted, within 10 months, they were bringing their baby son home. God moves.

On Sunday, some friends of ours said to us, that if we do not have somewhere to live by the time we are made homeless, they will move in with his mum, and we can stay in their house!!!! They have 2 kids of their own, they are a young family too. Such love. I just did not know what to say. God is big.

I worry for those people going through the same as us, without God or His family, we are blessed to have both.

Such Love

I have had a pretty good weekend, things have felt ok, and there have been some really wonderful expressions of being in God's family this weekend that I will probably talk about in another post. I have made a couple of notes on things that I want to write about, I will probably have to leave them until I get bloggers block, because over the last few days things keep popping in my head and actually staying there, so they are probably more important.

I sort of made a decision yesterday, that I was really going to try to push more and more into God this week, I just want more of Him, I want to fill in gaps where I put other stuff, with Him and honestly I would really like to know what His plan is right now and if He wouldn't mind sharing it with me.

I started to speak to God today and really ask for forgiveness, that if me giving up my job, was just me being selfish, then I am sorry, and I just desperately want to follow Him, because sometimes I do feel that I have got myself into a mess and am now relying on God to get me out of it. He knows my heart, thankfully.

As I continued to pray this morning I got a song going round in my head

' This is Jesus, in His glory
King of Heaven, dying for me
It is finished, He has done it
Death is beaten, Heaven beckons me
Such love, such love is this for me'

Jesus died because He loves me, He has not just died, then I will see Him in Heaven, He continues to love me, He continues to be with me, He is not going to leave me or stop loving me, I am in His hands, everything will be ok.

I've put the song on my youtube thingy.

Laughter

You have probably noticed there are a few things going on in my life right now, over the last few posts I have shared what is happening in my life right now, and it does not exactly look good. I have also shared the fact that I know God is with me, He is in charge and up to something He has not told me about yet. I will also confess that I am not always up about this situation, but I can sometimes worry, get frustrated and down.

One of the biggest things I was worrying about yesterday was the reaction of my sons, I know they love living where we are, I also was worrying that they would blame God and start being resentful and bitter and where would that lead?
Well they were great, absolutely no problem, they have started to get excited about where we will be next, although they would like to stay as close to Diss as possible. God takes care of it all, He said, as I said the other day ' do not worry', He means it.

I was thinking about my childrens reaction yesterday evening and I started to laugh an laugh and laugh, this morning every now and then I just start laughing. Laughing is good, I love laughing, I am even doing a youth service soon on laughter, and right now I feel God hs given me laughter.

So, for once doing a bit of research for my blog, I typed laughter into 'Biblegateway' and got some verses and these two jumped out as the most relevant;

Job 8:21He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.

Psalm 126:2Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."

Laugh.

Well.........

Number one, I have made some notes of things I have going on in my head for some future blogging, so hopefully, from the one word titles I have written down, I will remember what I was thinking, I'll try. Seems to be my favourite words, I try.

Number two, today a possession order has been granted on our house for 28 days time. Everything was very polite, very sympathetically done, I could offer no defence, the judge told me, in a very fatherly way, that the world is not finished with me yet and I should look at training and education, but they will have to take the house.

The council have not a lot to offer and consider our debts and my decision about work, as intentionally making ourselves homeless, therefore getting a house from them is now looking distinctly difficult, on top of that no one seems to want to rent to someone who has been repossessed, unless we can put loads of money down up front, if we had that money, we wouldn't be getting our house taken away. Not a lot of options.

So there is only God, probably that is the point, when you have nothing left, there is God, when it is all gone, that is all we can cling onto. When I gave in my notice at work, in January, I really felt God say to me, now you have given your life to me. Well now there is no job or house or some other things, my life is in His hands. I feel ok, why worry, Jesus told us not to, I am just on a fast track learning scheme, wondering what is going to happen next and quite enjoying the ride. Praise God, I am His.

?

I have ideas and thoughts all the time about things I want to write down or get off my chest, I then don't make a note of it, I then forget it when I am sitting here in front of the computer, and then I either splurge out randomly, something comes to mind, or I don't write anything. I do enjoy blogging, just throwing random thoughts out there, thinking out loud, making notes for a later date. I should probably start carrying a notebook.

Tomorrow I am in court, for a hearing on the repossession of my house. I feel ok, although it is a bit daunting. I know God will provide, I know He will be with me, it may sound funny to anyone without faith, but I know He has a plan and has been in everything we as a family, have been doing and going through, that has been my desperate prayer, that He be in it and with us, I do worry about the boys and how they are going to handle things, I really pray they will get it, not resent it, resentment leads to such dark places.

I do feel that we are now standing at one of those points, where God asks the big questions. I have applied for so many jobs, I have had loads of interviews, and believe it or not, I am good at interviews ( although the evidence does not seem to support this ) anyway, I have no job. The house is soon to go, the debts continue to back up, and the financial advisors are starting to talk about bankruptcy, the funding for Morgans schooling has disappeared, if we move, Mason will not be able to go to the school that he loves so much, if we go bankrupt, Tanya will not be able to do the hairdressing course.

This is not a depressive blog, I sit here smiling, just about to take my daughter to 'mothers' and toddlers, I have money in my pocket and we all have each other. More than this, I am not alone, God is with me and I when I have nothing, I just want to praise Him, it is all I can do. I know where I was and I know where I am. I am not trying to sound uber spiritual, sometimes, a lot of times, I am down and it is hard, but I know He is there, wherever, whatever, it will be ok, in fact, with God, I am sure it will be great.

Pray.