The big push

I was busy yesterday, its good to be busy.

When I moved to Diss, I didn't really know anyone, except my now 2 remaining brothers ( remaining in town that is, they are all still alive). Tanya started to go to a small ladies group, and then church, then she was really filled with the holy spirit and baptised.

I watched all of this, pleased. I started to go to church with her, I didn't like it though, I complained about the songs, the preaching was not real preaching. I still went, I was still asking the questions. I just did not know how to make that next step. I started to read my bible, finding out that God is not vague, He is quite clear on most subjects, the biggest point being, to surrender your life and will to Him.

I wanted to do so much of the worldly stuff still, I still wanted it to be about me, but life for me was getting me nowhere, and I was having a relationship with God, where I knew He wanted me to live His way, I wanted to wait till I was 30, then give my life to Jesus, I had every excuse. I was going nowhere, I wasn't good enough, the drums were playing loudly in my head.

One Sunday, the sunday before mayday 2006, a guy called Martin, spoke at church, about giving your all, in everything we do, he spoke about passion and about prayer, about the word of God and about worship. Something in me stirred. On the Tuesday morning, I drove to work, and I prayed, I want to know more of you God, and I worshipped God, I sang songs from my childhood, because that is all I knew. I gave my life to Jesus, I wanted Him to have my all, there and then He filled me with His spirit.

At work, I kept on singing to myself, I couldn't wait to get home. All the way home I sang and cried, when I got home, I went to go and get my bible, I wanted to read His word. I never got to the bible, 1 verse resonated in my head;

John 3:16 " For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"

Right at that moment, God was speaking to me, He sent Jesus for me, Jesus died for me, if it had of only been me, He still would have done it. I cried like a baby. I cried as well, because I knew that most of the world does not know, He loves them, so much. They'll never be good enough, He loves them, they can keep searching, He is waiting, He knows it all, He has seen it all. He is there.