Me Again

I am in a bit of a bad mood right now, I can't get into my emails, and there is something there I need to prepare for Sunday, so just a bit frustrated, but I'm ok.

I have loads of things I want to write about, maybe some I shouldn't, maybe some I should, but just being honest, I want to write what I am going through right now, this is my journal as well as a blog. I haven't yet, but I want to look back over all my blogs and see if I have changed, if I have grown.

That is what I feel is happening to me right now, I am having a bit of a growth spurt, not in some uber spiritual, because God loves me more than you, I am doing so much way. In a, have you looked at yourself, these things need dealing with sort of way.

The job, money, house are gone or going, but what about me? What am I holding onto inside of me. It is like God moves closer and through the light you see more dirty bits, like a vanish advert, where you think you are wearing a white tshirt and then you stand next to someone whose shirt is really white and you look an off grey colour.

This is not a guilt or shame thing, this is not me needing to be perfect, because I'll never get there, this is God saying, is that healthy John, is that good for you? What damage does that do? Where are you going? Why are you doing that?

These areas for me are anger, lust, alcohol, self ambition, people pleasing and judging.

Obviously, if you wanted a list of my faults, they would be much longer, I have loads and God is probably asking me more than this as well. These are just some questions I think God is asking me right now, I think over the next few days I will tell you my thoughts on these matters, not some running commentary of how I am doing or how I have been healed, just some of my whys and problems and thoughts.