Prejudice

I am trying to be more honest, so I thought I would talk about my prejudice. It is the middle classes.

The middle classes always come across as if they know what is best for everyone else, they are right, those above and below are wrong. They are the only ones who ever cared about a class struggle.

I look at history and see the revolutions began by middle classes, to 'help' the working classes, and I have seen the bloodshed and pain it has caused. I have seen places where the middle classes have gone to help and caused more pain. The middle class road is one paved with good intentions, it is thought that is born out of luxury and leisure. I know that when I see pain in the world, my heart breaks, I want to help, but I believe that help is also to be wanted, not thrust on others, because we believe it is right, from our moral standpoint, because of what we have.

I know I am generalising, I just worry at where peoples focus is at. The biggest thing I worry about, is the church too middle class, is it out of touch, is it trying to help in the right places, can they emphasise with people not in their bubble.

I haven't got a class chip on my shoulder, I just believe that usually middle class people do. Maybe it is because the upper class know what they are and so do the working class, those in the middle do not, so try to recreate the order of things to fit back into their box, I don't like boxes either. I don't know all the answers, so I don't want to push in where I have no clue and am not wanted, but I can try to help where I am now and where I am wanted. It can be hard to be inspired by those who could not possibly know how you are feeling and therefore it can be hard to follow anyone who does not understand.

Jesus was working class, yet He was also a king, I tend to think the taxpayers He hung out with would have been middle class, maybe that is where the need is?

Being random

A quick Saturday morning post, which is not that quick for me to write, even though I make it out to be, you see, I do try to be random, expressive and spontaneous, but they are things I am not very comfortable with, when I am writing, I delete a lot, I go over a lot of what I have said, even if I agree with everything I have written, sometimes I can delete the lot in case it upsets someone or could be taken the wrong way. Not that I want to upset anyone, I just don't think this writing should be contrived, it should be random, thoughts and feelings, opinions and plans, honest. If I can look back in a couple of years and see how I have grown, or how I felt, or where my passion was with something, then it is healthy, if I am looking back at something censored, then it was not me. I hope I am making sense, I just want to be more open and honest in my blogging, like a conversation, you can't take back what you say, you can learn from it, cringe at it or stick to your guns, but it is what it is.

I am glad this is the weekend, weekends are for mindless ramblings. I am going to watch trooping the colour on tv, go to a school fete, prepare for a bootsale ( clear everything out!!! I will talk more about that, this week) and I have to put together a worship time for tomorrow night. All fun, it is good to be busy and honest.

Back from the wedding

Yes, I am back. I had a good, yet challenging time at my mother in laws and now I am home. I just don't know where home is going to be soon, but that is a different story.

The wedding went well, except for atrocious weather, some misbehaving, bored kids and a terrible dj. The day was very long, but my mother in law and my new father in law looked incredibly happy and enjoyed their day thoroughly. I had some great chats with some people I met, wonderfully challenging conversations, I love it when people are honest, great talks about faith and the lack of it and how the way we act can affect the view people have of you and your faith. Really positive stuff, I didn't agree with people alot of the time, I didn't judge either, a difficult balance.

At the beginning of this week, I took the newlyweds to the airport for their honeymoon and helped with my mother in laws business, by going cleaning, I enjoyed it and it gave me a much needed down to earthly kick. Humility is important.

My wife this week has been helping a young couple with their relationship, very patiently, positively and assertively. A lot more patience than me, I was angry and wanted to have a moan off at them, to sort themselves out, not what was needed and my anger rarely helps in these situations. I think tanya and I, provide a nice balance.

This week as well, we have felt the need to push on in certain areas of our life. If you read my brother Brians blog, he has mentioned that crunch points are coming for some who are stepping out a bit right now, I feel this for myself and family, crunch time is coming, how exciting.

Wedding

I will be going away tomorrow, to a wedding. The wedding of my mother in law, which is a strange position to be in, the son of the bride ( my brother in law) is doing the father of the bride bit, including the speech. Anyway I'll be away, so no blogging probably till next week. Hope you appreciate the picture, just me trying to be funny.

As for today, I have a hundred thoughts going round in my head, a hundred ideas, loads that I want to do. It is a bit of a problem I have right now, where next, what next? I have to get a bit focused and organised, and I think that starts at home, with my family.

A couple of weeks ago, I organised a 24hr prayer event for the youth at church, and I am thinking what next for them, but first I have to make sure my own children are moving forward, excited and getting hold of the fleshy parts of what God is about, to this end, Tanya and I have decided to turn our spare room into a prayer room. A room in the house, where any of us can go and just dwell on and with God. Not that you can't do that anywhere, just a case of focus and expression for us as a family, and in the future, friends as well.

