simpsonized

I have had myself simpsonized, certain people have always compared me to Homer, well here we now are at work together.

Theft

I have just caught this bloke doing something silly on my site. I believe he was stealing. I have confiscated what he had, and asked him to go away and prove that it is his, that's as much as I can say, I tried to be as sensitive as possible, but I know that tomorrow there will be loads of people jumping about trying to prove he has done wrong. It has thrown up some things in my mind.

Bear with me here, this has just happened, my thoughts really are raw.

I feel sorry for him, if he has done wrong, he will now lose his job, he will probably be prosecuted by the police, over something not worth a lot, he will have to face his family and friends, with this hanging over him, his family will suffer. He has so much to explain, and he will have to do it again and again.

I realise now I could not be a policeman, or a lawyer, or a judge, although I admire what they do and their jobs are so necessary, its the after effects I can't deal with, the why did they do it, what is going to happen to them now, what is going to happen to those close to them.

In a way, I think it is because I am aware I am stupid, and I do stupid things, but knowing that through all of that I have been forgiven. Yes by God, but also by my wife and friends, my crimes have never been punished too harshly, yet most of the time the world does not see them as crimes, I'm talking about the lies, yes the stealing and so much more, and then we are so ready to condemn those who have comitted illegal acts. He who is without sin and all that. I also know there will be guys tomorrow enjoying going through video footage, enjoying catching and punishing. That is not right.

I'm just going to give this to God, pray for that bloke, but I want to dwell on some of this theme a bit more, maybe I'll add more later.

a good word

There has been a few talks lately in the church I attend about using scripture to break down strongholds within us. Like rereading a relevant piece of the Bible over a period of time, I suppose until it goes in. I am personally finding this really helpful, but I wasn't.

I don't know if I am explaining this properly ( it is late, I am at work), but I suppose the idea is, you are a person with anger issues ( like me), so you find a nice bit in the Bible about controlling your anger, and reading it over a few weeks, anger issue solved.

No, I think there is more to it than this.

I have to say, that when the people were speaking about this, there were was alot more to it than what I have just said. But ( my favourite word).

I feel that there is a word in the bible for you, for me personally, and that is important, sometimes we go off doing things to make us right within ourselves or with God, without God.

The most important thing is our relationship with Him, and it is only through that relationship, we start to move forward, through prayer, through contemplation and reading His word, through the life we lead with God.

I don't know if I am just talking personally, but it wasn't till I had a word that hit home for me, something that I could get my teeth into, wrestle with and walk with, that working through something with scripture really started to impact me. I have a personal reltionship with God, so the words are personal to me, impact me, change me and help to build and fortify that relationship and that walk.

I suppose its like hearing a good sermon/talk/teaching, and talking to others after, and finding that you all got something different from it. Something personal to you. God speaking to you.

Anyway, my bit of scripture 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

Gippos

The picture didn't come out to good, ho hum, just wanted to write about gypsies. When I was 20, I spent some time working for Irish gypsies in Germany. A very strange and eye opening experience, which I say honestly scarred me for many years.

I had loads of what you could call adventures while with these people, alot of which involved doing things their way, by their laws, maybe I will write them down here some time, or write a book about my experiences.

The last thing that happened to me while I was with the gypsies involved me getting drunk, and trying to stop them beating up a Polish guy whom I shared a caravan. The gypies tried to kill me , chased me, ran me over at one point, chased me around some place in Germany, through fields in the dead of night, I was scared, more scared that I have ever been in my life. I remember the next morning finding a telephone and phoning my wife, and just crying, sneaking on to a train to Berlin, hiding at the airport until I could get a flight. I could go into so much more detail but its not important right now.

I escaped back to England, but I was scared for a while after, that they would come for me.

since then I have referred to gypsies as scum, I put them all in the same box, and have had no compassion for them at all. A bit of a challenge in my life now.

I forgive them. I liked some of those guys I met, The ones I didn't, well I understand that they have been brought up a certain way, not an excuse for them, just me trying to understand.

They caused me pain and fear. I am sure I have scared people in the past, I have acted cruelly, there are probably people out there who hold a grudge against me, for wrongs I have committed, well I'm sorry. and to those who have hurt me, I'm trying to understand, I am not holding onto the pain or fear anymore.

