workaholic

I like my sleep, I can lay in, I'd rather not do alot, but I do, and even though I say I'd rather not, if I don't do anything, I feel like crap.

Tanya asked me to take some time off work this week, to be there just to help a bit with our 3 kids and the 2 foreign students, so I did. Now according to Tanya, she wishes I had stayed at work.

You see I'm not doing anything, it frustrates me, I get moody, argumentative, angry.

What I am doing is measuring my day, asking what have I achieved? If I don't think that is enough, woe betide everyone round me, So then what I'm actually doing is judging myself and not coming up to par.

I have been thinking, praying and talking alot lately about not judging, not condemning and accepting God's love.

I have been attempting to do this outwardly more and more in my life, being accepting and showing love, yet I can't relax for one day knowing I have not done enough. What is enough, I'm still doing loads, as taxi driver, chef, washer upper, babysitter, etc, and then I start getting moody because no one is doing as much as me, everyone else is being lazy.

What I am doing is first judging myself pointlessly, then tuning my self judgement into judging others.

Tanya said, she just wanted me to be here, to support her, to love her, she got a moody annoyance.

Jesus wants us to love Him, don't be a moody self judging, world judging annoyance.