It is hard in todays society to find space on your own, or without a telly, I do a lot of praying on the toilet and a lot of reading. There are no distractions ? It is so easy to get distracted, I find it hard putting the right things first, for instance this prayer room at home, I have been talking about it all week, I am here writing about it, I'm not doing it. I will be, just an example. It takes effort not to get distracted.

Birthing pains

I had to be a bit careful about what picture I used today, you get the idea. Giving birth is hard, it is painful, I am glad I am not a woman, actually I am not glad I'm not a woman, I'm just trying to say that it looks very difficult to carry a child and give birth, and I am not saying I want to be a woman, just that I'm not against it, as I think women are cool and the whole life giving thing is pretty amazing, I'm glad I got that clear and have completely gone off my original subject.

So giving birth is hard, growing something and giving it freedom are difficult things to do, it is painful, but it is also really happy, I have been there, cut the cord and all that, I was really worried for Tanya at times, I was scared, but we have 3 wonderful children, for Tanya there were prices to pay, for 9 months, with each child, she had to watch what she ate, she couldn't drink, she couldn't move as well, she will tell you, her body has paid a price, the labours were exhausting, ( except for Mason, who only took an hour, probably exhausting too) but look what she got out of it, look what I got out of it, look what the whole of our family and friends got out of it, blessed. I could go on to talk of the worry and stress of parenthood, but I won't, I'm talking now about the joy of birth.
I remember when my oldest Morgan was born, my father in law dropped me off at about 4am near my house, I strolled off home, walking down the middle of the road, hoping someone would stop and ask me what I was doing, so I could tell them, 'I have a son', I felt on top of the world, brimming over.

Sometimes I don't like to think of the painful things I have to go through to grow, but I think it is necessary, discipline, honesty, submission, can be dirty words. They are birthing pains, they are growing pains, they are needed for growth, because through them, I am set free, overflowing, ready to walk down the middle of the road somewhere and tell the world why I feel so alive.

Going on from my last line, I have changed the video on my video bar to some P.O.D. , a bit heavy, great lyrics, great chorus, listen away

Free

As I was saying yesterday, I was involved in this Hope 08 busineswith our church. It was good, I am glad there are some good organisers out there, it is an area I struggle with.
One guy organised the young people from local churches to do a free carwash last Wednesday, I went along and tried to help, all fun, the one thing that struck me was explaining to people it was free, one lady was nearly in tears, another gentleman put some money in the prayer request box. I went round to the local businesses, spoke to people, telling them what was happening, 'come and get your car washed for free, no catch,' I might as well have been saying ' It only costs £500,' One company did except what was going on, but still was trying to give us a donation. The next day, a friend and I were helping an old lady in her garden, some stuff will have to be gotten back to, when we explained that someone would pop round and finish it off when she was ready, for free, it seemed to confuse her, we had to explain it a few times. On Saturday we had a big party in the park, for the town, it was free and I do not know how many times I had to explain that.

Why don't people get it. Has this world become so suspicious, so out of touch with what kindness and love are, do they think love has a price, why are people so confused, cynical and surprised at acts of love. Does the love that is in their lives, come at a price, can people not be kind without being labeled as weirdos.

I remember years ago, Tanya and I would drive over the QE2 bridge from Thurrock to Kent, when we stopped at the tolls, we would pay for the person in the car behind us aswell. We thought it was funny, the look of sheer confusion on the persons face as they were let through, with the attendent explaining that we had paid for them, and then their rush to overtake us, to look into the car, searching for an answer, wondering if they know us.

I suppose we do look for payment, maybe we just don't demand it, we hope that what we do rubs off, that what is seen in us, makes people ask a question, or changes lives.

I was paid for, I asked so many questions and my life has changed, I was given something freely, with love and I have accepted it. As I am writing that, I know it sounds cheesy and churchy and preachy, but it is true, Jesus paid the price, it is fundamental to who I am now, free.

Blogging

I have had some time off with blogging, I think it was important, I mean what am I blogging for? my ego? expressing myself? a journal to look back on? a voice that I hope someone is hearing? Therapy?

It is probably a mixture of all of these, just trying to be honest, work things through in my head and on screen and maybe hoping that someone else is reading and thinking, 'I know what he means.' I read that one of the most encouraging things someone can say to someone else, when we are struggling with all the worlds problems, is ' Me too.'

With all that goes on in the world, all the uncertainties we face, reassurance and hope are great gifts we can give. It is the gift that Jesus gives, hope, acceptance and love.

As a church, we have just taken part in Hope 08. It was great, just helping people, reaching out, showing who we are, what we are. I will probably blog about loads to do with that over the coming days, because I am going to be blogging again, I like to have my voice, I probably like the sound of it too much, but I have a lot to say, so I am going to say it.

Hope you like my new blog.