Forgiveness can be very hard to do, it can feel like letting go of justice, letting go of revenge, letting go of someone getting their just desserts. But really it is freedom, it is saying that how you have treated me, has no control over me, your pain, fear, bitterness, anger, hatred does not control me, I am free of it all.

Most importantly it is what Jesus tells us to do, and as with everthing else I find, the stuff God tells us to do is not just for his sake, but for ours as well, as we are set free, kept safe or taught the best way to live.

workaholic

I like my sleep, I can lay in, I'd rather not do alot, but I do, and even though I say I'd rather not, if I don't do anything, I feel like crap.

Tanya asked me to take some time off work this week, to be there just to help a bit with our 3 kids and the 2 foreign students, so I did. Now according to Tanya, she wishes I had stayed at work.

You see I'm not doing anything, it frustrates me, I get moody, argumentative, angry.

What I am doing is measuring my day, asking what have I achieved? If I don't think that is enough, woe betide everyone round me, So then what I'm actually doing is judging myself and not coming up to par.

I have been thinking, praying and talking alot lately about not judging, not condemning and accepting God's love.

I have been attempting to do this outwardly more and more in my life, being accepting and showing love, yet I can't relax for one day knowing I have not done enough. What is enough, I'm still doing loads, as taxi driver, chef, washer upper, babysitter, etc, and then I start getting moody because no one is doing as much as me, everyone else is being lazy.

What I am doing is first judging myself pointlessly, then tuning my self judgement into judging others.

Tanya said, she just wanted me to be here, to support her, to love her, she got a moody annoyance.

Jesus wants us to love Him, don't be a moody self judging, world judging annoyance.

new template

Just giving this new template a go , I don't know if I like it, I've lost my video bit and all my links to sites and other blogs, so I have to either sort that out or revert back in a couple of days, I think I will resort back and just change some colours.

I watched Friends the other night, it was the episode where a cheesecake gets delivered accidently to Chandler, He and Rachel then eat it, its great, they get another one. Then at the third one they argue over it, it ends up on the floor.

They start to eat it up off of the floor. At this moment Joey arrives, Rachel and Chandler look up ashamedly, Joey pulls out a fork and sits down with them.

What a Jesus moment, think about it.

love

I was going to write about the pouring out of love anyway, but then look at the cool picture I found.

I have just really felt Gods love more and more lately, and it is really great to realise that God actually wants to love us, He wants to pour (hence the pic) his love out to us.

Just seriously think about that, The Creator of everything freely wants to love you, loads.

At our small group last night I was reminded that God sent His Son, so that He could reach us, save us, come into a relattionship with us , love us,

You can't earn anymore, there is nothing you can or can't do to deserve it, it is there to be accepted as soon as we accept His Son.

Do we sometimes forget 1 john 4;19, we love because he first loved us, or I love what it says in the message, in Ephesians chapter 1'long,long ago he decided to adopt us into His family through Jesus Christ ( What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift giving by the hand of His beloved Son.'

God wants to love us, He wants to pour out His love on us, let Him

home

I'm going home in the morning, yeah.

For anyone who wants to know, I have to work away quite regularly, I stay down in Thurrock, which is where me and Tanya moved from, to where we are now, my wonderful home of Diss. Which is interesting, because I have spent the majority of my life in Thurrock, I can drive around with my eyes shut ( probably not the best of ideas ), my friends are there, my Dad is there, yet when I get back to Diss, it feels great. Not just the fact of coming home to Tanya and the children, and my niece, and my foreign students ( busy house, Tanya has a lot to do, especially on her own, what a woman, of course I know she is going to read this ), I love being in that town, it feels like home. I have great support, a brilliant church family, great friends and 2 of my brothers live here.

At some point I will have to leave Diss, I really pray, where I go then, will feel like home.

I am heartened by the time I now spend in Thurrock. I use to stay with a friend. I now stay at my Dads, and we have some great chats and get to spend time together ( I know my Dad reads this too), also the ELBR (see other posts ), I can go and pray, and the other week me and the family were able to go TCF at Corringham, and got a great welcome.

I really hope there is a bit of home everywhere, wherever we end up.

