Booze

For a long time I have drank an awful lot, even in my old work, I was known for drinking too much, amongst some guys who were big drinkers, I held and probably still do hold a number of records for drinking large amounts of alcohol in certain establishments, not that I could hold my drink that well, I just did not know when to stop, so I just kept going, which resulted in me being in some of the darkest wholes in my life, waking and not knowing where I was, waking and having complete blackouts from the previous night, causing all sorts of pain and embarrassment to loads around me, of course to some, I was always the life and soul.

The amount of times I have awoken, wishing that the night before would never have happened or hoping for a big whole to swallow me up, suddenly frightened, ashamed and guilty, not knowing if I would have a marriage or friends anymore. Scary isn't it. I am glad to say, it has been years now, since I woke feeling like that, it has been years since I last caused destruction and mayhem.

I still like a drink. When I used to drink a lot, which was every night, I used to wake up a lot in the morning and say to myself, have a night off, don't drink tonight, wake up fresh tomorrow. Half way through the day or even into the evening, I would find an excuse to go and buy a beer or two, until Jesus.

I like having a social drink or a beer at the end of the day, but sometimes I get that thing in my head, which says go on, drink tomorrow and the next day and the next, it is ok. I cannot serve two masters. It was Jesus that saved me, I didn't know how to sleep without a beer until Him, I didn't know you could be sober on a Friday and Saturday night and still have a good time. So I like a beer, but I have to watch to make sure I stay in control and that Jesus remains my master.

It is amazing writing this, because it reminds me once again, where I was, empty and in dark places. I have so much less now, the world would say, yet I feel so much more alive and full.