Confusing

I have had a good time over the last few days, today has been incredibly peaceful, it is just the five of us, a nice walk and games on the Wii, reading some books and some food that will add much to my waistline.

I have had a lovely time with some people over the last few days, my Dad and Daphne were here yesterday, it was really nice. There are also others I have been in contact with, who have been very negative, this is what is confusing.

Actually I don't feel that confused, more concerned. There are people close to me, who take deep offence at who I am. I don't know if it is because it is like shining a light on them, not that I feel that I have been in any way judgemental or condemning, just maybe because Tanya and I are who we are now, Christians, that others don't feel they can do some things that they used to in front of us, or can't speak a certain way, or that we are not on their wavelength anymore because we are on God's wavelength. Maybe we can no longer endorse beliefs or theories that others want us to, or be relyed upon to be the ally, because they no longer come first, God does.

I suppose this is what Jesus talked about, 'divisions'. I am different, and this is who I am now, a constantly changing individual, being changed by Jesus, who I have had an encounter with in my life, to the point that there is no going back. I did not just read a book or listen to a man and decided that it was a good deal. I have a relationship, feel and live and love and cry and try because I am aware of He who walks everyday with me. If others do not like it, I will still be here standing, waiting, not judging, not condemning, because I am not going to change, except the way that God is leading me, but I will be here, ready for the time when they can accept me or not, want to know more of me or not, want to talk or listen.

I am here. There are so many chips on shoulders, so much bitterness, so much blame. God didn't do it, neither did I. I can apologise for anyone else if anyone wants me to, I'm sorry for people, we aren't perfect, neither unfortunately is the church, it is full of people, neither is the world, it is full of people, there is sickness and accidents and natural disasters and terrorists and........ Love and hope and faith.

God, good, man, messy, Devil, bad.

'The blame and the shame caused the pain to reign,
the tree set us free so we could run with the Son.'