Anyway, I'm going home in the morning.

education, education, education

Not sure where I am going with this so bare with me. I was reading quotes earlier, I like great quotes and speeches, Martin Luther King is one of my favourites 'Free at last'. Anyway, I diverge, I noticed there was a section on this particular website (wikiquotes), on Jesus, I jumped in and scrolled down to the quotes about Jesus, by others. Some were great, CS Lewis, Gandhi, Einstein. Others I found quite hurtful, and inaccurate.

There is a lot of anger in this world focused on Christianity, and I can understand it, but why so much anger focused on Jesus.

It amazes me that so many educated people, seem to forget their education, when it comes to talking about the bible or christianity or Jesus.

They talk of wars and injustice, murder, of judging, guilt and shame, of hate.

At different times within the history of the church, the church has been guilty of alot of the above, I'm sorry.

At no point is Jesus guilty, at no point did Jesus agree with any of the above. He spoke of peace, love and turning the other cheek, He spoke for social justice and freedom from guilt and shame, He spoke of loving your neighbour as yourself.

The intelligentsia who manage to allow their own feelings of shame, guilt, hate and judgement to blind themselves of truth, are as guilty as a church that has used religion to do all of the above.

And then they point to this world around us and say, look what we have achieved as man, how great we are, like Nero watching Rome burn while playing his fiddle.

judging

Sometimes I have a real big problem with 'people', no one in particular, just people.

They get on my nerves, they get in my way, they annoy me, I have no patience for them, I judge them, I am wrong.

It really is a good job God isn't like me, we would probably all be gone by now, maybe a few people here and there who are just cool and put God in a good mood, but generally we would all be no more. God must have got like that before the whole flood business, fortunately Noah was obedient and had a relationship with God. Anyway.....

I was telling you I am wrong. Want some examples, here we go.....

Non disabled drivers in disabled parking spaces, I walk along checking for disabled stickers

Chavs........, one of the biggest reasons I judge them, for they're lack of independent thought, I am a snob, I hate Primark, full of people who cannot speak or dress properly, have no manners and no respect.

Snobs, those who look down on others, I tend to pick on, intimidate even, get them to think.

The middle classes who think they know what is best for everyone, without understanding a thing, wanting to ban everthing that does not fit into a box they do not have to fit into themselves. ( I really can't stand middle class communists, contradiction in terms).

Rude people, I am incredibly rude to rude people.

Unbelievably I could go on, I am wrong, I am a contradiction in terms. I am trying to change, I am stopping myself. You may even look at the list and say, no, you're right about such and such.

I am not.

Jesus said do not judge.

I have even read commentaries which say BUT, well Jesus did not say but, man did, jesus said do not judge or you too will be judged. Full stop.

Love, guide, understand, challenge. With the patience that Jesus has for my imperfection. I get it wrong and God does not lean down from Heaven, to bully, intimidate and remind me how bad I am. No.

He loves me, and because He is in me, I am challenged and guided to try harder and do better by a Saviour who understands because He has been here.

'people' need loved in the right direction, towards God, not judged away from He whose job it is to judge.

UPDATE

What have I been up to. Loads, spent some time at the ELBR in Stanford , had a great time with Tanya and the kids, had some really good fellowship within the house and at Corringham Christian Fellowship, I really felt truly welcome and part of God's family.

That is a challenge, making people feel truly comfortable and at home.

In the boiler room we were staying at, there were notes in the kitchen, that whatever is in the cupboards or fridge, use. There was a note not to do the washing up, use the dishwasher, the bedrooms were like hotel rooms.

At church, people came to speak to me and Tanya, the boys enjoyed the young peoples section, the baby was welcome.

There was a BBQ on Sunday afternoon, we were encouraged to help ourselves, with someone taking the baby from Tanya, so that she could get something to eat in peace, the boys played happily with some girls, and we had some great conversations. I felt welcome.

I have had a good week, also went fruit picking and made jam, spent some time at Tanya's mums, went to a sealife centre and met some great rays ( absolutely loved the rays ). Now there is a French student staying with us for the next 2 weeks, and a Spanish student coming on Tuesday, staying for 3 weeks.

Now it is our turn to show the reality of Jesus love, the hospitality, community and family, to young people away from home, we have to become a home. I pray we can be genuine, as has been done to us, so we do unto others.