Now wait.

I did try to do a montage of photos to show how I have changed in appearance over the years, but I messed it up, oh well.

I think that sometimes when I write here, I sound a bit preachy, or even sound like I am giving out all this advice because I have it sorted. I don't have it all sorted, and most of the time I am preaching to me. I have to learn to take my own advice, I have to learn to listen.

If you know me, I like the sound of my own voice, I have an opinion on everything, I said to someone yesterday, how are you going to hear God talking, if you don't give Him a chance to speak. Yet again, could do with practicing what I preach.

I want to do some explaining, I want people to know where I am right now, how I got here, why I got here, I would like to say I want people to know where I am going, but I don't know right now, that is in God's very big hands. Scary, but true.

I really feel God has told me to wait, I think He has been telling me this for a while, it is only now, now that the future of my family, my home, my career and my life are in His hands, that I am truly starting to understand what waiting means. It is up to Him. I am waiting.

In the meantime, and I expect to have quite a bit of time, over the next few days, I just want to set out the who's, what's and where's, I don't know why, but that is what I'll be doing. Stay tuned.

prayer again

Big thing prayer, love it, so important.
If you know me or if you have been following my blog you will know I have made some big decisions about my life at the moment, not just my life, I have a wife and 3 children. My house is up for sale and I have handed in my notice at work, I really want to say to God, I am yours, this your life, lead me as you will. Of course it is more in depth than that, and has meant times of prayer and lots of talk and God's word.

Time is getting precious, with work etc........... and I am a little worried, this week I prayed, please God, I want to follow your ways, not my own desires, please be in this, please give me a word from you, let me know it is about you, not me, confirm your word to me.

God is a faithful God, an answerer of prayer, Sunday night I had a call from my sister in law, she said she had a word for me, from collossians chapter 3 verses 1-3, focus on Him, not the world.

What encouragement and what obedience, I know it was hard to phone me and say that, I needed it, it was an answer to prayer and I thank my sister in law for being obedient.

Be obedient to God, there is someone out there waiting for you to be God's voice, to confirm, to encourage, to support, to be the hands and feet of He whom we serve.

Pray and pray again, then act on the word of our master.

Weakness

This is speed blogging, I have no time, but wanted to write something. Easter weekend and all that goes with it.

I have a bad temper, I can be moody when I am tired, when I first wake up, I can be impatient, sometimes I get roadrage, I can be condescending, patronising, egotistical, lustful, argumentative, lazy, selfish, work mad and probably loads of other things.

I am weak. I will tell you I am weak, I want the world to know I am weak, I think it is important to admit weaknes, to get help, to show solidarity and most importantly, to realise my strength does not lie in me, it is in God, I am grateful that He gives me the strength to admit my weakness, to learn from my weakness, to challenge my weakness.

Through that weakness there is strength, strength in Him, strength from God.

'I am weak, but He is strong.'

judgement

Seems to be a theme running through my day, something that I, my wife and a close friend have all experienced in different ways today. I will only talk about me.

Today in work, a lot of people were sitting around making some ridiculous comments about some people currently in the public eye, absolutely tearing these people apart, running them down with all sorts of names and judgements, based generally on the opinion of one newspaper, they backed up their judgements with more gossip from other media. I challenged them, and got involved in a good debate at work, as I quite often do, was challenged on judging myself and hopefully got people to think a bit more, or just slag me off as soon as my back was turned. Who knows?

I believe most judgement, and I am not talking the court type, I am talking about the judgements we all make every day, are based on ignorance, based generally on not knowing, or maybe not caring, or wanting to care, they are based on not knowing the full facts, and a lot of the time even knowing the people involved. I do it.

Last night driving home, the traffic on one of the roads was abysmal, all caused by one driver, stopping and starting, slowing up, he finally pulled over, everyone went past. I was fuming, he delayed me from getting home, he obviously should not be driving and plus he was a foreigner, and at that thought, the penny dropped...........he was lost in a foreign country, and what did I do to help, drove past glaring, until I realised what an idiot I am. What an oppurtunity missed, oh what a fool.

One of my favourite verses in the bible is John 3;17 ' But God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.'

How quick we condemn and judge, its not our job.

speed camera

Just a quick thought really, when I was driving this morning, I slowed down for a speed camera, it made me think, isn't slowing down for the camera hypocrisy, some would say it is clever, I don't want points on my license and a fine, at the end of the day though, I am only following the law, when the law is looking.

It got me thinking, is there a way some people act, in front of the church, or friends or work colleagues, because they are 'on camera', racing about life, looking like everything is going swimmingly, they are in touch, they are out there, the real deal, we only see them the way they want to be seen, or is this something in all of us? Are there those who want to be caught, are there those that constantly make the camera flash on purpose, are there those that when they pass our cameras, they are going so slowly, we just don't see them? I could go on, I won't.

Just a thought, maybe worth expanding, God in the detail.

Whats going on

When Tanya and I first got together one of the songs that was out was the 4 non blondes song 'whats going on.' Completely irrelevant to what I'm going to be writing, but a happy memory.

Tough time lately, seeing sunshine right now, things probably couldn't look darker from the worlds point of view, I believe at the moment one of the things I am being taught is, I am not to look at things from the worlds point of view. God first, then the rest.

I am leaving my job next month, I have not got a new one, its in God's hands.

I need to sell my house, it remains unsold, no job, no house, its in God's hands. I don't want to give the impression I am doing nothing, looking and applied for other work, reduced house price to sell, not to make profit.

As a family we are attempting to spend more time as a family and bringing God into that, a place we have not put Him enough. We are also trying to work through some things as a family which hold us back. My bad temper for example. We are going through our house and clearing up, throwing away, getting ready to move, not putting the objects first.

Had a great chat with my church leader the other day, feel really encouraged, people should always make time to talk, and be fed by God, through His word ( get a good daily devotional, one that suit you), through prayer ( just started a new prayer diary, good thing to have, I don't forget as many people) and through His family, very important, have to say, a couple of days before, I phoned up my brother Brian and just filled his earhole with my voice, its all helpful.

I was in Thurrock working last weekend, I got the oppurtunity to go to the church I went to as an adolescent, really enjoyed visiting, got a great welcome, and then Andy and Jan Blakey, a lovely couple who had to put up with me on holiday with them twice when I was small ( and believe me, I was weird) asked if I could come and give my testimony to the young people there, so I did, I don't know how it went down, but I was really pleased to be used by God.

The YC, has been great, going from strength to strength, tomorrow night there are 2 bands playing and a rapper, I really pray it goes ok ( God, please be with us), all exciting.

Anyway, lots happening, feel good, need lots of prayer, who knows whats going to happen next. It is in God's hands. ( its ok, they are very big hands)

update

Right, I have absolutely loads going on. God is working and moving and changing my life. There are some huge challenges ahead. God is in it. Over the next few days, I will tell you what is going on, right now I am in my changing from nights to days bodyclock shock day. Which never puts me in a great mood. I am sooo busy, its good, things are good, scary and good. I will explain more over the next few days if I get a chance.

The newsflash is that God is never changing, forever faithful with everlastimg love and grace. Remember it, basic, but oh so freeing and true.