Night

I could not sleep last night, I was tossing and turning, I got up and walked around. You know when you get something stuck in your head and you cannot shake it, and you have managed to justify the way you feel completely and keep on fueling the fire, I say you know, you may never have thought like this before, but this was me last night, arguing, whining, self justifying and and generally feeling sorry for myself.

I walked outside, I prayed, I calmed down, I really struggled, then as I was walking past the table in our kitchen, there was the bible, I picked it up and just asked God for something, and He delivered.

I opened the bible up, I can't tell you the exact place, although it was in Nehemiah, but it is not relevant to what I am saying. Anyway, God did not give me some, don't worry verse, or something particularily reassuring, He actually reminded me, of what I had been and where I had been, He just sort of put the ball firmly back in my court about what was going on in my head. It sort of brought me to a dead stop, the arguments and self justification in my head, vanished, I went to bed and slept.

I was very tired this morning and I felt like I was in battle last night, I was, God won. I feel back on the crest of the wave, with a God who is right and just and so very clever, and knows and loves me so well.